Inescapable
by ela11
Summary: James' mind was stuck back on Fehl. Then he met Shepard.
1. Chapter 1

James was still breathing heavily from his fight with the batarians in the club as he followed Anderson's quick pace through Omega's streets. He was still trying to process what he'd been asked to do.

"You're kidding me right? Haven't you read my file? I let those Fehl colonists die, along with my own unit, and you want me to _protect _someone you've got in custody?" he questioned, incredulously. "Shouldn't you be locking _me _up for that incident just now?" He gestured back towards the club.

Anderson glanced over his shoulder at him but didn't slow down.

"I'm willing to over-look that. I saw what led to that… and I get why you did it."

James raised his eyebrows in surprise as he stared at the back of the man's head. So the Admiral was just as angry about Shepard's incarceration as he was.

Maybe he shouldn't be surprised. He knew a lot of soldiers who would take this latest back-stabbing move by the Alliance, against one of their own, with disgust. Okay, so technically she was under the Cerberus banner, but the fact that she was out there doing what the Alliance was failing to do - stopping the colonist abductions - and had promptly handed herself in after she'd succeeded, told him all he needed to know. Shepard was Alliance to the core. If she said she had destroyed that batarian system in order to stop these… Reapers, then he believed it. No way was she 'delusional' or 'over-tired' like the Citadel Council had tried to make her out to be a few years back. She was N7. She was the first, and only, human Spectre. She was the only survivor on Akuze, the hero of the Skyllian Blitz, and the Saviour of the Citadel. Hell, she was the catalyst for him joining the military. She deserved respect, not a media-circus turning her into a scapegoat for something she had no choice in.

That's why that news report had angered him, and the combination of anger and alcohol had fuelled him to rip the screen off the wall. Probably not a good move, considering he was in the middle of a poker game with several batarians. They'd called him 'Shepard-lover' before they'd signalled to some others, and he'd had to defend himself.

James was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he nearly barrelled into Anderson who had came to an abrupt stop outside a docking bay.

Anderson turned to him, then looked him right in the eye, demanding his full attention.

"You've got to put Fehl behind you, Lieutenant. You made a call, a hard one, but you made it with the information you had at the time. Right now, I need the best, and I think you're it. Now, do I have your commitment to focus on the task in hand, or do I need to find someone else?"

James squared his shoulders at what he felt was a direct challenge, and gave a single stiff nod.

"I won't let you down, Sir."

James finished with a smart salute, wondering what the hell he'd just gotten himself into.

Anderson looked satisfied by his response and they proceeded through the air-locks into the ship.

It didn't take an engineer to see that the ship he'd just stepped into had taken some serious damage. Anderson stopped at the cockpit, several control panels sparking as they passed them.

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau, this is Lieutenant Vega, he'll be-"

"Yeah, whatever. You can save the introductions okay, 'cos this whole thing stinks," interrupted the pilot, insolently.

James raised his eyebrows at the way the man had just spoken to the Admiral, then he noticed the Cerberus logo on the pilot's cap and uniform as he moved around Anderson to catch a view of the guy. Okay, so this wasn't an Alliance vessel.

Anderson was trying to appease the angry pilot.

"I know how you feel Joker, I do, but you have to understand-"

"Understand what!? That the one person out here, who's actually doing something about the crap happening out there, _and has gone through hell to do it_, is about to be arrested for doing the right thing!?"

James watched silently as Anderson just placed a hand on the pilot's shoulder. James was intrigued that the pilot was clearly well known to the Admiral, and the fact that Anderson was obviously as unhappy about it as the Cerberus guy, was even more interesting.

"And if I had my way we wouldn't be here, Joker, but this is bigger than I can contain, and you know that."

The pilot seemed to lose his fire then, as despondency overwhelmed him.

"She's been through so much, Anderson," Moreau murmured. "She doesn't deserve this."

"I know," Anderson agreed, solemnly, "and I'm going to do everything I can for her, you have my word on that."

Moreau nodded slowly, then turned to look at Vega.

"Just…just look after her, man. She may seem tough, but she hides a lot of the damage inside, you know?"

James nodded mutely, and the pilot seemed to get embarrassed by his outburst and swung back to his console.

Anderson waved for James to follow him, and they made their way past fallen structural beams and debris, before they entered an elevator.

"Uh, is it a good idea to use the lift?" he queried with concern.

"_I can confirm that the elevator is working at optimal efficiency, Lieutenant Vega_," came a computerised female voice, which James took to be the ship's VI.

"Oh... Well…. No problem, then… thanks," James stammered awkwardly.

Anderson just pushed the button for the top floor.

"Uh, so…a Cerberus ship?"

"Not for long. It's being handed over to the Alliance, but as you can see, it's in need of some repair before we can risk a flight back to Earth. That will take some time, so we'll be returning on an Alliance vessel."

James mind whirled through all the thoughts and questions he had, as they waited. Okay, so this person- this _woman, _was obviously a Cerberus agent gone rogue, and to warrant an Alliance protection detail, she must have important information that Cerberus doesn't want her spilling, and they were probably responsible for the damage to the ship. He wasn't sure how Anderson knew the pilot so well but other than that he figured he had the situation worked out.

"So, who am I protecting, Admiral?" James asked as they arrived outside a locked room.

Stopping outside, Anderson turned to him once more, hands behind his back, as he seemed to stand taller, every inch of him an Admiral.

"Commander Shepard," Anderson announced proudly.

In that breath-taking moment, Anderson hit the door lock, revealing Shepard, and James was blindsided.

Well, now everything made a _new _kind of sense.

He was standing on the Normandy SR2, a Cerberus ship under the command of Shepard, and she had just returned from the Omega 4 Relay, after bringing down the Collector home world, and was now giving herself up to face the charges against her for the destruction of the Bahak system two weeks ago. Whoa… He'd assumed she was already detained. Never in a million years would he have made the connection, because it was too unbelievable.

James stared in shock at the woman he'd heard so much about, had so much admiration for, as she looked over her shoulder at them. She was sitting at a desk, data pad in hand. Placing the pad on the desk, she turned to them. He couldn't help the thud in his chest as she rose to her feet in one smooth motion, and he noted that she was petite. Her body like a dancer's, lithe and strong, and she had curves in all the right places. She looked damn good in her uniform too, regardless of the patches where the Cerberus logos had been torn off.

Shepard walked directly towards Anderson and saluted. Anderson waved her formality away.

"No need for that, Shepard. Not with me."

James felt caught in her gaze as she looked him over.

Crystal-blue eyes like the waters off an idyllic island beach, framed with long lashes. Black hair tied into a bun at the base of her neck that hinted at the length concealed within. Her full lips were a dusky pink against her lightly tanned skin. The vids he'd seen had shown her to be beautiful, but in the flesh… she was stunning.

"This is Lieutenant James Vega, he's been assigned to watch you."

Anderson indicated towards James, and James snapped off a respectful salute. Shepard visibly stiffened and frowned.

"I handed myself in voluntarily Anderson, you don't -" she began to argue, looking somewhat disappointed at what she thought was Anderson's lack of trust.

Anderson, however, realised how careless his words had been and interrupted her with a raised, supplicating hand.

"I trust you implicitly, Shepard, make no mistake about that. Unfortunately, given the circumstances, there are a lot of angry batarians out there who are baying for blood, maybe even Cerberus now you've walked away with some of their assets - including yourself - and I'm not about to leave anything to chance. Vega's here to protect you, Shepard. He'll be in charge of planning your every move so no-one can get to you."

Vega actually witnessed Shepard sag with a sadness that suddenly encompassed her. Her head bent down so she was staring at the floor.

"I wish there had been another way, Anderson," she murmured quietly.

This was a woman struggling with guilt over a decision she'd made. Though that decision had saved billions it had still cost thousands of lives, and she was clearly haunted by it. James understood that feeling only too well.

Anderson moved forward and rested a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You did the right thing, Shepard. Fighting the Reapers was never going to be easy. Focus on those you saved, not on those you lost, because the living still need your help."

"Huh," Shepard huffed sadly as she looked back at him. "What good can I do from inside a cell, Anderson?"

Her exasperation was clear, and it was mirrored in Anderson, who nodded in understanding.

"I know, Shepard. Believe me when I say that Hackett and I are going to be fighting tooth and nail to get you out of there a-sap. Damn politics."

He shook his head in disgust.

"We have to be seen to be taking this seriously. We just can't afford a war with the batarians, not when we have the Reaper threat."

"That's why I'm here, Anderson. I don't want that, either." Shepard's tone was soft, as she affirmed her position.

James listened, quietly simmering. That's what all this was about. They were throwing Shepard in front of the media as a rogue Alliance soldier turned Cerberus agent who was going to be held accountable for her 'crime', to appease the Batarian Hegemony. His anger swelled at the Alliance brass for handing her up so readily. That she had still handed herself in, knowing that she was going to be dragged through the mud, raised his regard of her. She was a protector to the bone.

"It's just the thought of sitting in some… room, while I could be out there…" Shepard said with frustration, shaking her head, unable to voice her thoughts any further.

Anderson just tightened his grip on her shoulder and gave it a little shake.

"Keep that fire burning, Shepard. I have a feeling we're going to need it."

Shepard straightened once more, every inch a Commander, as she said, "Yes, sir."

Anderson smiled back at her fondly, before turning to Vega.

"We need to get back to Earth, so make sure you have everything you need, and be ready to transfer Commander Shepard to the Alliance ship at the neighbouring bay, in one hour."

Anderson acknowledged Shepard and left the room.

James suddenly realised that he was alone with Shepard and he became aware of her studying him.

He would normally give a subtle flex of his muscles whenever he noticed a beautiful woman appraising him - he knew he was a flirt - but with Shepard he wanted her to see his ability. He wanted her to know that he was serious about his assignment, that she could trust him to keep her safe, though given her legendary status it seemed rather ironic. She could probably take him down in a heartbeat.

Feeling slightly awkward as he stood before her, and finding himself unusually lost for words, he looked around her quarters, taking in the fish tank brimming with life, the model ships and the dozen or so data pads adorning her desk.

"Did you realise you're bleeding?"

His attention returned to Shepard as she spoke, and she frowned as she looked at him.

James reached up to where she was focused. His lip was cut. Huh, if that's all that he had come away with, he was pretty impressed with himself. He just shrugged at her.

"Just a little disagreement with a few pendejo's."

Her gaze went to his right hand and he realised his knuckles were also raw. He moved into a military stance so he could place his hands behind his back, and she didn't question him about it any further.

"So, Lieutenant, what did you do to get you noticed by Anderson?"

She smiled at his surprise.

"I know that baby-sitting duty isn't a big deal, but for Anderson to personally introduce you, he must have hand-picked you himself. Which means you've done something to impress him, and _that's _no easy feat."

James shuffled on his feet slightly, feeling uncomfortable about a subject he didn't want to re-live, despite wanting her to know he was more than capable. Shepard caught it though, and spoke before he had to respond.

"It's okay, forget I asked. Some things should stay buried."

She looked at him, knowingly, and James felt that thud again as they shared a look of understanding that they had both lost people in events that were beyond their control.

She went to turn away, then Vega spoke.

"It _is _a big deal."

Shepard quirked an eyebrow in question.

"Protecting you," he clarified, his voice soft and deep, referring to her earlier comment.

Shepard seemed to stare into his soul, then gave him a small smile, tinged with sadness.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," she murmured, and she returned to her position at the desk, sparing him a glance over her shoulder.

He took that as his cue to leave, and he turned, then spun back round when he heard her gasp. Shepard was making her way back over to him, concern on her face.

"Lieutenant! That looks like more than a little disagreement!"

Shepard placed her hand on his arm and turned him away, so his back was to her. He was so confused he just went with it. He felt her hands pressing gently on his back, and he flinched, suddenly aware that it hurt. Checking over his shoulder he tried to see the damage, but it was completely futile. Shepard then led him into her bathroom and pointed to a mirror on the wall, as she turned his back to it so he could see the damage.

Ouch! Through the gashes in his very bloody tee, he could see that his back was littered with gaping cuts. Must have happened when he took that dive backwards through the club window.

"It looks like there's glass in some of those deeper cuts. You should head to the med bay. Thankfully our doctor is still on board."

"Yeah, I'll do that. Damn, this is a new t-shirt, too," he muttered sadly, as he followed her back out of the bathroom.

As he passed her desk he noticed a photo frame spring to life, portraying the image of a man.

Shepard smirked at him.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Lieutenant, but I'm sure the Alliance will give you a suitable replacement for your very non-regulation top," she teased.

Vega smiled back at her. So the Commander had a sense of humour.

"No way, this is one of a kind! Just like me!"

James gave her a wink as he went to leave, her head shaking with an amused grin on her face as the door locked behind him.

After a quick trip to the med bay, he left to gather his gear, and was back on the ship in forty five minutes, enthused for the first time since Fehl, to get to work.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard couldn't help but laugh when he returned in a fresh t-shirt, exactly the same as the ruined one. He just shrugged with an innocent look on his handsome, scarred face, and she sighed to herself. This man was going to be trouble.

"Ready?" he asked her.

She gave him a look. Yeah, right, like she had a choice, and James gave her a sympathetic look in return.

"_The ass-holes are here for you, Commander," _informed Joker.

No-one needed to ask who he meant. James checked the time. They were ten minutes early. He had wanted to give her a chance to say goodbye to the few still on board, to her home.

"Thank you, Joker," she answered wryly, but she also looked very uncomfortable as she took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders. With a quick nod at James, she grabbed a small hold-all and led the way to the lift.

He was desperate to say something on the way down, but nothing really seemed appropriate, so he stayed silent.

It appeared that nearly all of her crew had already left the ship. Probably not wishing to hedge their bets on the Alliance going easy on them, given their Cerberus ties. Only the pilot and the doctor from the medbay - Chakwas, he remembered - waited for her at the air-lock, beside two stern Alliance arresting officers.

Stopping in front of the doctor, Shepard was pulled into a hug, which she returned once James relieved her of her bag.

"They'd better come to their senses soon, Commander. We need you," the woman sighed as she released Shepard. "I'm going to miss you, and the Normandy."

"*cough*"

"Yes, and you Joker," Chakwas added dryly, with an eye-roll.

Shepard huffed a laugh.

"Thank you, Doc. Take care."

Joker limped forward, giving the officers a glare as he passed them.

"Hey, Shep, you know it isn't too late. You can take these two easily," he gestured behind him to the officers who were tensing, their hands rising to their weapons, as if the proverbial was about to hit the fan. "And the Doc's probably got something to knock out the muscle head with, right Doc?"

"Absolutely not," Chakwas said in affront, as she glanced at James.

"She'd do it," ignored Joker, and James decided he liked the pilot. "And we'd be away."

Shepard gave him a small smile. They'd been over the reason she was handing herself in, but no amount of explanation would convince him this was for the best.

"Well, damn, Joker, you just gave away the plan," she said sarcastically. "I'm going to miss you, too," she added solemnly.

"Just don't take any crap okay?" Joker said morosely.

This time Shepard initiated the hug, and the pilot held her tightly. James couldn't help but be taken aback by the close-knit crew. They were more like family than comrades.

Joker moved back to the cockpit then, unwilling to watch her being taken away, and an officer approached her.

"Commander Shepard, I'm Lieutenant Peters, this is Corporal Long. You are hereby under arrest and are to be taken into Alliance custody for the destruction of a mass relay, resulting in large loss of life. You will be taken to Alliance Headquarters on Earth, to be detained until the conclusion of your trial. Do you have any questions?"

The man had an air of arrogance, that immediately got James' hackles up.

"What will happen to Flight Lieutenant Moreau, and Doctor Chakwas?" Shepard asked.

"It appears that the ship's VI only responds to the pilot's commands," Peters continued, making it clear in his tone that he found that unlikely. "Therefore he'll be required to remain aboard until the ship is flight-worthy, and returned to Earth. After that, his arrest is to be deferred, and will depend on the result of your trial. The same goes for the doctor, who'll also stay aboard to attend to the pilot's medical needs, until we reach Earth. Beyond that, I don't know."

Shepard just nodded slowly, sending an apologetic look to Chakwas, who just smiled back at her, unconcerned for herself.

"Please raise your hands."

Shepard complied and the second officer, Long, produced a set of cuffs.

James was horrified.

"Whoa!" He stepped forward to block the man. "You're not serious, right?!"

"We're just following procedure, Lieutenant-" informed Peters.

"I don't give a shit about procedure! What about respect?!" demanded James.

"It's alright, Lieutenant," intervened Shepard, a strange look on her face as she considered him. "They're just doing their job," she finished.

James looked at her, then deflated, moving aside. He winced at the sound of the cuffs clicking into place. It was so very wrong. Her hands were fists now, despite her calm veneer, and he remembered the pilot's words - _she hides a lot of the damage inside - _but he was a practiced poker player, and he could spot all the little tells that gave her away.

Long removed her Omni-tool from her wrist and reached towards the bag in James' hand, which James pulled away from his outstretched hand. The officer just gave an irritated sigh.

"Lieutenant, I have to check the prisoner's bag for anything that could prove a hazard."

James clenched his jaw.

"Firstly, this is _Commander Shepard_, not a 'prisoner'. Secondly, there's no way you're going through her personal stuff."

He felt two hands press gently against his arm. They were Shepard's, and it calmed the roar in his head immediately as he turned to look at her. She looked grateful, before she directed her gaze back at the officers.

"Would it be sufficient for Lieutenant Vega to do the search?" she inquired.

Long glanced at Peters, who reluctantly agreed.

James just blinked at her, rather humbled by her trust in him, and she nodded at him to continue. He unzipped her bag, hating the need to intrude. He carefully removed each item, while Long logged the contents.

Two undershirts, two pairs of trousers, two tops, two pairs of socks - all Alliance issue. His hand nearly shook as he came across her underwear. Man, this was extremely wrong. Be professional, be professional. Two bras, two panties - black, and very feminine. He tried _not _to let his mind picture her wearing them. A brush, toothbrush, paste - the last item being confiscated in case it contained something else, (she'd be issued with a replacement) - the photo frame he'd seen on her desk (currently switched off), which was scanned for hidden data, etc., a box frame, displaying her medals, and lastly, a second box frame which housed her dog tags. He paused at those.

He could see the tags were slightly twisted and dented, the metal discoloured where they were exposed to high heat. He'd heard the reports more than two years back, stating she'd been spaced, her body thought to have been pulled into the nearby planet's atmosphere. It seemed unbelievable she had survived that.

The Alliance should never have given up their search for her, then she wouldn't have been left to Cerberus.

The officers ran their Omni-tools over everything, including the empty bag, and over Shepard herself, stepping back once they were satisfied she harboured nothing that could constitute as a weapon or a communication device. James repacked her bag with care, his discomfort fading as he closed the zip.

Peters went to take her arm to lead her out, but again James blocked it.

"There's no need for that. The Commander will follow you."

This time the officer chose not to argue, and turned to lead the way, Long taking the rear, with James staying at her side, her bag in his hand again. Shepard gave an awkward wave to Chakwas, and an acknowledging nod to Joker as he peered over the back of his chair, then the airlock released.

They didn't get far. At the outer airlock, which would take them onto Omega ground, they were confronted by Anderson. He wasn't happy.

"I thought I made it clear that nothing was to be done without my presence," his voice hard.

Long shifted uncomfortably, but Peters maintained his lofty composure.

"I'm sorry, sir, but Alliance brass informed us we weren't to delay any longer," Peters offered. James decided that was bullshit, as he watched the man's eyes dart away from Anderson's gaze as he said it.

Anderson almost growled as he stared back at them. James liked _him _too. Then Anderson spotted the cuffs.

"What the-?! Get those off, NOW!" he yelled.

"But, sir-"

"Don't 'sir' me, do it, or I'll make your lives a living hell!"

James _really _liked him.

"In fact, if anyone tries to do that again, I officially give you permission to deck them, Lieutenant Vega."

The officers paled, as James cracked his knuckles with a huge grin on his face.

"Yes, sir!" he replied happily. Then he yanked the key from Long's grip and undid Shepard's restraints, flinging them back at the flustered man.

"That's better," Anderson stated.

"I'm sorry about that, Shepard. I was caught up with more political bullshit. You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she answered, and they made the transition from the Normandy to the Alliance ship with no trouble.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard sat in the small room, thankful that Anderson had refused to let her be placed in the ship's brig. Looking around, it felt extremely sparse and dull after being on the Normandy. Everything was grey, even the sheets on the single bed. Standard military issue. Her eyes had to adjust to the low lighting. She had definitely been spoilt before. Aside from the bed, she had a desk and chair, and a locker. Sadly, she didn't have her own bathroom, which would mean she'd have to be escorted to the communal facilities. She sighed. Yep, definitely spoiled.

Her fingers drummed the table in front of her. It was the first time she had sat at a desk and had absolutely nothing to do there. Shit, she was going to go crazy after a day.

The temptation to walk out of the room in search of something to do was overwhelming but the two guards posted outside her room would make sure she didn't leave.

A knock echoed around the room.

"Enter," she responded, and the doors slid open, revealing James. He had a plate in each hand.

"Hey Commander, thought you could use a good meal," and he placed a plate in front of her, fishing utensils out of his thigh pocket.

"Huevos Rancheros," he announced proudly.

Shepard leaned over the food, savouring the mouth-watering smell that rose up. It looked delicious, smelled wonderful, and… She placed a fork full in her mouth…. It tasted fantastic. She raised her eyebrows up at James as he stood there waiting for her to confirm what he clearly already knew, judging by the smug grin on his face. She obliged.

"This is incredible, Lieutenant." She gave him a suspicious look. "You're not telling me this came from the ship's kitchen?"

James turned and rested his backside against the desk, raising his own plate up to start eating.

"We're in flight, Commander. No where else it could have come from," he said innocently, as he began shovelling food.

Shepard squinted at his response, but couldn't hold back from taking another bite. She couldn't remember the last time she had a meal this good. She watched him devouring the food, looking mighty pleased with himself.

"You made this, didn't you?" she asked him, surprise in her voice.

He nodded with pride, his mouth full.

"Well… wow, Lieutenant. You have a gift." She continued her meal.

"Nah. It's not a patch on my abuela's. She can make anything taste like heaven. Yeah…her cooking always keeps us coming back for more," he reminisced happily.

"Us?" she questioned, enjoying his soft deep voice.

"My tio - my uncle, that is," he clarified.

"No parents? Other family?"

"My madre died when I was young, and my father….well, he's not a part of my life any more. Other than that, I've got a few cousins floating around out there, but that's about it. You?"

Shepard noted his aversion to talking about his father, before answering his question.

"No," she said simply.

James didn't push for more. He sensed a tragedy there that wasn't appropriate to bring up in this time or place.

"You sound close to your uncle and grandmother," Shepard continued thoughtfully.

"Yeah," he said fondly, a smile lighting his face, and she couldn't help returning it, though perhaps a little wistfully.

They both went back to their plates, belatedly realising that there was nothing left on either.

"Damn," they said in unison, then they laughed at each other.

The ensuing silence suddenly weighed in on the relaxed atmosphere, and James cleared his throat, standing up to gather the empty plates and utensils.

"You need anything, let me know. I'm just next door, so you know, you can just bang on the wall, or something," he shrugged casually.

Shepard huffed in amusement.

"I'll be sure to do that, Lieutenant."

He walked to the door.

"Vega!" she called out, and he turned to her.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

He just grinned back at her.

"Anytime," and he was gone.

Suddenly she felt very lonely.


	3. Chapter 3

Their ship was now docked at the Vancouver Spaceport, the whole place a hive of activity.

Security on the dock was being pushed to its limits by the mass of people. Reporters were jostling each other to get a better position, along with large groups of civilians. Many were sporting banners, shouting out support for Shepard, but there were also some claiming Shepard was nothing more than a murderer.

James shook his head in disgust. They had no idea about the reality, about the hard choices made to keep them safe. They saw black and white, but he knew there was a whole lot of gray, and no one had the benefit of hindsight.

He turned to Shepard. He thought she looked extremely sad, as she purveyed the scene outside. He moved in front of the viewing window, blocking her sight, and she blinked as her focus point changed. He gave her an encouraging smile, then gestured to some crew members he'd gathered.

"You know your jobs?"

"Yes, sir!" they all responded, standing to attention, the occasional glances slipping Shepard's way.

He understood their fascination. She was a legend, a role model, and being in her presence was truly something. Add to that Admiral Anderson standing beside her, and they were completely in awe.

"Then you're good to go."

They saluted and scurried into action.

Shepard watched a female corporal cover her head with a blanket, the others arranging themselves around her as though protecting her. A couple of officers stationed themselves front and back. A decoy. Shepard had to admit she was stunned by Vega's forethought.

Anderson turned to Shepard.

"This is where I get off too, Shepard. It will help keep up appearances. I'll meet up with you at Headquarters. Stay strong."

They shook hands.

"I will, Anderson, and thank you," she replied.

"Don't thank me yet. I haven't done anything worthy of it, but that will change," he said intensely.

He looked over at James.

"I'm impressed so far, Lieutenant. Keep up the good work, and keep her safe. Shepard's more important than you can know."

James glanced at Shepard who clearly didn't think she was anything of the sort, by the look of discomfort on her face.

"I'll guard her with my life, Sir," he assured Anderson sincerely.

Content with that, Anderson moved to the front of the convoy and they exited the ship.

The sound from outside rose as the 'decoy Shepard' appeared before them.

"Okay, let's get out of here."

James led Shepard, and the two arresting officers, down to the already open cargo bay, where empty containers were already being off-loaded, new supplies replacing them.

He handed her a cap, much like her old pilot's, except for the Alliance insignia, and she pulled the brim low over her forehead, creating a shadow over her face.

The noise from the crowd was much louder now, as they approached the open bay doors.

James weaved them through the loading vehicles and cargo containers, none of the workers paying them any mind as they ploughed through.

He had a vehicle waiting for them, and he gestured for the officers to wait with Shepard. He approached the vehicle and ran a scan. He wasn't about to take any chances, someone could have planted a device. Satisfied, he waved them over.

Once Shepard had settled into the front passenger side, he ran round to the driver's seat, the officers resigned to the rear seats.

They joined the thrum of vehicles above them. Everything was going to plan, but James didn't relax. He knew he had to be ready for anything.

His eyes were everywhere, he listened to every sound. He was aware of Shepard tapping her fingers rhythmically on her seat. Long, behind her, coughing into his hand, and behind James, he heard the other officer, Peters, activating his Omni-tool.

Suddenly his full attention was forced to the panel in front as him as it began beeping and flashing. An electrical fault? Now?! It was too coincidental, wasn't it? He cursed as he was forced to pull out of the main lane, into a side alley. As soon as he stopped he brought up his Omni-tool to get a replacement vehicle to them quickly, still alert, very uncomfortable with the vehicle's sudden problem.

"What were you doing on your Omni-tool?" He turned to the officer at his back.

"I _was _letting headquarters know we'd be arriving in ten, but now I'm calling for back-up," Peters explained.

"What?! Why?"

The other officer spoke up. "Standard procedure when something goes wrong like this while transporting a prisoner. You never know if this could be a break out attempt."

Beside him, Shepard just shook her head, but James noticed how tense her body was, how alert she was.

The sound of another vehicle approaching, had their attention.

"There's our back-up," announced Long, as he jumped out of the cab.

This was all wrong.

James looked over at Shepard.

"They were too quick," he said quietly, and she nodded in agreement.

Despite his earlier caution with the vehicle, he knew that besides himself and Anderson, only the two arresting officers were privy to his plan, and the route they would be taking.

He heard the click of a gun's safety catch being removed behind him at the same time as a gun shot rang from outside.

He released his seat clamp, ramming it back into Peters with all his weight, Shepard grabbing the gun from the man's pinned hand. James punched him as hard as he could, anger fueling him. The man's nose crunched, broken, and the guy was out like a light.

Shepard's door was being opened. Four men outside.

James released his pistol, wishing like hell he had his shotgun. He went to pull her across him but she had other ideas, going _with _the door, and knocking two of the attackers off their feet, her newly acquired gun boomed twice, perfect headshots. James concentrated on the other two, careful not to hit Shepard, who was deliberately keeping her movements contained and low, and took them out with several well placed shots to their stomachs, which was all he had in view.

The sound of their accelerated breathing came to the fore. Then Shepard was moving out of the vehicle towards Long, who had been taken down by that first shot .

"Commander, we need to get you somewhere safer, before they send more," he declared as he caught up with her.

"He's still alive," she said over her shoulder, bending to the writhing officer. "Do you have medi-gel?"

James didn't, but Long had the presence of mind to indicate towards his trouser pocket, his hand clenched in pain. The shot had entered his chest, and he was wheezing, as she administered the gel.

"He needs a doctor, fast."

"I've called for help but they're ten minutes away," provided James, his eyes never leaving their surroundings.

That's when he saw three more vehicles leave the main stream, heading towards them. They could be there to aid them, but James wasn't going to assume anything.

"That could be more trouble, we have to go."

Shepard grabbed Long, and slung him over her shoulders.

James covered her while she made her way to the nearest building, bending down to grab a heat sink from one of the downed men on the way. James backed in behind her, the occupants of the cabs now aiming at them, and closed the door, jamming the release panel with the butt of his gun.

"This would be a good place to make a stand," Shepard announced.

James scanned the building. A storage bay. Two levels. The second level was a balcony overlooking the lower floor, almost two stories above. One of them could fire from the left at a height, the other from the right on the lower level.

It was perfect short-term, and with Anderson bringing help, they wouldn't be there long. He just hated the fact that he'd have to leave Shepard to it, with no Omni-tool to provide her with any shielding or the tech powers she used on the field.

So much for being her protection, he thought bitterly. Looks like he'd fucked that up just like on Fehl.

Shepard gently laid Long on the ground behind some crates near the stairs, releasing his gun and placing it in his shaking hands, then raced up the steps to take the high position at the far end of the balcony, Peters requisitioned gun still in hand.

James stayed at the opposite side of the room at the foot of the stairs, pushing over a stack of metal containers to use as cover. There was no way anyone was going to get to Shepard without going through him first.

"They'll be coming in hard, because they'll know they have a limited time before help arrives. Stay sharp and make every bullet count, Lieutenant!" she shouted down to him.

"Understood, Commander!"

It took their attackers just one minute to get through the door, but they were smart enough not to come running through all at once. Two raced in, going in different directions, but Shepard and James took them down in seconds. Shepard with a single head-shot to the one nearest her, James with a lucky shot to the neck of the other.

Then a smoke bomb was thrown in, and he cursed. Normally, he'd just fire indiscriminately but he only had one spare heat sink. He couldn't see what was coming at him, but Shepard had a better view, and he listened to her firing - six shots, hoping like hell she was ducking as her position was assailed with bullets.

"Your two o'clock!" she shouted, and without hesitation he threw out a 'carnage' attack from his omni. A loud boom sounded, and the sickening sound of bits of flesh hitting the ground, told him he'd made a hit.

"Eleven!" she shouted again, and this time he fired where he imagined an average sized man's chest would be. The smoke was clearing, and now he could see his target only a metre away, aiming again after being knocked back by his first shot, and he finished the man with an easy head shot.

Assessing the room, he could see that his first attack had taken out two men, and Shepard had downed six from her position. With the one he'd just killed, and the two they dealt with on entry, that totalled eleven. That meant that with three cabs, carrying four men each, there would have been twelve. So where the hell was the last one?

He surveyed the room frantically - nothing. His heart was beating hard in his chest. Then everything flashed white, then seemed to blur, as he felt the gun hit his head.

James' blood was rushing as he went down on all fours, just managing to brace himself from falling flat on his face. He had dropped his gun, and he heard the gun being kicked away.

"If you don't want a dead soldier on your hands I suggest you throw over your gun and come out where I can see you, Shepard," his assailant called up.

"Pendejo. I'm expendable," James stated derisively from his compromised position.

Except he heard her gun hitting the ground. He couldn't believe it.

He peered up as she emerged, her hands empty by her sides as she moved to the top of the stairs.

The guy moved around, gun still pointed at James' head, making sure he had Shepard in his sights at all time. Then came a shot from the crates nearby, and his assailant crumpled. Looking over in surprise, he saw the officer, still laying where Shepard had placed him, his pale face glistening with sweat, as he lowered his gun.

Shepard jumped the last few steps and helped James to his feet.

"Good job, both of you," she praised, as she assessed James' bleeding head.

The sound of running footsteps coming towards them from outside, had James thrusting his body in front of Shepard, his back to her front, and his arms swung back to hold her in place behind him.

The rogue officer who had betrayed them, his face covered in blood from his broken nose, had his gun raised about to fire.

James had forgotten that he'd only knocked him out, in all the chaos, and it was about to bite him in the ass. He braced himself for the hit, knowing that they couldn't react in time.

A boom sounded and both he and Shepard flinched, but it was the gunman who sank to the floor, to be replaced with a very worried-looking and armed Anderson.

They were all taking a deep breath as the situation came to an end, adrenaline draining away.

Shepard cleared her throat to get James' attention.

Peering over his shoulder, she nudged her arms outwards slightly, and he realised he had her pinned, one hand on her waist, the other on her thigh. Her own hands had come to rest against his lower back to brace herself from a face full of muscles. He quickly dropped his hands and stepped away from her, but it couldn't stop the flush of heat springing into his cheeks, and he could swear he felt the ghost of her hands still on him.

"Everyone all right?" Anderson asked. Behind him, armed men took positions in the alley.

"Alive, but the officer needs immediate medical attention," answered James, indicating the man Shepard was kneeling in front of. Anderson nodded at a man to the side of him, who immediately ran over and began administering to the injured man.

"What the hell happened, Lieutenant?" Anderson took stock of the mayhem within the storage bay, as Shepard now went from one body to another, checking pockets.

James just shook his head in disgust. "It was an inside job, sir. Peters - that guy -" he gestured to the body Anderson had taken down, "- disabled our vehicle using his Omni-tool, and had obviously timed it so we were close to where his buddies could get to us quickly. They were followed by more…" he trailed off, as the rest of the events was clear to see.

"I can't believe that Peters…." came the rasping, breathless voice of Long, from the floor. "I mean, I've worked with him….for over a year….we socialised….he met my family…." he continued in disbelief.

"Any idea who they were, Shepard?" Anderson asked, as she moved back to them.

She shook her head. "There's nothing to identify them, but they were professional. Top of the line equipment."

Anderson was deep in thought.

"Cerberus?"

"Could be. I didn't exactly endear myself to the Illusive Man when I destroyed the collector base and ran off with his expensive ship. And he's always made it clear that he has his people everywhere."

"Goddamnit!" cursed Anderson. "Come one, let's get you out of here. And, well done, Lieutenant."

James blinked in confusion. "What for?! It went to hell! Shepard could have been killed!"

"But she wasn't, Lieutenant. And the decoy was completely mobbed by that crowd back there. It was only when they saw it wasn't Shepard that we got out unscatched, so it was still the right call."

"Lieutenant, you pulled your weight - in one case, literally - during that fight. You stayed calm and focused, and it was the reason we're all still here," Shepard imparted to him.

"But…I got dropped, Commander. You gave up your weapon and were about to hand yourself over to them because they were able to get a gun to my head. If the officer hadn't been able to shoot-"

"-I'd have taken the gunman down myself, Lieutenant. In fact, that was my plan before Long came into play. He was an unexpected bonus."

James was really confused.

"But you threw over your gun…"

"Did I, Lieutenant?" Shepard gave him an enigmatic smile, and withdrew a gun from behind her.

James was baffled, and strode over to where he had seen her gun land. Then he had to laugh in appreciation as he spotted the bent metal pipe.

"Nice, Commander," he approved.

Shepard just shrugged as if it was nothing. "Come on, Lieutenant, you're job's not over yet," and she walked out to the waiting police escort, James trotting behind her, in admiration.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At Alliance Headquarters, James insisted on scanning the room himself.

He was happy to see that she'd been given a decent room, instead of being placed in the detention cells. It was a lot nicer than some of the dives he'd been in recently.

Shepard questioned Anderson about the room, and he bluntly told her he wouldn't have stood for anything less. James could see the gratitude flash over her face.

Then Anderson tossed over her Omni-tool, which she caught deftly.

"It doesn't have any communication enabled - you're not allowed any contact from persons outside of the Alliance, and that extends to Joker and Dr Chakwas - and quite frankly I'd prefer not to give the Committee any reason to suspect you of conspiring with anyone while you're detained, but you can have full access to all the info on the latest technology and weaponry advances. I'm not about to let you lag behind in that department. We'll need you prepped and ready to go as soon as this farce is over. And I've also gotten you access to the gun range and the training hall, but you'll need a constant guard when you're out of your room. That attack has proven that you're not safe even here, and should anything else happen, at least you'll have shields and your tech to help you out - just keep it out of sight."

"Thank you, sir," Shepard responded with relief.

"Which brings me to you, Lieutenant."

"Sir?" James straightened as Anderson turned his attention to him.

"You did an outstanding job, especially given the events, and I want you to stay on until this trial is over. Assuming that's acceptable to _you_, Commander. Either way, I've got to have someone watching out for you."

Shepard looked at James, and he held his breath as he waited for her response.

"Absolutely. I trust him to watch my back. But is that going to be okay with you, Lieutenant? This trial could be a long process."

James felt extremely humbled and proud in her belief in him, and if it was possible, he stood straighter.

"I'd be honoured, Commander," he said simply and truthfully, and she smiled at him.

"Then it's done. I'll get you assigned to the room next door," said Anderson. He brought up his Omni tool and began quickly typing. James' Omni then pinged. "There. You're the only person with access to Shepard's room." He turned back to Shepard. "Commander, take care of yourself. I'll check in with you when I can."

"Sir." They shook hands, and Anderson went to turn away, then remembered something.

"Oh, before I forget - I added an extra little feature to your Omni. Try it out when you get down to the training room."

Shepard searched her Omni tool and found the new addition, and her eyes widened as she activated a blade from her tool.

"Man, where can I get one of those?" James said with longing. Anderson chuckled as he went to leave the room, James following him. At the door, he turned to James, his voice quiet.

"Lieutenant, I need you to go beyond simple guard duty for Shepard. She's a woman of action.

All this-" he gestured to her secured room, "-this will drive her crazy, very soon. Do what you can to keep her busy. The next few weeks, months, are going to be hard on her emotionally. You may not see it, but she is - and will be - hurting. Don't let her sink under it all."

James saluted Anderson. "I'll do my damned hardest, Sir."

"Never doubted it, Lieutenant." And he left.

James closed the door, which automatically locked. Shepard appeared from the bathroom holding up a med kit.

"Your choice. My basic first aid skills, or a trip to the med clinic," she said matter of factly.

James grinned.

"Well, I'm a man who likes to take a risk, so the first option sounds perfect."

She rolled her eyes, then pulled out a chair at the desk and waited for him to sit. Then she rummaged through the kit, and started with antiseptic wipes to clean the gash at the back of his head.

He had to suck in his breath as she placed a gentle hand on the space where his shoulder met his neck to keep him steady while she worked, and he worked to remind himself that she wasn't just some gorgeous, fit woman - she was a Commander, _the_ Commander, the Saviour of the Citadel, and the list went on.

He was drawn out of his reverie by her heavy sigh.

"What? Is it bad? 'Cos it doesn't feel too serious," and he went to reach back to touch his wound. Shepard halted his hand in mid-air.

"Ah ah," she admonished. "You'll get it dirty again."

He looked at his filthy hand and lowered it.

"No, it's nothing a little medigel won't fix-" she slathered the cold gel on, "- but I'm afraid your 'one-of-a-kind' t-shirt is beyond my ability." She delivered her statement wryly.

He looked and saw the blood drying into it.

James laughed.

"Damn, again?! How come every time I'm in your presence I end up with a ruined tee? You know, if you want me to remove it, you only have to ask," he added with a smirk.

Shepard laughed in surprise.

"Sorry to burst your delusional bubble, Lieutenant, but I had absolutely nothing to do with your first t-shirt incident. Besides, there's hardly any point in taking it off, it's like a second skin."

"Oh ho! So you've been checking me out, huh? Like what you see?"

Shepard gave another eye roll.

"Lieutenant, haven't you heard it's what's on the inside that counts?"

"Oh, so you _do _want me to take the shirt off."

She laughed again.

"I want … you to get out so I can shower," and she pulled him to his feet and pushed him towards the door.

"I get it. You need to jump in that cold shower before you end up jumping my bones," he grinned cheekily.

Shepard burst out laughing yet again.

"You really are full of yourself, Lieutenant," and she began to close the door on him.

"I'll just be next door….also having a cold shower," he called out as the door closed, and she shook her head in amusement.

Definitely trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

James' attentiveness continued over the next weeks, that turned into months.

He tried to get her outside as much as possible but it involved getting special permission from the Committee and that always took days for them to get back to him. He toyed with arranging routine outside time, but decided it was too risky.

They had, however, fallen into a general daily routine.

He brought her breakfast every morning, which they ate together. She was always up and ready when he turned up, her head buried in a data pad. Then it was a trip down to the training hall for a few hours, as she let out her pent-up energy. He was always aware of their surroundings, and if it wasn't too busy, he'd train too, but always able to keep watch.

Lunch was followed by a few hours on the gun range. He already knew she was an outstanding marksman, but he never failed to be impressed at the tiny cluster of holes dead centre of her targets heads, preferring to keep at a distance using a sniper rifle and a pistol. James didn't have such finesse, choosing the power of the shotgun, with the quick-firing assault rifle, and getting up close to his target.

He decided that together, they made a pretty good team.

He always brought a movie or a deck of cards with the evening meal, along with a bottle of beer for both of them. They sat and talked, about anything, everything. The latest weapon mods (avoiding tech, because James tended to faze out with tech jargon),the best armour manufacturers, the most effective tactics on the field. Then on to his anecdotes about his recruitment days and missions, (though he missed out Fehl), her time with Cerberus (though she missed out Kaidan's appearance on Horizon), and destroying the collector base.

This would last well into the night, only the need for sleep, interrupting them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Unfortunately, their self-made schedule was interrupted with the trial sessions.

When they called for Shepard, she would be in the committee room for hours, and when she was released James could see the tenseness of her shoulders, the frown on her forehead.

After those sessions she wouldn't want to do anything but go back to her room, so he would leave her at her door, and when he would bring her dinner, they would eat in silence, finally telling tell him she was going to have an early night. The next morning she would always look tired, but happier, and they'd resume their usual day.

Right now, James had been waiting outside that wretched room for nearly eight hours. This was definitely the longest she'd been held for. He knew she would be questioned over and over, going over every little detail.

He hated her being in there. She'd be hungry, he thought inanely, as he chewed an energy bar from the nearby machine.

An hour later she emerged, back into his care. She looked so pale, and incredibly small. It would have been hard for anyone who didn't know better, to believe she was the mighty Commander Shepard.

He cursed in his head, at the Alliance brass, as she just smiled weakly at him. He placed his hand at her lower back to propel her along beside him, making their way back to her room. With her safely inside he felt the need to stay with her, and he closed the door behind him.

He was sure she hadn't even noticed. She simply walked over to the window, her arms wrapped around her as if to ward off the cold, looking out at the world she wasn't allowed to be a part of.

"What happened in there today?" he asked softly.

She turned her head just slightly, and sighed.

"We finally got onto the reason I'm here."

"The Bahak system."

"Yeah," her gaze fell to the ground.

James didn't need to ask any more. He knew what it felt like to be responsible for innocent lives lost. He needed to do something.

"Look, you need food, so I'm going to go sort that out. Why don't you wash away the day while I'm gone."

She nodded slowly.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

James had been gone for nearly an hour.

Shepard tied her hair back, still wet from her shower. She tried not to let the past hours intrude on her thoughts. The too-hot water had done it's job, and she felt warm again, clean, her skin still flushed from the heat. The knock at the door had her stomach rumbling in anticipation. Her Lieutenant never failed to deliver the most amazing food.

He entered with a large tray covered with a metal cover to keep it warm, setting it down at the desk. He uncovered it with a flourish, the wonderful smell making Shepard's mouth water. But it was the single flower laying between the two plates of food, that had her opening her mouth.

"Oh, here, I had to pop out for the ingredients and a woman was selling these. I thought you might like it."

James handed her the pale blue flower.

Shepard's eyes flicked up to him as she took the flower from his fingers.

"Thank you," she said, her voice quiet.

"Well, come on, grab a plate!"

He was completely unaware of what he'd just given her, so she put the flower carefully to one side.

They settled in their usual place on the sofa, side by side, and she listened to him as he told her, between mouthfuls, the name of the dish, and how his abuela had been horrified the first time he'd tried making it without using her special recipe. His face always softened as he spoke of his family, and she loved to hear him talk about them. They sounded wonderful to her, and she wished longingly for her own family. The thought of them made her pick up the flower again, her plate now empty.

"It matches your eyes, no?" James' gentle voice pulled from her memories.

"It's where my name came from."

He look puzzled.

"The flower - it's only naturally found on the planet where I grew up. My mother loved it so much, that when I was born and she saw the colour of my eyes, she named me after it. Adrastia."

"So, you're a colony kid then."

"Yeah, I was."

She raised the flower up to her nose and inhaled the sweet scent. It was like home, and it brought tears to her eyes, making her blink them away quickly.

James saw them though, a frown creeping over his face.

"What happened to them?"

"You've heard of Mindoir?"

James felt sick.

"Shit…. Yeah. Batarian slavers, right?"

"Right. I wasn't home at the time. The first thing I saw when I returned was my home on fire. Didn't stop me running inside. I tripped over my father's body… He'd been shot in the face.

I found my mother upstairs, clothes torn open, a gun shot to the stomach, but she was still alive.

I managed to get her outside, but she'd lost too much blood. … She told me she loved me, that I wasn't to let them take me alive….then she died in my arms. That's when two slavers came out of the nearby house and saw me. They were laughing as they came close, looking me over, saying how I was just what they were after."

Beside her, James clenched his fists, as he listened.

"I was numb by then. Shock, I guess. I just had my mother's last words ringing in my head - don't let them take you alive. There was a rake laying on the ground by my feet, the handle was broken, so it was shorter than it should have been…. I made my first kill that day….Two batarian slavers, so complacent that I wasn't a threat that they were dead in seconds. The rake end blinding the first, the broken handle thrust into the neck of the second, then I used the second's gun and shot them both in the head. That's how the Alliance found me. Gun still in hand, still pointed at the bodies. It was Hackett and Anderson who pulled me out of there. I was sixteen."

James was amazed she'd come out sane.

"There were very few survivors that day, and the slavers still took a lot of children before the Alliance showed."

"Where did you go after that?"

"I was taken back to Earth, placed in a children's home, and thrust in front of psychiatrists. None of them had a clue what to do with me. Both Hackett and Anderson tried to check in on me every now and then, but military life doesn't exactly afford much free time. I couldn't connect with anyone else, so I left. Just took to the streets. I had no idea what I was doing - I was walking prey. Within days I was approached by the leader of the Tenth Street Reds gang, Dante, told they would look out for me if I wanted to join them. I was cold and hungry, and Dante was charismatic, made me think he understood me, so I accepted. Of course, it didn't take long for Dante to charm me into his bed. He had to be twice my age. They taught me how to break in places - in fact, it's where I learned a lot of my tech skills - and how to be stealthy. I never questioned what I was stealing for them - it was just how I paid my way. And because I was hitting large storage facilities, it seemed pretty victimless - to a self-obsessed teen, anyway," she gave Jams a wry look.

"The last place I hit must have had top of the line security, because alarms went off the second we stepped inside. We grabbed what we could and ran before anyone came, but one of the guys with me dropped his package as we vaulted the fence. It burst open….and that's when I found out that the 'goods' I was obtaining for them was the same crap that half the gang members were addicted to."

"Red sand," James sneered at the words as he spoke them.

"Uh huh. I saw what it did to those people, and I wasn't about to have any part in it. Told Dante I was done. He wasn't happy. He'd never laid a hand on me before, so I wasn't expecting the hard slap to the face, the slam into the wall. I was too dazed to react. Got my first scar that day," she traced along her left cheekbone, but the scar was notably absent now.

James was silent, his eyes dark, as her words brought up images of a younger her, being beaten.

"Then Hackett was there, laid Dante out in a heartbeat, he was so angry. Took me out of there.

Turned out that that last storage facility was an Alliance bay, used to store seized goods. It was also rigged with camera's. Anderson and Hackett had a trace on me since Hackett came by the children's home and found me awol. He'd managed to track my general vicinity, was looking for me, but in a large city it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Anderson had received an immediate alert when I showed up on the camera, and notified Hackett. He just threw a bit of cash around to get the exact address."

"Way to go, Hackett."

James had always respected the Admiral, but now he had added reverence for the man.

"Yeah," she responded fondly. "I made a decision that day, to do something good with my life. It was my eighteenth birthday the nect day, so it seemed serendipitous - I joined up with the Alliance."

"Man," James shook his head in amazement. "Well, you turned out well," he said lightly, and she grinned back at him.

"Thanks to Anderson and Hackett."

"So you don't have any other family, at all?"

"Nope. Neither of my parents had siblings, and I was an only child too. No living grandparents either."

"Guess I'm luckier than I realised. Kind of take mine for granted. I don't know where I'd be now if it wasn't for them."

"Willing to share?"

He studied her then. He'd never told anyone - was kind of ashamed - but he realised that he wasn't afraid of her judging him… because she wouldn't.

"My dad was a soldier. He was one of the first biotics, but he struggled with the stigma. He got injured in a bar fight over it, spinal damage, couldn't work. He got a basic pension from the Alliance, but because he'd been injured off duty, and he'd thrown the first punch, he wasn't entitled to any extra financial help, like he would if it had happened on the field.

He was always bitter toward the Alliance after that - blamed them for exposing him to the Element Zero in the first place. Everything went down hill from there. Mom had to work two jobs to support us, and I did some illegal fighting for money to help out. But dad…he didn't handle it well, began drinking. Got really moody, started verbally lashing out. Mom found it hard, being constantly tired and dealing with his mood swings.

My uncle, mom's brother, suggested that maybe dad was using drugs too, and when they asked him about it he went mad. Yelled that my uncle was planting lies, turning her against him, and told him if he ever came near them again, he'd kill him. Mom just placated him, told my uncle she'd sort it out, to stay away, she'd visit him soon….

The next night she collapsed as she made her way home. Turned out she had a terminal illness - I forget what they called it - didn't really seem to matter at the time. Anyways, she held on for three days before it took her….It was devastating. Dad began drinking even more. It was a bad time. I ended up taking on more fights, doing dock-work during the day. Then one night we're sitting there watching the news. There had been a big attack on humanity's first colony - Elysium."

"The Skyllian Blitz."

James nodded at Shepard.

"I can still remember the camera trying to get an interview with the beautiful young soldier who held back a whole platoon of seasoned mercs and slavers, by herself, saving the entire colony. But she wasn't having any of it. She was completely focused on helping the colonists back to their homes, blood still running from a split lip."

Shepard ran her finger over the left side of her lips, where her second scar used to be.

"I realised that she could have only been a little older than me, and look what she'd accomplished. And here I was, going nowhere, to keep my father in booze. I enlisted the morning after, thinking I could use what I was good at in a positive way. Then I got cold feet, went to talk to my uncle. I was worried about how my dad would take it. Wondered whether I was being selfish. Tio - his name's Emilio - told me that I had to walk my own path. Came back home with me while I broke it to dad.

Dad was waiting for me as I came in the door, complaining because he needed me to pick up something for him, and he handed me this blue chip. I figured it was for medicine. That's when he noticed Emilio behind me in the doorway. Dad went off the wall, started yelling at him, saying he wasn't supposed to come near me. Tio tried to calm him down, but he just accused him of trying to turn me against him like he did mom. It wasn't true, any of it. He slammed the door on Emilio, then said I was ungrateful. I needed out of there so I went to collect his medicine. Tio just said dad needed time to calm down, that he'd check on me later. I hadn't even had the chance to tell my father about enlisting. I went to offer the blue chip to the guy in the pharmacy, but he started shouting at me to get out of his store, called me a junkie. I had no idea what was going on. When I step out of the store, this guy comes over, tells me I shouldn't have gone in there, asks for the blue chip in exchange for the package.

I'm still trying to make sense of everything when I hand it over and take the package he gives me. I go to leave, then the guy suddenly shouts and takes off on a motorcycle, and there's a police officer heading my way. I just reacted, and so I knock down the officer and run. I was pursued but eventually got clear. I couldn't believe that my own father had sent me to pick up something dodgy. I certainly didn't want to entertain the notion that it was drugs.

I called Tio, but I obviously wasn't too coherent, and he said he'd meet me at home. I went home, threw down the package, demanded my father tell me what the hell was in it. He just said I already knew, then opened it. Dozens of packets of red sand. Tio was right all along. My father actually inhaled the stuff right there in front of me. That was it for me. I told him I was leaving to join the Alliance. He just sneered at me, told me I was going to be his errand boy and the military wouldn't take me once he told them about my encounter with the police.

I got angry….went to hit him. He used his biotics to knock me back. Threatened to tell Tio what I did if I defied him again. After that I just sat on the beach in front of our home. I remembered all the good times we had on that beach - before it all went wrong. Emilio joined me then. Told me how he'd promised my mother that he'd look out for me before she died, but now I had to choose how to live my life. I thought it was too late.

Tio must have heard our argument earlier, 'cos he said my father was bluffing. Pointed out that he wouldn't tell the military because it meant implicating himself for contacting a drug dealer and soliciting the aid of a minor to purchase them. He made me realise that my father couldn't do anything to me unless I let him. Now it was up to me. So here I am."

Shepard watched him come back to this time, this place.

"Here you are," she said approvingly.

He grinned at her.

"Phew! This spilling your guts thing is really cathartic!"

Shepard had to laugh at his sudden upbeat tone.

"Only when it's to a sympathetic ear," she added, referring to her earlier committee session.

"Well, how about we lighten things up with a game of poker?"

"Bring it on, Lieutenant!"

"Alright! That's what I'm talking about!"

He practically skipped out of her room, and she cleared the plates away, dragging a low table over to the sofa ready for their game. The flower she placed in a glass, in lieu of a vase, and centred on the desk. He burst back into the room with a deck of cards, some poker chips and two beers. They played for far too long, then slumped back on the sofa, in comfortable silence. Within five minutes they had both fallen asleep.

James groggily came out of his sleep, there was movement next to him, then he became aware of a strange sound.

Adrenaline coursed through him as he saw Shepard beside him, writhing and gasping for air, her hands up at her throat. He surged towards her, his heart pummelling away in his chest. He feared she was in some kind of anaphylactic shock, her airways blocked, and was about to call for help.

That's when he realised that her eyes were closed, and he hesitated.

She wasn't awake - a nightmare?

He hedged his bets, and stayed in place, grabbing her hands from her throat and holding them tightly.

"Commander?" he called out, firmly but gently.

She continued to gasp. It was heartbreaking to watch as he realised that she was probably reliving being spaced from the original Normandy.

"Shepard?" he said a little louder.

This time she jerked awake, her breathing now harsh as she tried to catch the air.

She looked so lost, as she searched his eyes for confirmation that it wasn't real.

James gave in then, pulling her close, holding her tight against him. She immediately wrapped her arms around him, gripping the back of his shirt with both hands, her head tucked into his neck.

Gradually her breathing returned to normal, and she let go of his shirt. He felt her leaving his grasp, resisting the urge to keep her close, and released her.

"Sorry, you had to deal with that," she murmured, her face pink with embarrassment.

"Hey, we all have things that visit us in the night, Commander," he said softly, in understanding.

"Yeah."

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her gaze fixed on her hands in her lap.

"I'm fairly sure I shouldn't have survived that, James. Being spaced….I remember it all so vividly. Unbelievable pain. It made my vision flare so all I could see was white light….then numbness, darkness…..nothing."

"Then along came Cerberus?"

"Seems so. I woke up and everything was chaos. Mechs were attacking the facility, there was nothing I recognised, no one I knew. Then I find out that these people are Cerberus. Cerberus…..and it was two years later. Everything, everyone, had moved on without me."

She looked up at him and shook her head. The Alliance shouldn't have given up looking for her, James thought again.

"God, I'm such a downer today - tonight," she joked shakily, then she spied the time. "Holy crap, Lieutenant, we'd best get to bed!"

"Commander! I think you're moving a little fast here!" he joked, his hands raised in surrender.

She raised one eyebrow as she gave him 'the look', unable to hide the small grin of amusement.

"Okay, I'm going," he laughed.

James moved to the door, then paused, looking over his shoulder.

"You'll be alright now though, right?" he asked her, a concerned look on his face.

She suddenly wanted to tell him to stay.

"I'll be fine, Lieutenant. My nightmares seem to be like lightning - they only strike once."

"Okay then. Goodnight, Shepard."

"Goodnight, James."

James lay in his bunk thinking about Shepard. She had become the first thing he thought about when he woke in the morning, and the last thing he thought of at night before sleep took him.

He told himself it was because his job demanded it, but he knew that he was only really required to make sure she received three meals a day beyond his guard duty.

She'd been here for nearly six months now and despite his best efforts he could see her incarceration was getting to her. She had no family to visit her, and despite many requests for visitation from some of her crew, they were all denied because of their connection to Cerberus and the trial.

James hadn't failed to notice that her mystery man wasn't among them, and wondered why the hell the guy wasn't supporting her.

That left just an occasional visit from Anderson and a few messages from Hackett. They offered supportive words, assured her they were still fighting her corner, and to bear with it.

James was the only constant in her life, and there was no way he would let her down.

He liked it when her smile lit her eyes, when her laugh filled the room. Given everything she'd been through, she deserved those moments of levity, and he was more than happy to provide them. He liked it that she was so at ease with him she would unconsciously touch his fore-arm or his knee as they chatted. He knew he deliberately placed himself too close to her when they conversed, that when they sat side by side on the couch their bodies touched.

He knew he enjoyed being with her, wanted to be near her - that he was falling for her.


	5. Chapter 5

What a sham of a trial. Taking away her rank? She'd earned that - hard.

He remembered how Hackett had escorted her out, his face was thunder, and James knew things hadn't gone well. Hackett filled him in, Shepard moving away, her back to them, and he'd seen her hands behind her back turn into a fist so tight it made her fingers go white.

Bastards! What happened to innocent until proven guilty? They just wouldn't accept her Reaper explanation.

She walked silently back to her room, and James entered behind her. She went straight over to her window and rested her forehead against it. He moved closer to her before speaking.

"You okay?" He spoke softly and watched as she pulled herself away from the window and turned to him. He could see the internal battle she was going through with her emotions, but as always she dampened them down, clearing her throat.

"I'll live, James. It's just a title," and she shrugged her shoulders as if to emphasise the lack of importance.

"A title you've earned. They have no right to take it from you."

James decided that if _she _wasn't going to complain about it, _he _was.

"But they have, and it doesn't change who I am."

"Damn straight. But as far as I'm concerned you're still _Commander _Shepard. I don't care what the brass says."

Shepard looked at him with a small smile.

"Thank you, James."

He stared into her ocean-blue eyes and moved his hands to hold hers.

She looked down at his large hands that completely encompassed her own. She felt every bit 'petite' when he was this close, and she didn't care. She had nothing to prove to him. However, she was suddenly wary of looking back up at him, of what might happen if she did. She hadn't been close to anyone since Kaidan and he'd hurt her immensely. Now the thought of opening herself up to someone else actually frightened her, because she needed to have those walls up, or she wouldn't make it through all this. Giving him her life history was one thing, but her heart? No. She had enough to deal with without adding another broken heart to the mix. So she reluctantly, slowly, pulled her hands from his and stepped around him.

James cleared his throat, his head hung low, as he fisted his now empty hands, missing the touch of her skin. He'd wanted to kiss her so badly, and he was sure there was something there between them, but she was holding back. He wondered about the guy in the photo, but now wasn't the time to ask, so he walked to the door.

"Still up for a movie tonight?" he asked as he turned in the now open doorway.

Shepard appreciated his show of normality and smiled back at him.

"Absolutely."

James left with a content grin, but not before he gave her a respectful salute and added 'Commander', and was rewarded with an eye-roll.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard stood at the window smiling out at a small boy playing with a toy ship on the rooftop of the adjacent building. _He _was the reason she was out there fighting - the innocent.

Was out there. Now she was _here_, useless.

She was still reeling from the previous day when they'd officially stripped her of her title. She'd worked so hard to get where she was and with a word her career was over. She was now being tried as a war criminal with no affiliation with the Alliance whatsoever and a Cerberus association. It didn't look good.

Anderson had messaged her after, telling her to keep faith, he and Hackett were still fighting her corner, but she knew she had to face the fact that it was unlikely she would regain any position within the Alliance, not with the stigma now attached to her name, not unless the Reapers showed up and proved her right, and that wasn't something she wished for, even if it would vindicate her.

She wondered how her crew were. She was denied all outside access, and not knowing anything was torture.

She imagined Garrus was pushing for someone to do something proactive against the Reapers back on Palaven - that turian was tenacious when he was fighting for the truth.

Tali would be back with the fleet, and Shepard hoped that Tali was making the admiralty see the sense in not provoking war with the geth.

Then there was Liara - the new Shadow Broker, so involved in her work that she'd forget to look after herself. Shepard hoped that Feron was still there helping her, someone to pull her from those screens.

What about Joker? He'd be grounded, going crazy, the Normandy in Alliance hands instead of his.

And EDI….would anyone realise she was more than a VI? If they did….

Dr Chakwas would be okay. She was an outstanding doctor, and she'd find a placement somewhere, of that Shepard had no doubt.

Miranda and Jacob were capable people, she didn't need to worry about them - unless Cerberus was gunning for them too….

Mordin would be throwing himself into a new project, maybe back on his home world.

Thane… She feared the worse. His illness had likely taken him by now, and she wished she knew if he had managed to salvage his relationship with his son, that Kolyat was by his side when he returned to the sea.

Samara would continue as before. Unrelenting in her pursuits.

Jack. Jack worried her. She was so fragile, despite her hardened exterior. Shepard hoped that she'd proven to the young woman that not everyone was going to use or abuse her, that she was worth more, but she feared for the young woman.

Kasumi would be going about her business, enjoying her 'craft'.

Zaeed… would be Zaeed. A hard-assed old merc, so set in his ways, he'd still be hunting his old partner, whilst bounty-hunting for large amounts of credits.

She didn't know what to think about Legion. He - _It - _was still something of a mystery to her. Legion defied all her opinions about the geth, making her re-assess. To think that there were two factions of geth….and Legion had proven himself trustworthy. Shepard found hope with Legion. That everything with these AI's wasn't black and white. And Tali had reached an uneasy understanding with the geth she fought beside, and if one quarian could then so could others. Okay, maybe that was pushing it.

Grunt would be back on Tuchanka, holding his own against those who questioned his lineage. She would have worried more about the young krogan, but she was sure that Wrex would be looking out for him.

Shepard hoped like hell that Wrex was accomplishing his goal to unite the clans. Another individual who was challenging the preconceptions of his species. She was proud to know the guy.

Lastly, there was Kaidan. Still focused. Still fighting for justice. Wearing his Alliance blues with pride. Loyal to the core. She had brought the picture of him, but she hadn't taken it out of her bag once she'd gotten here. She wasn't sure why. She guessed his last message to her had left things kind of open. He'd pushed her away, then pulled her back by a single thread, and she was dangling there, unable to move on, unsure of whether she wanted to.

Her thoughts turned to Lieutenant James Vega.

Shepard couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much and it seemed shocking given her present circumstance. She smiled to herself as she pictured his funny Mohawk haircut, his strong face proudly sporting the scars from his hard fights. The soft dark eyes, the generous mouth that quirked up in the corners. He was a huge flirt but always a gentleman, with a warmth to his soul that pulled her in. It was mirrored in his deep, but gentle voice.

That's when she realised that she missed him when he wasn't there.

James barrelled into her room without knocking. He knew her routine, and at this time she would be up, with her head buried in some data pad detailing the newest tech breakthrough. Sure enough, there she was at the window, pad in hand.

He saluted, "Commander", with a twinkle in his eye, as she shook her head at his insistence on using her now defunct rank.

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James."

"I'm not supposed to salute you, either."

Shepard saw the ghost of the cheeky grin he was trying to conceal. Then he got serious, as he got to the reason he had come.

"We gotta go. The Defence Committee wants to see you."

Shepard laid her pad down and frowned as she moved with him towards the door.

"Sounds important."

He hustled out of the room, eyes everywhere, knowing she'd be right behind him.

"What's going on?"

Shepard had to almost jog to keep up with James as he strode straight through the unusually busy corridor. He glanced at her over his shoulder.

"Couldn't say. Just told me they needed you. Now."

He was worried about that, but before he could think anymore about it, he saw Anderson coming towards them. Shepard smiled as she saw him.

"Anderson."

They shook hands and James acknowledged him with a salute but Anderson was distracted with Shepard.

"You look good, Shepard. A little soft around the edges."

James frowned. What on Earth was he on about? Shepard looked great, more than great, she was perfection. He stayed back at a distance so as not to impose on their private conversation whilst remaining close enough to do his job. That, of course, put him behind her with a lovely view of her round backside. Like a peach, he thought. Delectable. Then he shook himself as he realised he was getting distracted and forced his eyes on their surroundings.

Anderson and Shepard looked extremely serious, and James was sure he caught worry flit across her face. Did he just hear her say 'Reapers'? Anderson looked just as concerned at that point and James had an uneasy feeling that all the bustle around here was related, and that meant only one thing.

The Reapers were on their way.

Arriving at the Committee room he wished Shepard good luck and shook her hand, then spoke quietly so only she could hear.

"I'll be right here, waiting for you."

His voice felt like a caress that emphasised the words to convey a promise and something more. Shepard looked into eyes that softened just for her and she opened her mouth, trying to find a coherent response, when a man's voice invaded the moment.

"Shepard!"

James watched her eyes widen in recognition and she turned to the approaching Major.

"Kaidan!"

They stood in front of each other, Anderson joining them and James studied the other man. He looked vaguely familiar.

Jealousy struck him as he noticed the longing look in the Major's face as he looked at Shepard, who seemed slightly flustered.

Damn! They had history, he was sure of it. Was _he _the man in the photo? But this Major had made no attempt to see her, or he'd have known about it, and she'd never mentioned him, so it had to be over. But then why had she kept the photo?

He watched Shepard as she left to enter the Committee room and noticed that the Major was also fixated on her. James came up behind him.

"You know the Commander?" he asked quietly.

The Major only spared him the briefest of glances before settling back on Shepard as he replied with a wistful tone.

"I used to."

James swore in his head. That was a man who was still in love.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five minutes later and he was now acquainted with Kaidan Alenko, who he now remembered was part of her original crew before the first Normandy had been destroyed. He was an amenable guy, which annoyed James, because he wanted to dislike him, but he didn't have it in him to treat anyone badly when they'd done nothing wrong, and as far as he knew he hadn't, so he put aside his worries regarding Shepard's relationship with the Major and conversed as he would with anyone.

"How's Shepard been?" asked Alenko quietly, and James could see that he was trying to sound matter of fact but his intent gaze belied it.

In his head, he groused '_If she was that important to you, you'd know,'_ but he kept that thought to himself.

He was just about to answer when an explosion rocked the building, knocking them off their feet, rubble hammering down around them.

"What the hell!? SHEPARD!" James yelled, his ears ringing as he thrust himself to his feet and towards the room she was in. The large thick doors were dented outwards and didn't give an inch as James rammed into them. He punched the doors in frustration and fear.

"Goddamnnit! SHEPARD!"

Alenko shouted to James, his finger in his ear as he listened to someone on a comm unit. James tried to calm himself so he could hear the conversation instead of his thundering heart.

"Understood, Sir," Alenko said, then looked over at James.

"That was Anderson, he and Shepard are going to meet us at the landing zone. We need to get to the Normandy and pick them up."

James blew out a deep breath in relief, and they made their way outside. As they passed a large blown-out window they saw the cause of the explosion.

"Holy shit!" James exclaimed.

He watched in horror as huge machines destroyed everything they pointed at. He 'd heard Shepard's descriptions but nothing could have prepared him for the reality. The sheer size of these things was mind-blowing.

Bet the Alliance brass are wishing they'd taken Shepard seriously now, he thought bitterly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He fidgeted restlessly as Joker manoeuvred the ship through countless 'things' that littered the sky, not to mention the Reapers themselves.

They'd hurried down to the cargo bay, grabbing weapons and were getting ready to pick up Anderson and Shepard.

Finally, the cargo hatch opened as the ship hovered at the end of the gangway, and he saw two figures racing towards them. Creatures kept raining down to the ground around them and he and Alenko picked them off quickly.

Shepard arrived first and leapt across the threshold, stumbling slightly as she landed. Alenko caught her by the arm to steady her, adding "welcome aboard, Shepard."

"Thanks," she flung his way, her eyes caught James and he thought he saw relief, then she turned to Anderson who was still on the gangway.

James visually checked her over. A lot of nasty cuts and scrapes on her face and arms, a few gashes in various places ripped through her uniform, but otherwise nothing to worry about.

James didn't hear the conversation between Shepard and Anderson as he took down more abominations. Were they batarian once!?

Then the ship was lifting away and he relaxed. Glancing at Shepard he saw her frozen to the spot as she looked out at the mayhem below them. He quietly approached her, stopping just behind her as he also surveyed the chaos.

He spotted a kid, so small amongst everything, scrambling into a rescue shuttle, then it was obliterated before their eyes and he clamped down his outrage, hearing Shepard gasp. His attention on her, he saw her look away and he moved to her side just as she lifted her head again with the fiercest look of determination and anger he'd ever seen. He saw her place something over her head and recognised the dog tags. He smiled to himself. So Anderson had reinstated her.

She turned to move into the ship and he watched her walk away. Now the Reapers were really in trouble. Then he suddenly realised that Anderson hadn't come aboard, and where the hell were they going? They needed to be _down there_. His thoughts went to his uncle and abuela. He chased after Shepard.

"What the hell is going on? Where's Anderson? Where we going?"

Shepard just kept walking towards the back of the cargo bay, lost in thought.

"HEY!"

James still had the adrenaline and anger rolling through his system and he wasn't about to wait for answers.

She looked over her shoulder at him.

"We're leaving," then she carried on.

"Leaving?!"

Surely he hadn't heard her right.

"What's going on?" Alenko asked her.

"Anderson wants us to go to the Citadel. Get help for the fight."

"Bullshit! He wouldn't order us to leave!"

James couldn't help his outburst. Why the hell would they be ordered to leave the fight? Shepard squared up to him.

"We don't have a choice. Without help this war's already over."

James couldn't stand the thought of walking away from what they'd just seen. That was Earth being decimated, it was his job to defend it, to defend his family.

"Forget it. Drop me off someplace, 'cos _I'm not leaving." _

He glared at her as he spoke, and Shepard's eyes flashed with anger. She stepped towards him and pointed straight in his face.

"ENOUGH! Don't you think _I'd _rather stay and fight?"

He stood stock still at her stern words, seeing her for the first time in full Commander mode.

"We're going to the Citadel. You want out, you can catch a ride from there."

Making herself perfectly clear, she turned to a console. James just waved his hand at her back in a dismissive gesture as he also turned away. He was about ready to hit something, he was so wound up. Then Joker announced an incoming message from Admiral Hackett, and he paused his retreat. Surely Hackett would send them back to the fight. He didn't. He wanted them to go to Mars. Something about Prothean data and it being the only way to stop the Reapers.

James' thoughts went to his family again.

"This is loco," he directed at Alenko, who then questioned Shepard, but she had no more answers for them, so they geared up ready to hit the Mars Archives.


	6. Chapter 6

James piloted the shuttle down to the outskirts of the base.

Still no contact from the base, which was troubling, because the Reapers hadn't attacked here yet.

Not to mention there was an impressive storm was heading their way. That would make things difficult. He notified Shepard, giving an estimate of thirty minutes before the storm would cause them problems in connecting to the Normandy.

They landed and approached the facility on foot.

"Damn, that's a huge storm. Looks a lot bigger in person."

James eyed the massive wall of dust roiling towards them uneasily.

"Pretty average for Mars, actually," Alenko informed him.

James couldn't help the slight sneer at the Major's comment. Thankfully he was still turned towards the storm.

"I'm glad you're so optimistic," grumbled James.

"We've got Reapers invading Earth - the station here's off-line - a little dust storm is the least of our worries," supplied Alenko.

James was beginning to find the man irritating, but he couldn't fault his logic.

"Fair enough."

It wasn't long before they found a downed soldier, and he got an uneasy feeling that something else was going on here. Moving closer to the base, they could hear gunshots. Once they got a visual, they saw soldiers being shot by a Cerberus troop. James couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Holy shit, they're executing them!"

Shepard gave the signal and they leapt into action, taking out the troop easily.

"Cerberus? What are they doing here on Mars?" Alenko asked Shepard.

"Good question," she replied as they moved on.

"You don't know?" Alenko questioned.

That got James' hackles up. What was Alenko suggesting by _that _comment?

"I'm not with them anymore, Kaidan, if that's what you're asking," Shepard responded calmly, but he caught the hint of irritation in her voice.

"It wasn't, but you have to admit, it's a bit…ah…convenient."

Okay, now James had a reason to dislike him. She'd just took a load of Cerberus henchmen out and he's questioning her involvement? Pendejo. At least now he knew why the guy hadn't been there for her. He couldn't see past 'Cerberus'.

Shepard ignored that and they encountered another troop. Once dispatched, James took stock of the vehicles around the entrance.

"Doesn't look like they came here in force."

"Yeah, just a few vehicles," agreed Shepard.

"Must have had help from the inside," added Alenko.

"You could be right," said Shepard.

"No way you could take this facility with anything less than a full battalion," stated Alenko.

"Commander, I thought you told Cerberus to screw off after you wiped out that collector base they were after?" This was for Alenko's benefit.

"That's exactly what I did," confirmed Shepard.

"Well, one thing's for sure - they're no friend of the Alliance," he observed, wondering how the hell Cerberus thought this would help humanity.

"Agreed."

They loaded onto the large platform that would take them inside the facility, getting a chance to relax while they waited for the airlock to seal.

"Shepard, I need a straight answer," demanded Alenko.

James watched Shepard as she raised her hand to her head as if to rub away a headache.

"Kaidan-" she began, tiredly, before he interrupted her.

"Don't _Kaidan _me, this is business!" He was pointing in her face, clearly simmering, and James gripped his weapon tighter whilst clamping his jaw shut in order to stop himself from interjecting.

"Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?"

Okay, Alenko was being an ass. This again? Was the man blind?

"What makes you think _I_ know what they're up to?" snapped Shepard.

"You worked for them for God's sake." Kaidan paced as he talked. "How am I not supposed to think that?" He finished with his back to her.

Shepard stepped closer to him.

"We joined forces to take down the Collectors. That's it."

It was good enough for James. She did what she had to, to get the job done, but apparently it wasn't enough for Alenko.

"There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you from the ground up, they gave you a ship, resources."

"Let me be clear - I've had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the Collector base, and I have no idea why they're here now or what they want."

It was a strong statement and James felt his resentment against Alenko surface, that he would think so little of Shepard. James needed to say something, but decided to keep it civil and factual.

"Commander Shepard has been under constant surveillance since coming back to Earth. No way they've communicated since."

Alenko absorbed that and turned to Shepard.

"Sorry Shepard, it's just that-"

The air vent kicked in to pressurize the area and they removed their helmets. Shepard swung to look Alenko in the eye.

"You, of all people, should know what I'm about, Kaidan," she said sadly.

At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

The platform started to rise and at the apex, she looked over her shoulder at him,

"Please trust me," and then she started walking into the base, with them following her.

"I do, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

James was thinking Alenko should just shut up, but then he was interrupted by noise coming from the ducts overhead.

They took cover as they heard gunfire ricocheting off metal. An asari jumped out followed by a couple of Cerberus men, which she dispatched with a singularity and a few shots. Shepard came out of cover and James came up beside her, gun raised, only for Shepard to knock his gun downwards.

"Easy there, Lieutenant. She's with us."

James noted her small smile at seeing the asari. They greeted each other with an ease that comes from true friendship, and obviously from around the same time she served with Alenko, from how the asari, Liara, acknowledged him too.

Thankfully, Liara was able to explain what was so important that Hackett had sent them there. These archives supposedly held the plans for a prothean device that may be able to help against the Reapers. Now that sounded promising, but James then got distracted by Liara's shockingly off-hand comment about being the Shadow Broker. He caught Liara's apology for not visiting Shepard, which Shepard waved off. Then they moved on to Cerberus being there.

"What are they after?"

"Yeah, they seem hell-bent on catching _you." _James nodded to Liara, as he moved closer to Shepard, looking at her, giving her unspoken support over the Cerberus subject.

"They want what I'm here for. What we're all here for."

"But why?" asked Shepard.

Liara carried on about the protheans creating this device in order to defeat the Reapers, the blueprint for which, was stored in the prothean data within the Archives.

"And anything powerful enough to destroy the Reapers…" Kaidan injected, as he moved to stand between Shepard and James. Was that intentional?

"…just might be something Cerberus would be interested in," finished Shepard.

"So it's a race to the Archives." James pointed in the direction they needed to head in.

At that moment they heard more troops working to gain access to their area.

"We've got company," announced Shepard, as she headed for a more defensive position.

James came up beside her again, readying his weapon.

"Bring it on!"

"Not this time, James." Shepard got his attention fully with that. He looked at her in surprise.

"What?!"

"Get back to the shuttle. If Cerberus beats us to the Archives, I need you to cover the exits."

Damn! That sounded completely sensible, but that didn't mean he liked it.

"But-" he began to argue, but the sound of Cerberus nearly breaking through stopped him.

Shepard turned back to him.

"Now, Lieutenant," she ordered with a no-nonsense look, as she activated the platform's console.

He hated the order but he followed it and ran onto the platform. Shepard sent the platform down and went to prepare for the onslaught, while he got to watch her disappear above him.

James mumbled to himself about being left out of the fight, vigilant as he headed to the shuttle, but encountering no one. He chose to wait outside the shuttle, watching the approaching dust storm, as he listened intently to the comm chatter, as they dealt with hostiles and made their way to the tramway that would take them to the Archive building.

Liara was talking to Shepard.

"I don't know how you do it. You've always stayed focused, even in the worst situations."

"When there's so much at stake, I just think about what I'd lose if I fail."

James shifted uncomfortably. Was she talking about some_one_? She didn't have a family.

Damn. It was Alenko, had to be. Pendejo wasn't worthy of her.

After a short while he climbed into the shuttle to get out of the strengthening winds.

He could feel the shuttle being buffeted by the storm as it closed in, and he tried to connect to the Normandy. Nothing. He felt the need to check in on Shepard.

"Commander. You read me?"

"Barely. Stor..'s causing interf..rence."

Her voice came through static.

"Tell me about it. I've lost contact with the Normandy. What's your position?"

"I di..n't read that, ..ames. Repea..?"

She was breaking up.

"I said - what's your position?" he repeated, feeling antsy.

"_….."_ Damn it! He cursed to himself.

A while later, the comm was still only working intermittently. He tried to piece together the snatches of conversation. The Major had suggested finding a Cerberus transmitter to pose as one of them in order to get the tram set over, and had gone to find a downed trooper.

"What?" James heard Shepard ask.

"The Major has become very… capable," replied Liara.

"That he has," agreed Shepard, before Alenko called her over.

James just shook his head, as he sat in the shuttle, itching to be in there instead of here.

Alenko had found a downed Cerberus man, and was talking about getting into his helmet to retrieve the transmitter.

"My God. He looks like a husk."

Damn, thought James, thinking husks?

"Yeah, not quite, but they've definitely done something to him."

"And by they, you mean Cerberus?" questioned Alenko. "They did this to their own guy?"

There was a pause before he continued. "Is this what they did to you?"

James couldn't believe his ears. This guy was unbelievable! Did he really just suggest she was some kind of husk?!

"How can you compare _me _to _him_!?" Shepard sounded just as appalled as he was at the implication, and _he _couldn't even see what this Cerberus guy looked like.

"Shepard, I don't know what you are anymore. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by The Illusive Man himself."

James swore out loud at that.

"Stupid bastard!"

Luckily he'd turned his own comm unit off.

"Kaidan, I-" Shepard seemed lost for words.

"Don't try to explain it. I don't think I'd understand anyway. I just want to know, is the person that I followed to hell and back, the person that I loved…. Are you still in there… somewhere?"

Well, there was the confirmation of their previous relationship. James felt gutted, and it surprised him just how much. He waited to hear what she would say in response.

"You -Cerberus - it's all in the past now, Kaidan. We have a war to fight and that's all that matters."

James let out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Hoo-yah! Alenko had blown it. Pendejo.

"Understood," came Alenko's solemn voice.

What the hell did the guy expect after he all but called her some husk puppet?

"Good," finished Shepard, and he imagined her walking away, with Alenko pining after her.

He sat there in the shuttle, dust battering against the shuttle as he wondered about his feelings for Shepard. She was beautiful, sexy even in armour and she wasn't even aware of it. That made her even more attractive, that modesty. But the wrapping wasn't all there was to Shepard. She was strong, controlled, decisive, loyal, and determined, and under all of that, hidden to most, there was a woman who was vulnerable, who cared too deeply, and he wanted to be the one to hold her heart. He would never let her down, never break her heart. She was one of a kind, a ray of light in the darkness.

Oh man, he had it bad. He'd never lingered over a woman before. He had fun with women who wanted the same and he moved on. No-one had ever made him dwell, to crave more, yet he could picture being with Shepard forever, and he hadn't even kissed her.

The storm was still interfering with the comm signal and James was only able to catch bits and pieces now. They were in the Archives and he could hear Shepard talking to The Illusive Man. The bastard called her a 'tool' he had no further use for and threatened her. Then James lost the signal again.

"James! You re..d me? Cerb… has the dat.. ! R…io the Norm….y! Get th..m down …re, now!"

He tried to reply but he could tell that nothing got through. He tried the Normandy as he started the shuttle, heading in the general direction of the facility. On the third try, he got through to Joker.

"She's getting away! Damnnit!" Shepard's frantic voice suddenly burst through the static, and he picked up her signal.

Nearing her position he could see a woman jumping into a Cerberus shuttle and taking off, Shepard on the roof below it.

"JAMES! NORMANDY! _ANYBODY_!" Shepard was shouting in desperation.

He saw only one course of action to ensure that shuttle came down, and he aimed his shuttle straight at it.

"I got _this _one," he said out loud, and he hit it dead on. He came close to whiplash but his helmet helped, and he fought to keep the shuttle in the air. The impact had knocked the other shuttle back to the roof, fire bursting out before it crashed. He watched Shepard, Alenko and Liara throw themselves out of the way as it hit, debris flying about, then brought the shuttle round to land next to them, once Shepard waved the all-clear.

She was waiting for him as he opened the shuttle door. The impact had jarred him a bit, and he shook out his neck and limbs as he spoke to her.

"Normandy's on route. There'll be here soon," then he turned to check out the damage to the shuttle.

Shepard had been extremely shocked by what he'd just done, worried that he'd just injured himself, and she checked him over as he exited the shuttle, but he'd just shook it off and carried on as normal. But Shepard couldn't shake the alarm she felt about him risking himself. An impact like that could have turned out disastrously for both shuttles.

James decided that the shuttle was probably on the verge of death now and turned back to find Shepard looking straight at him with concern. She stopped in front of him and was just about to say something when they heard shots. They ran around to the other side of the shuttle and saw the Cerberus woman was still alive - only she wasn't a woman, she was a machine. It grabbed Alenko by his head and lifted him off his feet.

"KAIDAN!" shouted Shepard as she aimed her gun, but she couldn't shoot at the risk of hitting him. "Let him go," she demanded, and they watched as the robot activated it's earpiece.

"Orders?" it asked, and they both knew that it was talking to The Illusive Man. It listened, then swung Alenko towards the downed shuttle.

"NO!" Shepard cried, as it slammed his head hard against the downed shuttle hard, once, twice before letting him drop and racing straight for her. Shepard was clear to shoot and the robot went down just feet from Shepard. Once she was sure it wouldn't move she sprang towards Alenko, who hadn't moved either.

"Grab that thing," she directed at James, and he gathered up the very feminine robotic body as he watched Shepard crouch over Alenko, then hoist him up in a fireman's carry. The Normandy lowered into place and they boarded. They lifted away from the planet as Reapers began to descend.

Shepard raced Alenko into the medbay, laying him gently on the bed, and James dumped his load on another. He looked over to Shepard and noticed that she hovered over Alenko, floundering. The guy didn't look good, and it clearly upset her. She didn't seem to know what to do as she stared at him, and there was no doctor on board.

Liara was trying to get through to her, but it wasn't until Joker told her about Hackett waiting to speak to her, that she actually shook herself out of her stupor, running out of the medbay.

It seemed her feelings for Alenko weren't in the past.

James looked at Alenko while Liara tried to help him. Alenko was a lucky man to have a woman like Shepard so concerned for him, despite his hurtful words earlier. He hoped the Major pulled through - for Shepard's sake, and he left the medbay with a heavy heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They followed the medical team onto the Citadel as they rushed Alenko to the hospital, Shepard in front.

Alenko barely had a pulse when he left the Normandy.

"Where are you taking him?" asked Shepard.

"Huerta Memorial. Best care on the Citadel," a medic returned.

Shepard stopped following and just watched, deep distress etched into her face.

James knew she needed to be there with Alenko - it's what he would feel if it was her on that bed - and he wondered what was stopping her.

"We're not going with?" he asked.

It was Liara who answered. The Council.

"Right."

Of course, duty came first, though he could see Shepard was warring with that. She was now turned to the viewing window, clutching the railing like a life-line. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but he knew it wasn't him she needed.

A reprieve came in the form of C-Sec Commander Bailey, who Shepard was familiar with. He told her she'd have time to drop by the hospital before the Council would be ready to see her, and James decided he liked the guy. He saw to the heart of things. Shepard had looked relieved and thanked him. Liara decided to go wait outside the Council chambers and Bailey arranged for an escort for her, then looked to him.

James didn't want to impose himself on Shepard while she fretted over Alenko, and he had no intention of getting involved in politics with the council, so he told Bailey he was "just a tourist today", before wandering off.

He spent the next hour acquainting himself with the immediate vicinity, noting the important places, like the Purgatory bar, before heading up to the Embassies where Shepard would be. As he waited, he looked out at the Citadel.

It was almost surreal. It was a joke. Earth was being destroyed and this place was business as usual.

That's when he got it. Why they were here. But he also knew that soon Earth wouldn't be the only world at threat, and that the mixed species council would be looking out for their own worlds.

Liara had exited first, and told him they'd been denied. No surprise.

His thoughts turned to Shepard. She was facing an almost insurmountable task. It didn't seem fair to place so much on her, especially after the way she'd been treated. With Alenko out of the fight she only had Liara and himself to help her on the ground, and he'd be damned if he was going to let her down now. He wanted to stay by her side.

Then she appeared beside him.

"Hey, Commander. Liara told me the council isn't interested in helping us." His voice was soft, his mind still going over their situation.

"Something like that."

She looked strained. She still had a battle to win here, with the damn council.

"Why would they? Look at this place. There's no war here. People are whispering about it, they're talking about it, but they don't really believe it."

"I take it this is your first time here, with the …elite… of the galaxy," she had grimaced at the word 'elite'.

"I've been to the Citadel, but never up here to the Presidium. It's… not right. It looks pretty. Calm and peaceful, but it's not right. It's all just an illusion."

"It _was _peaceful…once."

"But was it? Really? I mean when push comes to shove they're just gonna turtle up, hope it don't hit them too, right? They'd rather believe in _this_, than face the truth."

"I can hardly believe it myself." Shepard looked down as she said it. "Like everything back on Earth was some kind of nightmare."

"Yeah. Huh - That's what I hate most. This place _wants _you to forget that." He frowned in anger. Shepard focused on him again, and realising they had been standing close during their conversation, she took a step back.

"So. You still want to go back to Earth?"

"Hell yeah, but…" he hesitated. He wanted to tell her how he felt, to tell her she could count on him.

"But?"

"You were right. So was Anderson. We can't stop them alone. Besides it looks like you'll have your hands full convincing these pendejo politicians to help us, and I'm up for it. Whatever it takes."

Okay, so he'd chickened out of the feelings part. She wasn't available anyway.

"Glad to hear it." She looked relieved.

"How is the Major doing?

"Still out, but the doctor was optimistic." She looked down as she spoke.

"Well, that's good news," he rolled out the platitude.

"Yeah, it is." Then her face lightened. "Dr Chakwas will be rejoining the Normandy."

"No way! You found her?"

"More like she found _us_. She heard that the Normandy was coming into dock with a seriously injured biotic and headed over to help."

"Well, it's good to know I won't have to subject myself to your questionable med skills again," he joked.

"Watch it, Lieutenant," Shepard said with a mock glare.

He just laughed.

"Oh, Joker said it'll be another hour before the ship's re-fueled," he informed her. "I'm gonna head down to some of the lower levels where they keep it real. You got some spare time, you should come with me."

"Maybe I'll do that," she smiled, and they fell into step with each other.

Her Omni-tool chimed and they paused. Reading the message, she sighed.

"Raincheck. Udina wants to speak with me." She turned away like the world was pressing down on her shoulders.

James headed for the elevator alone, acknowledging that Shepard had more than the world on her shoulders. She had the entire damn galaxy, and it wasn't right.


	7. Chapter 7

The ship was headed for Palaven, and Shepard finally had the chance to introduce herself to her new crew. She wanted to make sure they were alright with their sudden conscription onto the Normandy. Everyone had found themselves tasks to fulfil so Shepard just made sure she knew them by name, and as always she made an effort to get a little background. She was particularly happy to see Engineer Adams again.

Eventually, she arrived in the Cargo Bay. She had a chat with Cortez who would be taking over as shuttle pilot, which could only be a good thing after James' flying. She got the idea that Cortez liked to keep busy, and he had a camaraderie with James that suggested a previous association. He seemed exceedingly sad behind the friendly exterior though, and so she made a mental note to keep an eye on him.

James had ear-wigged their conversation, adding his own 'two cents' every now and then, just to keep things light. Shepard had pointedly ignored him, and focused on Cortez. He worried about his friend. Cortez had been devastated when he'd lost his husband to Collectors on Ferris Fields, and James could only imagine the hell Cortez had been through, hearing it happen, and being helpless to prevent it. James knew Cortez was different now. He was still stuck in that sad place, and James had no idea how to help him.

Then there was Shepard. He worried about her too. Except she didn't need him, she needed Major Alenko, because whether she realised it or not, she wasn't over him.

It shouldn't be having this effect on him though. It's not as if she was ever his. Though it had begun to feel like she was, over the course of those six months in Vancouver.

Now, she was Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, way out of his league and beyond his reach. Ah, now he felt wound up.

James turned back to his work area, but then decided he needed to work out the tension that had built between his shoulders, and jumped up to grab the metal bar that stretched above him. He'd checked it out earlier and was satisfied it would hold his weight easily. Then he hoisted his body, almost touching the back of his neck on the bar before slowly lowering, then started again.

Shepard watched James lifting himself up on the bar as she approached. His muscles rippled as he moved with apparent ease. Only the small grunts denoted the effort it took.

She thought back to Mars and knew she had to talk to him about his suicidal shuttle run.

"Hey, Shepard. How'd it go with Udina?"

He could feel her eyes on him, and wondered what she saw when she looked at him.

"Same as usual. Plenty to say but no real help. At least he's on my side, this time." That was a somewhat snarky comment, but she couldn't help herself. She disliked the man immensely. "And the turian councillor paid a visit."

"Bet he wanted you to help them out, no?"

"Yep. We're going to rescue a turian primarch from Palaven."

"Sounds like fun. Never been to the turian home world. You come down here for something, or you just lookin'?" James tried to make it sound like his usual jests, but his heart wasn't in it.

"I did just come to chat, but I might stay for the show." Shepard made herself comfortable against a container, as she played along.

James smiled to himself.

"Have to work harder than that if you want to me to blush."

Then he remembered that she was officially his superior officer now, and she'd certainly stepped up to that role when they'd left Earth and he'd voiced his displeasure. She had come to talk to him in a professional capacity then.

"Not sure what there is to talk about. You already know my service record."

"I don't actually. I didn't have access to personnel records when we met."

All business. So this was a fishing exercise, he decided. Damn, this body-lifting wasn't working to relieve that tight feeling.

"Right… forgot about that. Well…" He let go of the bar and landed, stretching out his neck muscles. If he was going to be questioned, he was going to try to have some fun. "Think you can dance and talk at the same time?"

Cheeky, she thought, and she gave a small laugh.

"Oh, I can dance," and they headed to the centre of the cargo bay.

They'd never sparred before, he was always 'on watch', so this would be interesting.

"Okay, Lola. Let's do this."

Shepard laughed again as they readied themselves into defensive positions, face to face.

"Don't let my good looks fool you, Vega. I've got my share of scars," she smirked at him. Punch. Punch. He blocked.

"Ha! You remind me of my old CO." James was amused. Punch. Punch. She blocked.

"Oh yeah?" Punch, blocked. "And who was that?"

"Captain Toni. He was a hard-assed son of a bitch, but a good leader."

She saw an opportunity to get past his guard but chose not to. He threw more hits at her and she had to concentrate to block them as she spoke.

"What do you mean 'was'?" They circled.

"Died - with most of my squad - protecting a civilian colony from a collector attack."

He threw more punches, anger and guilt suddenly resurfaced as he relived it. All blocked.

Shepard could see this was a sore subject, but given his suicidal attitude on Mars, she knew it was something he needed to exorcise, so she pushed.

"And the colony?"

"It was either them…" Punch. "….or the intel we had on the collectors -" Punch. "- intel we could have used to destroy them."

His anger was building, his hits coming harder.

"I chose the intel!"

A hard swinging punch came flying at her and she jumped back to avoid it. As much as she wanted him to work out his issues, she had no intention of being on the receiving end of a hit. She felt his guilt over a hard decision.

"Sorry. That's a tough call."

They were both breathing heavily now.

"The best part was, we didn't really need the intel in the end…because _you _were out saving the galaxy, by taking down the entire collector home world." He was glaring at her now, a flurry of punches she had to work to block.

That was the reason for the anger, though she knew he didn't really blame her. It was just a fact that her actions had rendered his own, hard-to-deal-with sacrifice, completely pointless, compounding his guilt even further.

"You didn't know. You can't blame yourself, Vega."

He scoffed.

"Who said I'm blaming myself?" Again he was distracted and again she held back from using it to her advantage, instead giving some slower punches that he blocked.

"I

do," she stated.

"You a shrink too?" he asked sarcastically.

She gave him more punches to block.

"No. But that stunt back on Mars was reckless. You're lucky to be alive."

"So?" he demanded, bluntly.

"So… maybe you don't care if you live.…or die!"

"Or maybe…I'm just willing to do whatever the _fuck _it takes to end this goddamn war!" He yelled as he went for her and this time she exploited his angry move, grabbing his arm, turning her body so her back was pressed against his chest and bending forward so she could fling him over her shoulder. He gave a surprise grunt as he landed on his side. She had to catch her breath from the exertion of hoisting his weight.

"Maybe you are. But if you're half as good as I think you are… we need you alive."

Shepard made him meet her eyes as she spoke, and he was shocked to see genuine distress behind the stern face. His anger fizzled out. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions he couldn't organise in that moment. He rose to his feet and walked away. He knew he needed to think and he turned back to her.

"Thanks for the pep talk," he was being deliberately belligerent. Shepard chose to ignore it, and James suddenly felt like a complete jerk.

"Any time," she said melodically.

James smiled inwardly. She wasn't holding it against him, and he wanted to apologise.

"Hey. Thanks for the dance, Lola." Translation - sorry.

It was the second time he'd called her Lola and she laughed, putting her hand on her hip.

"Lola, huh?" She quirked one brow. Apology accepted.

"You kind of look like a Lola," he grinned back at her.

"You're cute… so I'll let you get away with it. For now."

James hadn't expected that response.

"That's it… now you've made me blush."

He walked away to hide the huge smile on his face.

In the elevator, Shepard rested the back of her head against the wall as it rose, thinking about what James had said.

She understood the guilt of someone dying as a direct result of your own decision, but what she didn't get was the self-destructive path he'd taken.

She felt the guilt, for Ashley, and most recently, for the thousands of innocents on Aratoht, but it had driven her to do better.

Then she realised that on Virmire her decision had a clear result. The bomb had gone off, the Virmire lab was destroyed, the task had been completed.

Aratoht still lingered like a hard to swallow pill but she knew she'd succeeded in slowing the Reapers.

For James, he'd made a decision for the greater good by saving the intel, but then she'd taken out the base, and the threat was no longer there. The intel was useless, and James had nothing to show for his sacrifice, and it was _that _that made it difficult for him to look in the mirror.

Shepard imagined how she'd feel to know she'd sacrificed Ashley, only for the bomb to have failed, for Virmire to remain untouched - for nothing to have changed. How it would feel to have pressed the button, dooming those batarian colonists, only to find out later that the Reapers were never about to come through.

She wished she could make it better for James, but she'd said what he had no doubt heard a hundred times from those around him. Now it was up to him to believe it.

James knew Cortez had seen the whole sparring match, would have heard everything, and would be concerned about him, but he didn't want to talk about it any more, so he kept himself busy cleaning weapons, radiating 'Don't bother me', and thankfully Cortez stayed away.

He had no business insinuating it was Shepard's fault he felt like a failure as a soldier for making the wrong choice.

She did what she had to do and he respected that, and he certainly shouldn't have gotten angry with her. Damnnit! If she hadn't been able to dodge his attacks, he would have hit her - hard. What the hell was going on in his head?! Was he that messed up by it that he couldn't be logical?

He had to move past it. Shepard needed him to help her save Earth, so he would bury Fehl deep again, and focus on being the best soldier he could be. And he was sure as hell going to be there to see the Reapers end.


	8. Chapter 8

Palaven looked in bad shape.

Shepard had briefed them on their mission. They were here to rescue the turian primarch so he could start a summit between the other races.

James figured it was a no-brainer that everyone should team up to fight the Reapers, but apparently they had to talk about it first. Pendejos.

He shook the hand of Garrus Vakarian as Shepard introduced them, the relief and happiness when she saw the turian was evident on her face. He knew that Vakarian had been with her from the beginning, and he immediately liked the guy.

Liara had gone back to the ship to help Joker with some problem with the ship and Garrus was about to lead them to where he'd last seen Victus, who had now become the new primarch following the death of the old one.

Another attack befell the base before they'd even taken a step. Shepard jumped onto the gun turret atop the wall, and they joined her.

Finally being able to take down some of the things attacking his home was a good stress reliever, and James enjoyed picking off the husks that Shepard couldn't reach as they ran mindlessly towards them. To think that these used to be human….It just filled him with rage.

Then a larger ball of flame landed and something new emerged. What the hell did _that _used to be? They'd already encountered turian abominations a half hour ago, now this? The head was the top half of a turian's skull but the rest of it was like a krogan, except twice as big. James decided that couldn't be good, and they all stared at it.

Suddenly it started barrelling at an impressive speed towards the barricade they were standing on.

"Brace yourselves!" shouted Shepard.

The impact made the whole wall shake violently and James saw Shepard lose her grip, then her balance and started to fall off the wall, on the wrong side.

"SHEPARD!" James lurched forwards to try to catch her but he was too late, and she landed with a grunt, right behind the brute which was shaking it's head from the impact. Shepard leapt up and ran to a rocky protrusion a short distance away. Then it turned to her and charged again.

James threw himself off the wall, Garrus joining him, and they began to attack the brute as it charged her. Shepard attacked too, and just as James feared she was about to get crushed, she dived and rolled out of it's path. The rock she had been behind practically exploded with the impact. The damn thing was heavily armoured.

This time the brute chose to charge _them _instead of Shepard, but they finally brought it down before it reached them, and it slid the rest of the way on it's front and James stopped it with his foot. He really didn't like that thing, and he worried what the hell they were going to meet next. Just as he thought he'd encountered the worst abomination, another even worse managed to turn up. He sighed heavily as he shook his head in disgust, then followed Garrus and Shepard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Back on the ship, Shepard had headed straight up to the war room with Victus, while James and Garrus went about dealing with the armour and weaponry.

"Hey, Scars," James got the turian's attention.

"Scars?"

"Yeah, you know, suits you," he gestured to the right side of his face.

"Well, I guess I can't argue with that. It _is _pretty impressive," Garrus boasted, running his taloned hand over the damaged plating.

"How'd you get it?"

"Rocket. Straight to the face," he answered, matter of factly.

"Whoa! Gotta love that tough exoskeleton thing you got going there, 'cos there's no way a human could survive that! Still, I bet you're a hit with the krogan women, no?" joked James.

Garrus rolled his eyes

"Been there, done that, Vega," he drawled.

"What!?" James nearly dropped the weapon in his hand. "You've had a krogan female!?"

Garrus actually did drop the weapon in his hand.

"What!?" he hastily retrieved the rifle from the ground. "No! I meant the joke!"

"Oh! Ha! Phew! That conjured images I wasn't ready for!"

James and Garrus both shuddered in unison.

"So, you and the Commander go back a bit, huh?" asked James.

Garrus visibly puffed up, proudly.

"Absolutely. From the beginning of this mess. I'd been trying for months to bring Saren down, but C-Sec rules…" he trailed off, aggravation evident as he thought back. "Anyway, along came Shepard, and offered me another way, and I took it. Saved me from myself that day, because I'm fairly sure I'd have done something stupid, I was so frustrated by it all."

"Well, you certainly got the job done."

"Yes, we did. Joining up with Shepard was the best thing I ever did," Garrus said with satisfaction.

"Yeah, got to agree with that." A note of admiration colouring James' voice.

Garrus chuckled, patting James' shoulder as he moved past him.

"You sounded a lot like a certain former Lieutenant of hers, just then, Vega."

Garrus headed to the lift.

"Oh yeah? Who was that?" called James.

"Alenko," Garrus replied as he stepped into the elevator.

That shut James up.

"If Shepard needs me, tell her I'll be in the Battery," Garrus added before the doors closed.

James huffed. Just where Shepard said he would head.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What the hell's up with EDI?" James asked Shepard, as she joined him at his workstation. He'd been more than a little shocked when he'd headed up for a coffee, and found himself face to face with the Cerberus creation that had been shooting at them back on Mars. Even more so when it spoke to him with EDI's voice.

"She's found a new home, I guess," shrugged Shepard, like the migration of the ship AI into a girly robot body was nothing extraordinary.

"A super-hot, sexy home. You take her on a mission, I'm gonna be just a little bit distracted."

His eyes radiated mischief, then he pointedly stared at her chest. "Even more distracted."

"Nice try," and Shepard had to fight not to laugh.

"Sorry, Lola." He wasn't sorry.

"What's with you and the nicknames?"

"It's just my way of remembering people. Some people just don't match their names, you know? So I just give 'em a new one," he said matter of factly. Not that he needed one to remember Shepard, but he liked thinking of her apart from the Commander persona.

"So, I'm a Lola, huh?"

"Yeah, my best friend's sister growing up was Lola. Older sister. Hot .Tough.'"

He stared straight into her eyes and she suddenly felt too warm. Subject change required before she embarrassed herself.

"Right. You mentioned a mission you had against the collectors. What happened?" Shepard cringed inwardly as she blurted out the first thing that crossed her mind. Did she really just bring that up again? She watched in dismay as the light in his eyes dulled.

"Pretty much what I said. Things went FUBAR, and I was one of the few to make it out. If you want the rest of the story you're going to have to get me really drunk or…" but he didn't let that thought out.

"Or what?" she pressed.

"That's about it. Sorry, Commander. Just not interested in talking about that." She noticed he hadn't used his nickname for her and backed away from the subject.

"Any news on your family?"

"Couldn't get hold of them when I was last on the Citadel, but no surprise there. Anyone escaping Earth would have only just be arriving there now, so I'll check again next time we dock."

"I'm sure they're fine, James."

"Yeah, I hope so."

She knew she should go, but she wanted the distraction, feeling a sudden overwhelming urge to bury herself under her bedcover and shut everything out for a while.

James saw the shadow cross her face and frowned.

"What's going on, Lola?" he asked softly.

She gave a tired laugh.

"Oh, Victus just wants me to get the krogan to help them on Palaven."

His eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"What? I thought that there's a whole lot of bad blood between them, because of the genophage thing." He was confused.

"Yep. But Victus won't offer any help to Earth, unless we can alleviate the pressure on Palaven, and for that he wants the krogan. So I now have to try to broker some kind of alliance between them, ignoring the fact that they've been warring for a thousand years."

Okay, yeah, that seemed like a tall order, James thought.

"Isn't that the sort of thing the politicians are supposed to do?"

Another tired laugh.

"Uh huh. Except that _I've _been tasked to bring help for Earth, and this is the only way I can get turian aid."

Now he understood why Edi's new body was simply a by-note to Shepard. Damn politics. James was about to offer some words of support when they were both distracted by frantic voices from the direction of the armoury. They both moved to look around the containers and saw Cortez bent over a machine that was playing a recorded conversation between him and another man, tears streaming down his face.

Shepard watched as Cortez relived the moment he lost a person he clearly cared a lot for.

James frowned. He wanted to say something, but what could he offer? Before he could do anything, Shepard was crossing over to Cortez, so he stayed in place.

James listened as Cortez opened up to her about losing his husband to the collectors on Ferris Fields, and voiced his loneliness.

This woman, who had the galaxy on her shoulders, placed her hand on Cortez's shoulder and told him he wasn't alone, that she was there for him anytime he needed her.

James fell a whole lot harder for Shepard in that moment.

Cortez thanked her, then assured her that when he was in the pilot's seat he was there a hundred percent, that he wouldn't let her down, that it was just the down-time between missions that was hard for him.

"I know," she said, and her voice was almost a whisper.

James wished he could comfort her, but he knew that the man she needed was lying in a hospital bed, but he could be a friend, like she had been to Cortez.

He could try at least.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They had almost a day to spare before everyone would be available for the summit, so they were given shore leave on the Citadel.

Shepard was headed to the hospital after receiving a message from a now conscious Alenko, so James decided to head off to immerse himself in the light atmosphere and alcohol of Purgatory. As he walked through the holding bay he was surprised and relieved to see Cortez at the viewing window.

"Hey, Esteban! Thought you never left the ship!" The man pushed himself way too hard.

"Yeah, well… I promised Shepard I'd take some time off, as a favour to her. How could I refuse?"

James smiled. He'd been trying to get Cortez to ease up, and had failed, but Shepard had found a way to get through.

"Whatever the reason, it's good to see you taking a break for once. You know, if you want a little more excitement, you could join me in Purgatory."

Cortez held his hands up as if to ward him off.

"I think I'll stay here for now. Not sure I'm ready for mingling with the crowds. I'm kinda enjoying the peace," then Cortez grinned at him. "Or _was."_

"Oh ho!" This time it was James who held his hands up in mock surrender. "I get it, Esteban! I'm going!"

He gripped Cortez's shoulder and gave it a little shake before walking off, feeling optimistic.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

He was in good spirits when he saw Shepard walk in to Purgatory, dressed casual in jeans with a hooded top adorned with the N7 logo. She looked great, and he tried not to think about her recent visit with the Major.

Shepard walked over to James who was standing at the bar. He noticed the soldiers he'd been talking to earlier were pointing in her direction and nudging each other, but unlike they had with him, they made no move to come over for camaraderie's sake.

"Hey, Commander. Nice to see you down here in the dirt with us grunts."

She crossed her arms defensively.

"You think I don't like getting dirty?"

James laughed at her tight comment.

"Whoa, now. Come on…" He felt so hyped up he actually bounced on his toes as if she was about to start sparring with him again. "I didn't mean anything by it, Lola."

"Uh huh. What did you mean then?"

He pointed to some soldiers, and told her how they saw her differently from themselves, because she was a legend.

"You don't seem intimidated by me in the least. In fact, you could use a little more deference," she jested. The fact was she liked his easy going, laid back manner around her, so long as he was a professional on the field - and he was.

"Ha, sure… but I've fought with you. I've seen you in action. Don't get me wrong. You're good. Probably one of the best."

"Probably?" She struggled to sound incredulous.

"And you fill out a uniform like nobody's business," He raked his eyes over her figure. "Just saying. But I know you're human, just like me."

She had felt the heat from his roving eyes begin to manifest in her cheeks, so she moved the conversation back.

"But not them?"

"Nope. Hell, I still remember the day they made you the first human spectre. I watched it on the vids, just like all of them. But to them, you're still larger than life."

"I've seen a hell of a lot, but I'm still just a soldier. I'm still one of them."

"Sure, but they don't know you. They just know what they've been told. Listen. You want them to see you're one of us, right?"

"Maybe," she decided she was going to leave a herself a way out when it came to James. Who knew what he'd get her in to.

"Then buy them a round."

She grinned. "I like the way you think, Lieutenant."

He gave her a nod of approval and shouted them over, announced the next round on her and started a military chant, that Shepard finished. They saluted her and thanked her before taking their drinks back to their table. James watched her the whole time, an enigmatic smile on his face.

"Not bad, Commander. I was hoping you'd know that one."

"Thanks for the warning," she added sarcastically.

"Thanks for the drink." He turned back to the bar and she settled into the small space next to him, her arm and hip pressed up close.

"I checked in at the refugee area."

"Oh, any luck?"

"Nothing for any Vega's. I left my details with the Citadel staff responsible for logging the refugees coming in, so they'll notify me if they arrive."

Shepard paused as she processed that. His uncle and grandmother were his mother's family.

"You mean Vega isn't your father's surname?"

"Nah. I decided to use my mother's family name when I left for the military. I guess it was my way of disowning my father," he shrugged.

"Did you run a check for him too?"

"No, why would I? I haven't seen him in years."

"He hasn't even tried to make contact in all that time?"

James looked a little uncomfortable.

"Well, a few times. Usually some garbled message that didn't make a lot of sense. That's what red sand will do to you." He shook his head in disgust.

"That's how destructive that self-imposed blame can be, if you let it. It's sad to think that the only way he could find peace from his guilt was with alcohol and drugs. He focused on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. Could only see what he'd lost rather than what he had. And once you throw red sand into that…well, I've seen the changes in friends. They become self-absorbed, so desperate for the next hit that they'd do unbelievable things, and it heightens the emotions. Sadness turns into heavy depression. Anger fueled into full-blown rage." Shepard sighed sadly.

There was a moment of silence, but James could still hear her words echoing in his head. She'd given him a perspective he hadn't seen himself, and he knew he would be heading back to check for his father before he reboarded.

"Whoa," she looked suspiciously at the drink in her hand. "What is in this stuff, because it's made me spout deep and heavy thoughts."

James grinned back at her. "It's that inner shrink coming out again."

"I think you mean my wise self, Lieutenant Vega," she said haughtily.

"Ha! Maybe!" He was enjoying the warmth of her body.

"Maybe?!" she said with mock incredulity. "Alright, come one, give me some of your 'nuggets of wisdom'"!'

"Okay." He took on the challenge, then actually rolled his shoulders and cracked his knuckles as if he was readying for a fight.

Shepard just leaned against the bar, watching his display with amusement.

Then he moved in closer, his mouth just inches from her ear, as though no one else must hear. She had to fight hard to resist the shiver that chased it's way down her spine as his breath hit her skin.

James really wished he hadn't gone with his rash move forwards, when his witty response evaporated from his mind with the scent of her skin. She smelled like the fresh ocean air, like home. It was wonderful. He gulped. His brain racing to work again. He was tongue-tied! That never happened to him! Say something! He found his voice, but it came out low.

"Think twice before taking on a challenge from the most beautiful woman you've ever seen."

He inwardly winced. Well, it's what he was thinking, at least, but it was really supposed to stay in his head…and oh shit, how lame was that!?

She pulled back slightly, turning her face to look at him. A bad move, because now there was only a finger's width between their noses. Time seemed to stop, along with her breath. James had the overwhelming urge to close the gap between them, to feel her lips against his, to taste her.

That's when her Omni-tool interrupted, and he straightened with a jerk.

She finally managed to breath out as she put her drink down and read the message.

"Back to work for me, I guess," she sighed tiredly.

James wished she'd take a moment for herself.

"It can't wait a little longer?" he asked gently.

She really didn't want to leave, and she knew it had nothing to do with having to face reality again, but she shook her head.

Of course not, James thought, there was too much riding on her.

"See you aboard, James."

He immediately missed the contact as soon as she moved away. He watched her stroll over to none other than the pirate-queen, Aria T'Loak, who was smirking at him from her couch. The fact that she was allowed in the asari's private area without a pause, and sat straight down to chat, surprised him. Then he chuckled to himself. When was he going to learn that anything was possible when it came to Shepard.

That's when he noticed the two soldiers who'd benefited from Shepard's generosity earlier, were still sitting at the table nearby, slack-jawed as they looked over at him. Oops, guess they saw the whole 'face very close to Shepard's' thing. He just grabbed his drink and raised it in a toasting gesture and turned back to the bar. That'll give them something to gossip about. Then he winced - not so sure Shepard would appreciate it.

He gave a huge sigh. What was he thinking? She was his superior officer, and she was enamoured with a certain Major. Then his inner devil started giving his opinion.

When had he ever been bothered about the stupid frat regs, this was just the first time the woman hadn't been the same rank as him, and was she really into the Major as much as he thought? I mean, she'd told the man himself, it was in the past, back on Mars…

He rubbed his hands over his face. Shit. He needed another drink.


	9. Chapter 9

James was feeling bewildered.

Seriously?! They were expecting her to cure the genophage now?!

He got why Wrex wanted it righted, and he respected that he was using his upper hand to get it done, but there wasn't time for this. Not to mention that it just compounded the weight on Shepard's already laden shoulders.

He was sitting in the mess watching Shepard talk to the female krogan, and the crazy salarian doc, Mordin, who had helped her before, with the collector base.

Liara came out of her room and sat beside him at the mess table.

"Hey, Liara."

"James."

He swore she never had more than a ghost of a smile, entirely far too serious.

"Do really think they're gonna be able to cure the genophage?" he asked as they both looked over at the med bay.

"Shepard helped Mordin rescue his former protégé, Maelon, from the Weyrloc clan on Tuchanka a while back. It turned out that Maelon was there by choice to find to a cure. He'd done abhorrent experiments on humans and barren female krogan to get results, before Mordin killed him for it. Shepard told Mordin to save the data, though it didn't sit well with her. That female, Eve, she was one of those Maelon experimented on, and she's now fertile. Mordin can use Maelon's data and Eve's blood to synthesise a cure, and he can use it to save her weakened body too. So yes, I do believe that it will happen."

"Wow," was all James could reply.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Eve's not a very krogan sounding name," he commented.

"Mordin named her. Apparently, she's a shaman, and they give up their names. I should get back to work."

James gestured a goodbye, as she grabbed a plate of something from the kitchen and left, his eyes never leaving Shepard. He thought back to their visit to the Salarian facility.

Wrex had nearly incited the Salarians into killing him right there and then, and James had noted that the krogan had only backed down because of Shepard. Once inside Wrex had continued to taunt his Salarian guards and Shepard had winced as Wrex exacerbated the already tense situation with his comment about Salarian livers tasting best raw, then Garrus had deliberately added his agreement and James had joined Shepard as she'd turned away - the both of them having a hard time containing themselves.

Things had gone bad quickly soon after, thanks to damn Cerberus showing up, intent on killing the last fertile krogan female held at the facility. But even in the chaos, despite the seriousness of the situation, there had been light banter. As an escaped Yahg streamed past them, Shepard had jibed, "Careful, there's goes the next Shadow Broker," to which Garrus replied, "Could've sworn he was muttering 'T'Soni' the whole time." Liara had added "not funny", and Shepard had nearly lost it, shaking with barely contained laughter as she continued leading the way to the checkpoints.

James had loved seeing her like that, and now he watched her through the glass as the krogan female gave her something and shook her hand in friendship. She exited and he rose from his seat as she made her way over.

"Coffee?"

"Thanks." She followed him over to the kitchen area, twiddling the item in her hand.

"What's that?"

"A crystal. Eve gave it to me. She had to go through a special rite to become a shaman. She was buried for days without food or water then had to dig her way out, and this is what she used. Without it she wouldn't have survived. She kept it as a reminder of her struggle, and the struggle of her people to live."

"Wow. And she gave it to you?" He had to admit that it was some gift, given the story behind it. He filled a mug as she nodded, and handed it to her. She passed him the crystal in return and he handled it as though it was priceless. That's when he fully understood. It represented all the hope of the krogan people, and it had been handed to Shepard.

Shepard sipped her coffee and stared at the crystal in his hand as she contemplated the events to come. She _had _to do this to get the turian's support, but more than that she _wanted _to do this. She'd spoken to Wrex and Eve, and she knew they'd try to take the krogan down a different path.

She placed her hand on the crystal in James' palm to take it back, but he placed his other hand on top of hers.

"I think you're doing an amazing thing for the krogan, and you're not alone in this."

A slow smile told him she appreciated his words, and she leaned forward and kissed his cheek before removing her hand with the crystal enclosed.

"I know," she said quietly, then she took her mug and walked to the elevator, leaving James' heart chiming.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James sat opposite Shepard in the krogan tank with Eve, Mordin, and a very edgy Wrex. Garrus and Liara were in the tank behind, Wrex having given strict instructions that the krogan with them were not to touch the turian, or else.

They were heading for a special facility called the Shroud where they were going to insert the cure to the genophage and activate the Shroud to disperse it into the atmosphere of Tuchanka. The scale of what they were about to do was so enormous James felt completely out of his depth, and he looked over at Shepard to see how she was coping.

What he saw was a woman with a troubled mind. A deep frown above her downcast eyes. Should he ask her if she was okay? She might not appreciate him pointing out any weakness in front of the krogan.

"Commander, you seemed troubled." That came from Eve.

Shepard looked back at Eve, and gave a big sigh.

"The dalatrass tried to cut a secret deal with me."

"What kind of deal?" Wrex demanded, immediately suspicious.

"She said they sabotaged the Shroud years ago. The cure won't work unless we fix it." She activated her Omni-tool and played a recording of the dalatrass.

"_Years ago our operatives sabotaged the Shroud facility to ensure what you're planning couldn't be done."_

"And she thought we wouldn't know better?" said Wrex in disgust.

"Correctly. Would likely have fooled tests. But familiar with STG work. Can adjust. Did not come this far for nothing," stated Mordin, clearly unconcerned.

"You just spared our race another genocide, Commander," thanked Eve.

"I told you we could count on her," approved Wrex.

James noted that Shepard hadn't said what she'd lose if she didn't go along with the salarian's plan, but he could guess. He cursed the dalatrass. Shepard was working her ass off trying to unite everyone but there was always an 'only if'.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

Shepard, James, Liara and Garrus were taking cover, about to do something they all thought was crazy.

"Okay. This is it. I'll head for the hammer on the left with James covering me, Garrus you'll be heading for the right hammer with Liara as cover. Any questions?"

"Yeah," piped up James. "How the hell are we supposed to help against a Reaper? I mean, I know it's smaller than some we've seen, but it's still way out of our league."

"Don't try. Just avoid it's beam. I only need you to deal with any abominations it decides to rain down on us."

"Got it," James affirmed, but he had a horrible twisted feeling in his stomach about her going out in front of that thing.

"Ready?" Shepard asked.

They all nodded back, and Shepard and Garrus launched themselves towards their targets.

It started off okay, as they took out the cannibal batarian things that appeared, but then it got bad fast. Four brutes slammed down right in front of Shepard and Garrus. He could hear Shepard shouting at Garrus to keep going, and James and Liara did what they could to hinder the brutes.

Shepard weaved and dived, then James saw the Reaper almost above her as she closed on the hammer. A huge metal leg slammed down right where she was.

"NNNOOOO!" James yelled in shock, freezing. Then the leg lifted and she was still there. She must have jumped back, though he could see she was holding her left arm as she got back on her feet. His body started responding again and he restarted his attacks to keep everything away from her. Then she was at the hammer and setting it off, getting into a defensive position against anything still heading her way.

Garrus wasn't far from his hammer now, and Liara set off a shockwave right behind him as two brutes closed on him. They were propelled off their feet, landing heavily, and Garrus activated his hammer. There was a pause, then the ground began shaking.

James knew he was about to see more than just a glimpse of Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws, this time.

In a bone-shaking eruption Kalros launched itself out of the ground and impacted with the side of the Reaper.

Shepard shouted, "RUN!" as she waved them back the way they'd come.

No one wasted any time as the two giants above them fought. James had never seen anything like it in his life. The Reaper fired it's beam while Kalros attached itself to the metal beast. Then the Reaper swung itself, causing the Maw to hit a nearby structure. Kalros released it's hold and disappeared back into the ground.

James hoped that wasn't it, and looked for Shepard. She was still too close to the Reaper, Garrus coming up to join her and he willed them to hurry. Another eruption and this time the Maw went straight up, before turning itself to attach itself head-first to the top of the Reaper, pushing it down to the ground with it's weight. With the upper-hand, it then curled it's body around the Reaper like a boa constrictor with it's prey, taking it down under the sandy ground. Shepard and Garrus joined them, breathing heavily from their run, looking back at nothing more than red flashes of the dying Reaper.

"WOOOO-HOOOOO!" shouted James, making Liara jump. "YEAH! That's what I'm talking about!"

"You enjoyed that?!" Liara asked incredulously.

"It _was _pretty epic," panted Shepard with a smile.

"Agreed!" managed Garrus, nodding.

That's when James noticed she was still clutching her arm. He gently moved her hand away from her shoulder and saw a huge gash down to the bone, which was clearly dislocated, through the breach in her armour.

"Holy crap, Lola. That's a bitch of an injury."

"Yeah, hurts like it too," she grimaced.

Liara moved in front of her, assessing the wound.

"We need to get the bone back in place before we can seal the wound," she said grimly.

James really didn't want to be there for the next bit, but he went behind Shepard and braced his body against hers as a makeshift wall, his arms going tightly around her waist. In different circumstances he'd be thrilled right now at her closeness, but as it stood he was just dreading the next moment.

Garrus stood at her front and laid his forearm against her chest, his hand on her good shoulder, pushing her tightly against James so she was completely immobile.

Liara lifted Shepard's arm gently and nods all round signified they were ready. A sharp pull, a crunch, a pained yell, followed by a loud pop, echoed through the air as Liara re-set Shepard's shoulder.

Garrus and Liara stepped away, but James held onto her. Her head had fallen back onto his shoulder when she'd yelled and she was still dazed by the blinding pain from a moment ago, her legs temporarily giving way. He wore a severe frown on his face, as he supported her.

He'd be a happy man if he never had to do that again. It wasn't the first time he'd been a part of having to re-locate limbs, but none of them had been Shepard. He could feel her gathering herself, and reluctantly let go, while Liara applied medi-gel to the gash.

"Phew! That's better. Thanks guys," she said, and walked away to the tower like nothing had happened. That made him laugh in astonishment, Garrus joining him. Even Liara was shaking her head as they began to follow her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were all waiting a little way out from the tower while Mordin prepared the cure. The Shroud was in bad shape, and explosions rocked it, causing rubble to rain down. Shepard had gone in to see how he was doing. James still couldn't believe this was really about to happen.

He looked over as Shepard exited the tower, and he noticed how pale she was. He began to run towards her in concern.

"Lola?"

She shook her head for a moment, seemingly trying to gather herself, as they retreated from the Shroud.

"Mordin had to go up to counteract the sabotage," she said quietly.

James faltered, looking over his shoulder at the top of the tower, which was where the worst of the blasts were coming from. That wasn't good.

They stopped beside Garrus and Liara, and they all watched and waited, Shepard pressed close to his side.

The Shroud released the cure, accompanied by a larger explosion from where Mordin would have been, and James felt Shepard flinch. He turned his head to look at her, saw the grief pass over her face, and he placed his hand over hers, which she gripped tightly. Glowing flakes rained across the sky and slowly floated to the ground all around them. Shepard raised her free hand to catch one and they watched as it melted away.

Wrex and Eve pulled up in the tank and were facing up in emotional awe. This was their salvation they were witnessing.

Then Shepard pulled away and climbed into the tank, the others gradually following her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Back within the krogan meeting grounds, Wrex and Eve stood before Shepard.

"A long time ago my father betrayed me in this place. His own son. He tried to kill me. So I had to kill him. Right over there." Wrex pointed to another area. "That's what the genophage reduced us to. Animals. But you changed that today, Shepard."

"Now we'll fight _for _our children, not against them. It's just a pity Mordin had to die," acknowledged Eve with sincerity.

Shepard turned to look out at the Shroud in the distance.

"He wouldn't have had it any other way. And I'm sure wherever he is… he's putting in a good word for us."

"We'll name one of the kids after him….maybe a girl," Wrex added with a laugh. James decided he liked the krogan.

"But you, Commander…We can thank _you _in person," said Eve.

"Tell the turians I'll be deploying troops to Palaven immediately. And when you're ready to kick the Reapers off Earth, you let me know. The krogan are back in business," assured Wrex, punching his fists together to emphasise it.

Thank God, thought James.

"Goodbye, Commander. Thank you for all that you've done. And know that Urdnot _Bakara _calls you a friend." Eve, or rather Bakara, bowed her head at Shepard in respect.

Shepard gave Bakara a small smile and turned to leave.

"Wait!" called Wrex and he moved up close. "I want you to know that no matter what happens…You've been a champion to the krogan people, a friend of Clan Urdnot,…and a _sister _to me." He pulled her into a clumsy hug, then released her enough to place his hands on her arms. "To every krogan born after this day, the name 'Shepard' will mean 'HERO'!" With that announcement, he slapped his hands where he'd placed them, in a friendly pat, and James winced along with Shepard as she tried to smile through the pain from her previously dislocated shoulder. Extricating herself with a return thump on Wrex's arm, they left Tuchanka.

In the shuttle, James started laughing quietly.

Shepard looked over at him in question, his chuckling infecting her, making her smile back with confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"You, having a krogan brother. Somehow you fit right in! Hey, you'll probably be an aunt soon! Good luck with babysitting!" He really laughed then.

Shepard just narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Lieutenant," but she had to admit she really liked the sound of his laughter.

Then Garrus chirped up.

"That's not Shepard's only link to the krogan. Grunt, that krogan we helped out with the rachni? Shepard birthed him."

James spluttered. "What!?" He stared at her, slack-jawed.

"Very funny, Garrus," injected Shepard, with a glare.

Garrus was immune and just sat back, mightily pleased with himself.

Shepard returned James' stare.

"It's not what you're imagining, Vega, so stop looking at me like that."

He blinked, his mouth closing.

"He was created in a tank by a krogan warlord, to be the perfect krogan. We rescued the tank and I released him from it so he could help against the collectors."

James continued to stare at her for a second, then he started roaring with laughter.

"So it's true!" he managed to gasp, Garrus joining him in laughter.

Shepard couldn't keep a straight face as the two practically fell against each other, they were laughing so hard.

Liara shook her head in bewilderment, drawing Shepard's attention. A mischievous feeling sprang to the surface.

"Well, I'm not the only one with krogan ties. Huh, Liara?" she smirked at the suddenly still asari.

"Shepard-" Liara began to warn her, but she carried on.

"Liara's actually a quarter krogan. What would it be? Your grandfather on your father's side, right?"

The laughing pair were now a trio, as Liara glared back at them.

"Thank you for that, Shepard," she snapped, her arms crossing, ignoring the laughing crescendo with a sigh.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

James had a whole lot of emotions swirling through him when he thought about Shepard. He was damn proud, that was for sure. She'd just done the impossible by saving the krogan, and now had not only krogan support, but also turian support. But he was also worried about her state of mind. She'd paid a high price for her accomplishment.

He went to look for her, and found her in front of the ship's memorial wall, staring at the recently added name.

"Hey, Lola," he spoke gently, standing close enough that their arms touched. He was sure he felt her press closer.

"Hey, James."

"I'm sorry about Mordin."

"Yeah, he was a good friend. Completely crazy, but I liked that. Did you know that he sang Gilbert & Sullivan?" She looked over at him then with a smile, as she remembered it.

"No way!"

"It's true!" she said, delightedly. "He just broke out in song one time, all the words changed to accommodate him being a 'scientist salarian'. I was so shocked, that when he finished, I just stood there with my mouth hanging open for a few minutes. He eventually gave a little cough, and I managed to say, 'I have to go', before I left the room. I have no idea how I managed to stop myself from laughing for so long, but as soon as the doors closed behind me, that was it. My yeoman actually came to see if I was alright, I was so hysterical!" She laughed just thinking about it.

James soaked up her radiant face, and laughed along with her. Then he saw the tiredness descend again, and she sighed.

"The dalatrass was livid. We'll get no salarian support. She's adamant that I've doomed the entire galaxy to the krogan, and that the salarians will be the first on the krogan's kill list."

"You did the right thing, Lola."

She nodded. "I know. With Wrex and Ev- _Bakara, _leading the way, I believe they _can _take the krogan in a different direction. It feels good to know I've helped to give them a future -" and she trailed off.

"But…?" prompted James.

"But…I can't help but think about how differently it could have all gone."

"You considered the Dalatrass' offer?" James asked, not believing for a minute that she had.

"Not for a second," she said promptly, and he smiled. "But did you know that while we were hunting Saren we came across a lab he'd set up on Virmire, to cure the genophage? He was creating a krogan army to use as tools. We had to destroy it, no question, but Wrex didn't see it that way."

"I bet he didn't. That's one determined krogan."

"Yeah," she huffed a laugh. "He drew his weapon on me, demanded I explain myself. I obviously made my case well enough, and we were already good friends by that point, which no doubt helped, and he yielded. But it could so easily have gone bad. Ashley-" she pointed to another name on the wall, "-she had been behind Wrex, ready to pull the trigger and take him out. I lost her later that day….But my point was, if Wrex hadn't seen sense, if he had died that day, it would have been another krogan in his place. Maybe someone like that brother of his, Wreav, someone seeking revenge over the genophage….and I _would _have taken the Dalatrass' offer." She looked sickened by the thought.

"And _that _would have been the right choice too," assured James, confidently.

Shepard looked up at him then. Her face seemed so close, and he desperately wanted to kiss her, but now wasn't the time, and he feared it never would be.

Shepard was astounded at the way the man beside her could say just the right words. He made her feel stronger, more confident, because she knew he believed in her and the choices she made. She realised she wanted nothing more than to step into his strong arms, but she was scared about opening her heart to someone again, not to mention her confused feelings for Kaidan.

She was getting a headache thinking about it, and she couldn't afford to be distracted like that. Too much was riding on her. So she reluctantly stepped away from James' warmth, and quietly thanking him, returned to work.


	10. Chapter 10

They hurtled onto the roof of the other elevator.

Things on the Citadel were majorly messed up, decided James.

Shepard had mentioned the Salarian councillor's concern over Udina, and with Bailey's confirmation that they'd been attacked from within as well, it pointed to some unpleasant truths.

James saw the strain on Shepard's face. She would be worried about her drell friend. She had obviously hesitated about leaving him injured, but she also knew the council were important in getting the races working together against the Reapers, so she'd kept going, leaving him with Liara and Edi. James hoped he'd pull through, for Shepard's sake. The drell, Thane, had been protecting the Salarian councillor who was able to show them proof of Udina's involvement with Cerberus, to kill the other councillors and take over the Citadel.

Bailey announced over the comm that the elevator containing the other councillors was coming up and they leapt across, only to have to dodge the bullets fired up from beneath. It seemed they weren't completely defenceless. Unfortunately, they were shooting at the good guys.

The elevator came to a stop and they could hear the inhabitants running out. Shepard led the way through the hatch into the elevator and they came through the doors at the end of the corridor to find the councillors being protected by Alenko.

James remembered Shepard telling him that the Major was now a Spectre. So he was the one shooting at them - somewhat ironic, he thought bitterly. He hit the door panel to lock the doors behind them, to prevent Cerberus from having an easy entrance, and they trained their guns on Udina.

Alenko was surprised, as he recognised her.

"Shepard, what's going on?!"

"Shepard's blocking our escape. She's with Cerberus." Udina was trying to shift suspicion onto Shepard.

"Just… hang on," said Kaidan, as he moved in front of Udina and raised his gun at Shepard.

What the hell?! James and Garrus immediately aimed at Alenko, while Shepard's gun hand shook a little at the shock of being threatened by him. The urge James had to finish the man off then for causing her pain, was overwhelming. Bastard.

"I've got this," Alenko spoke solemnly. "Everyone calm down."

Shepard lowered her gun but James sure as hell wasn't going to trust Alenko by doing the same, and Garrus didn't either.

"I can explain this, Kaidan."

"Come on, Shepard. Gun drawn on a councillor?" He shook his head sadly. "Kinda looks bad."

In response Shepard indicated to the two of them to lower their weapons too, and James reluctantly complied, but he was coiled, ready to spring into action if Alenko didn't grow a brain.

"We don't have time to negotiate. You've been fooled. All of you. Udina's behind this attack. The Salarian councillor confirmed it." Shepard rushed out the situation.

"Please," drawled Udina in contempt, "You have no proof. You never do."

Shepard was getting angry.

"There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they'll kill you all!"

There was a pause. Udina glared at Shepard.

"We've mistrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us," spoke up the asari councillor.

"We don't have time to debate this," Udina quickly said, turning to a console. "We're dead if we stay out here. I'm over-riding the lock."

James was incensed that the Major still had his gun on Shepard, and as Udina moved she raised her gun to him, trying to move around Alenko to get a clear shot, but the Major kept moving in front of her. James trained his own gun back on Alenko.

"I better not regret this," Alenko said suddenly, as he turned to Udina.

Shepard's whole body relaxed as she lowered her gun.

"You won't," she assured him.

Alenko raised his gun at Udina.

"Step away from the console."

"To hell with this."

Udina continued pushing buttons, and they could hear the lock beginning to unravel.

The asari councillor walked over to stop Udina but he shoved her away and drew a gun on her.

"He's got a gun!" shouted Alenko, somewhat needlessly, thought James, then Alenko took the shot, bringing Udina down.

"Get the council back and cover that door," ordered Shepard as she walked towards the councillors.

"The door!" shouted the turian councilllor.

They turned to see the doors being cut open. Guns poised at the doors, they opened to reveal Bailey and his officers.

"Bailey!" exclaimed Shepard with a little confusion.

"Made it as fast as we could, Shepard. Looks like you, ah, took care of things," Bailey stated, looking at Udina's body.

"Something's not right," injected the asari councillor. "You said Cerberus was targeting us. Where did their soldiers go?"

"Cerberus was right here, but they beat feet into the keeper tunnels when they figured out we were coming. Sorry, councillor, I'll say it plain. Shepard just saved the lot of ya."

James pointedly looked over to Alenko, who was staring at the ground. Damn right you should be ashamed, pendejo.

The turian councillor moved to Shepard.

"Then you've saved my life twice now Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt and one on behalf Palaven."

"You don't owe me anything, councillor. At times like this, we all stand together."

There it was, thought James. Her help never came with conditions, unlike those who she needed help _from_.

James glared at the Major. If that wasn't enough to convince him then the man was a bigger a-hole than he thought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard had ordered them all to take a few hours shore leave while they refuelled and restocked, so he'd headed over to the holding bay where he'd heard about a decent poker game.

An hour in and he'd gotten up to stretch out his limbs when he'd spotted Cortez at the bay's memorial wall.

Oh man. This could only be a good sign. The guy was moving on. Except he was just frozen to the spot, staring at the recording of his husband's last words, in his hand.

James knew he needed a gentle push and moved forward, but he stopped when he saw Shepard join Cortez.

They talked, and then Cortez was walking towards the wall, placing the recording amongst the various pictures and mementos. He wasn't moving away though, and James watched Shepard close in and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was all Cortez needed and he turned to her, talking some more. Eventually she seemed satisfied to leave Cortez alone, and she spotted James staring. She smiled as she made her way over, but it was tinged with sadness.

"The drell?" he asked, fearing the answer.

She didn't need to say anything. It was written across her beautiful face.

"Ah, shit. Sorry Lola."

She just shrugged.

"At least I got to say goodbye. So what's the damage?"

"Huh?" James was lost.

She nodded in the direction of the poker table.

"What makes you think I was playing?" he crossed his arms, pretending to be offended.

She just crossed her own arms in response and gave him a knowing look.

He laughed.

"Okay. Okay. You know me."

He suddenly felt the need to check the time on his omni.

"Oh, looks like shore-leave is nearly over. Come on. Let's head back."

They walked to the elevator in silence.

She leaned against the back wall, her arms crossing again as the doors closed.

"Don't think I didn't notice you failed to answer my question," she said with a slight tug at the corner of her mouth.

James just sighed, his shoulders slumping.

"It was bad wasn't i-"

"-Yes," James interrupted bluntly.

Then she snickered, and so did he.

She stood straight to pat his shoulder in mocking support, then threaded her arm through his and rested her head tiredly against his shoulder. He liked that, and was able to briefly rest his own head on hers before the doors opened, and they moved out towards the Normandy's airlock.

"Damn batarians are hard to read. Must be all that extra skin," James moaned light-heartedly.

She was really laughing now, and it was like music to his ears. She had a great laugh. He escorted her to the Normandy's airlock, her arm still tucked through his. As the airlock opened they both froze, the laughter dying on her lips.

Alenko was standing inside, clearly waiting for Shepard, and his eyes immediately fixed on their interlocked arms. Shepard withdrew, and James glowered at the Major.

"I'll see you inside, Lola," and he carried on into the ship, cursing loudly - in his head.

James hadn't gone far, choosing to hang with Joker and Edi as they went through their pre-flight checks. His mind was stuck on Shepard and Alenko.

What did the man want? Obviously he was going to apologise, but would she accept? Of course she would, she was Shepard, forgiving to the last.

James' heart sank. Would Alenko try to rekindle their relationship? Of course he would, why wouldn't he? She was perfection. He hated the thought of it, then he hated himself. She deserved to be happy, and if she needed Alenko, if the Major made her happy, then he should support that.

No matter how much it hurt.

"Ah… there a reason you're breathing down my neck, Vega?" inquired Joker, with a little irritation.

James came back to reality to find himself resting his forearms on the back of the pilot's seat. He righted himself, and Joker turned to him expecting an answer.

"Alenko's talking with Shepard," he gestured, with his thumb over his shoulder, towards the airlock.

Joker's eyes widened, and he spun back to his console to bring up a screen, then he threw up his hands in frustration.

"Dammnit! You couldn't have said five minutes ago? It's over now," he groused at James.

The airlock opened and she walked through, her mind elsewhere, heading towards the cockpit, where Joker was now deftly flicking off the screen. When she looked up she seemed surprised to see James there, then recovered and looked past him to Joker.

"We're delaying for thirty minutes. Major Alenko will be rejoining us."

"Oh joy," murmured Joker, as James' jaw went slack.

Shepard glanced at James, then started heading for the CIC. James jump-started, following her, anger rising.

"Are you serious?! He pointed his gun at you! You really want someone like that at your back?! Someone questioning every move you make?!"

She swung round at him so suddenly, he nearly walked into her, and she had to raise her hands to his chest to stop him. His breathing was heavy as he looked down at her, and she swallowed and took a step back.

"I understand your concern, but Kai- Major Alenko has apologised, and he's offered us his assistance," she spoke calmly and quietly, and it made him madder.

"That's it?! An 'I'm sorry' and he's back?!" He knew he was pushing it.

"Lieutenant Vega! That's enough!" She was glowering at him.

Shit. She'd gone back to titles. What the hell was he doing? Hadn't he just been telling himself he would be happy for her? Except that was before he knew the Major would be right there under his nose, rubbing it in. Ugh! He inwardly slated himself for speaking before he engaged his brain again. This wasn't helping her.

"I'm sorry, Lola," he spoke to the ground in a murmur, then huffed to himself at the irony of what he'd just said. He felt her hand on his shoulder, forgiving him.

"Major Alenko is an outstanding soldier, not to mention a Spectre, and we need his skills, James. That's why I agreed to his request to rejoin us."

James believed her, of course he did, and he nodded.

Satisfied, she walked over to a terminal and he moved to the elevator.

Then he remembered something he'd meant to give her.

"Oh, hey, I nearly forgot."

He opened the side pocket on his trouser leg and carefully removed the item he'd appropriated before his poker game.

"Here. To replace the one left on Earth."

Shepard stared at the proffered blue flower. Identical to the last one, and knowing he knew the significance, it touched her far deeper. Her fingers closed round it.

"How…?"

"Sorry, no flower-selling lady, this time. As a matter of fact it's kinda stolen goods…. I pinched it from a garden on one of the wards. So, you know, don't go waving it around or anything unless you want to see your Lieutenant being led away by C-Sec officers for crimes against foliage."

She gave a bewildered laugh.

"Your secret's safe. Thank you, James."

He nodded and headed back to the elevator. As the doors closed, he let his head fall back against the wall.

….Seeing them together was going to be hard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

The last thing James had wanted was for the Major to come over to talk to him, but there he was.

James just nodded at him in acknowledgement and continued cleaning his shotgun.

"So…How are you finding it - serving under Commander Shepard?" asked Alenko.

"She's the best I've ever worked with. She's everything they say and more," he answered, shortly.

"Yeah. She's something, all right."

His tone was appraising, which actually struck a nerve. James really didn't like Alenko calling her 'something' either, especially given the Major's previous crap on Mars, but he reminded himself that it was just a phrase.

"You and her seem pretty close."

James almost laughed at Alenko's obvious fishing trip. Was the Major feeling threatened?

"Well, I _was _her personal bodyguard for the six months she was incarcerated. With no visitors allowed - outside of the Alliance - it meant other than Anderson and Hackett, I was the only friend she had to talk to."

He wasn't about to make out there was more between them than there was, no matter how much he wanted there to be, but James _had _made it clear that as Alliance, Alenko could have checked in with her, and he watched as the Major failed to conceal his shame and regret.

James didn't understand why Alenko had let her down. How could he ever believe that woman would willingly join Cerberus without a reason? How could he just leave her there on Earth, in arms reach, and not try to make some kind of contact with her? It was obvious the man was in love with her, despite his previous misplaced distrust.

"I'm glad you were there for her, Lieutenant. She needed a friend. Thanks."

James frowned at him.

"I did it for _her_. She deserved better. She _still _deserves better." He glared right at Alenko, wanting the man to get his double meaning. The man wasn't good enough for her.

Alenko cleared his throat.

"Yeah, you're right. Anyway, I should get back to work." Alenko raised a hand in farewell and left the cargo bay.

James had cleaned the barrel of his gun within an inch of it's life and he placed it back on the bench. He felt wound up, and dejected all at the same time, and he placed his hands on the bench and hung his head, going over the recent conversation. He needed to know what happened between them, but he couldn't ask Shepard.

Joker. He pushed off from the bench and headed for the cockpit.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Garrus was standing next to Joker's chair as they traded jokes. James figured both of them would be able to give him the answers he needed, so he didn't retreat.

"Hey, Vega. Come to see if you can outdo my jokes? Seeing as how you failed to win our battle of amazing deeds…" Garrus aimed at him, with a teasing challenge.

Any other time, James would have stepped up to that, but he had a focus.

"From what I've just heard, Joker's got that covered," James quipped, much to Joker's delight.

Garrus just gave him a light-hearted scowl in response.

"Look, I was wondering if you guys could help me understand something."

"Ah, 'something' has a pretty broad scope. Can you whittle it down a bit?" injected Joker in amusement.

Garrus caught the serious look on James' face.

"What's the problem, Vega?"

James paused, not sure how to broach it, then decided to speak bluntly.

"I want to know what happened between Shepard and Alenko… you know, before the Reapers, I mean."

He was met with silence as Joker and Garrus looked at each other, before turning back to him.

"They fell in love while we were hunting down Saren. Everyone could see it, but it took them a while to act on it - Alliance regulations apparently," Garrus shrugged.

"Yeah, but they came to their senses just before Ilos. Man, they were really happy. Took shore leave together, after we saved the Citadel. That was a good time!" Joker reminisced his own shore leave with a smile. "Brass only gave us a week though, bastards," he moaned.

"A month later the Normandy was attacked and Shepard went down with the ship," Garrus added, quietly. His head hung low at the memory, and Joker had turned his head away, completely silent now.

"Alenko didn't handle it well. He went completely off the rails…. Blamed himself for following her orders to evacuate everyone and leave the ship, while she…." he paused, a quick glance to Joker.

"You can say it," responded Joker sadly. "She stayed to get _my _sorry ass to leave the ship, because I refused to when Alenko told me."

James could see the guilt radiate from Joker, and he understood why the pilot was so protective of Shepard.

Garrus continued.

"He was broken for quite a while. Anderson pulled him up, got him working again. Which he threw himself into. It's the reason he's stormed up the ranks in the last, what - two…three years?" Garrus shook his head, unable to comprehend the stretch of time that had passed.

"Yeah, that's a time I never want to go back to," murmured Joker. "But Cerberus saved her, somehow. I mean, she must have been in a bad state. How she survived at all I'll never understand, and it took them two years to get her fully functional, not to mention billions of credits. But they did it!" he was grinning now, Garrus and James joining him.

"I'll never forget that moment on Omega when I was so sure I was living my last minutes, I was so exhausted. Then there she was, like out of a dream. A different team behind her, but it was her. Shepard. She pulled me out of there. Saved my life for sure." He shook his head in wonder.

"And Alenko?" prompted James, getting them back to his question.

"Horizon," stated Joker, a disgusted look on his face.

"Horizon," agreed Garrus. "The Illusive Man had informed Shepard that they knew which colony the Collectors were attacking next, and that Kaidan was stationed there for reasons unknown. Those of us who knew her, could see how frantic she was underneath the calm veneer. It was a hard fight, but we managed to get the colony's heavy missile turrets working and the collector ship left. We saved half the colony that day."

"And Kaidan was amongst them," added Joker.

"Uh huh. He emerged out of nowhere. Even though she had her back to me, I could tell she was relieved, happy, holding herself in check when all she really wanted to do was run to him." Garrus shook his head, sadly, as he paused.

"He was understandably shocked, confused. Then he got angry. Demanded she explain where she'd been for two years, why she left him thinking she was dead. She tried to tell him she was unconscious the whole time, that Cerberus had saved her, but as soon as he heard 'Cerberus' he wouldn't listen…..

He called her a traitor to the Alliance….accused her of betraying _him_. Then he turned his back on her and walked away."

James was raging inside at the thought of how much she would have been hurt by that man's rejection, and all because he couldn't see past Cerberus, just like on Mars.

"But you have to understand who Kaidan is," continued Garrus. "He's loyal to a fault, an Alliance soldier to the bone, and you have to admit it's a hard notion to wrap your head around - Shepard surviving being spaced, then turning up out of the blue after two years, with a terrorist organisation," he shook his head in wonder.

"Yeah, well, _you _had more reason not to believe she was really her," challenged Joker, to Garrus. "I mean, Cerberus is all 'humanity first', yet you still joined the most notorious anti-alien group to stand by her side."

"Well now, I couldn't take any chances, could I? I'd never forgive myself if I'd walked away from her and I'd found out she was telling the truth - which she was. Besides, her saving my hide from certain death told me all I needed to know. She was Shepard, all right."

"Kaidan broke her that day, on Horizon," said Joker sadly. "I mean she hid it, but we could tell." He indicated to Garrus and himself.

Garrus nodded solemnly.

"She was already struggling to understand what Cerberus had done to her, the strain of everything changing in a blink of her eye, but after Kaidan turned on her she lost her self-worth completely. She saw something unnatural when she looked in the mirror, a tool created to do a job."

James gritted his teeth, his fists clenched, and his heart hurt for her. He remembered what Kaidan had said on Mars when he'd compared her to the Cerberus trooper, then that Cerberus boss calling her a tool no longer needed. Bastards.

"It was like she was on auto-pilot," grimaced Joker. "Thanks to us, though, we brought her back!" he announced.

Garrus clapped his hand on the back of Joker's chair instead of on his shoulder.

"Damn straight! Despite her sadness, she still looked after her crew, garnered their respect, their loyalty, by going out of her way to sort out our problems, and one by one they all helped her believe in herself again. Of course, her oldest friends had the most impact," stated Garrus proudly.

James had already seen how Shepard had helped Cortez, knew how Steve would walk through hell for her. How he would himself.

"You know Kaidan sent her a message a short time after. Kind of apologising and kind of saying the same things again but in a nicer way," Joker said in a sarcastic manner. "Even told her he'd moved on, had someone else - bastard. Oh, but he did say it wasn't serious and that maybe, you know…basically left her hanging in relationship limbo. Creep," added Joker, bitterly.

"I didn't know about that," frowned Garrus.

"She never replied," smiled Joker.

"Good," Garrus approved. Clearly, the turian was just as disgusted with the Major despite his earlier attempt to explain Alenko's character.

"It's still there though, isn't it? I mean, she has her fire back, her fight, but deep down she's scarred,"

finished Joker.

"Think he can fix her? Mend things between them?" queried James, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"Kaidan? No way," Joker said bluntly.

James gave him a look of surprise at such a sure statement.

Garrus agreed.

"She's not the same around him, that's for sure. Could she be hiding it? Maybe. She has to be confused. You don't just shut off feelings, but he's tainted them for her."

"Maybe someone else can, though," Joker smirked at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

James was too lost in thought to respond, and slowly made his way out of the cockpit. Alenko was clearly trying to make amends, wanted to resume what they had, but would she want Alenko back after he treated her like that? James sighed. He had no idea. And he had no right to interfere in Shepard's relationship. He had to stand back and let her work it out, and be there for her, no matter what.


	11. Chapter 11

James paced the floor of the CIC in anger.

That bastard Admiral nearly got them killed. He really wanted to give him a piece of his mind. The moment Shepard had fallen down the walkway as it gave way under the attack, and soon after, floating off in the zero-gravity, had seriously scared him. The friendly geth, Legion, had grabbed him and the quarian, but Shepard had been too far from his reach and only just managed to grab a hold. As she'd climbed into the geth fighter's cargo hold he could see her pale face even through her visor, her eyes haunted.

He imagined her reliving the moment she was dying in space. She had enough shit going on without being reminded of _that _up close and personal.

Then he saw two of the quarian admirals making their way through the ship towards the CIC.

"Your unilateral strike endangered us all! I should charge you with treason," came the voice of Admiral Raan.

"I was within my authority as admiral of the Heavy Fleet!" defended Gerrel.

James practically growled.

Just then Shepard emerged from her talk with Hackett, Tali at her side.

"And what of Shepard? And Tali'Zorah?" argued a disgusted Raan.

The two admirals were now slowing as they neared Shepard.

James crossed his arms, hoping Shepard would ream him out, though personally he'd like nothing more than to punch the bastard.

"They escaped unharmed! Shepard, the mission parameters changed. You're military. You understand that."

James watched her anger manifest in her closed fist.

"I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw safely!" Shepard said sharply.

"The-" was all Gerrel could say before Shepard punched him right in the stomach. James couldn't help his mouth falling open. She actually punched the quarian admiral! Then he came to his senses and inwardly cheered, whilst outwardly smiling in pride. Go Lola!

"Admiral, you jeopardized your mission and your people! Get the hell of my ship!" Shepard shouted the last part loud and clear. James had never seen her so angry, and damn she was sexy!

Gerrel, sensibly, just straightened gingerly and left. As he hobbled through the airlock, James smirked as he saw Joker in the cockpit doing a fist pump of joy.

"Shepard, I understand you're angry-" Raan tried to placate Shepard.

"If I didn't need your fleet…" Shepard warned.

Then she stalked over to the elevator where James was now standing. He went in with her and once the doors had closed she 'RRAAHHH'd' in an outpouring of tension. James just grinned at her.

"Better?"

She took a deep breath.

"Much," but then her shoulders slumped, and her eyes fell down to the ground. He noted how tired she looked too.

"Hey," James said softly, moving in front of her and placing his hands on her arms. "Talk to me."

"We don't need this, James. We _need _the Quarian fleet, not another war to deal with," she sighed.

Before James could open his mouth the doors opened at crew deck and Alenko paused in the entrance. James let his arms drop and decided to exit there.

"I'll catch you later, Lola," and he groused internally about the damn Major turning up every time he had her alone….then he admonished himself for being selfish, and hoped like hell that Alenko was giving her the balm she needed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

James sat beside Alenko and Tali, anxiously watching Shepard running towards the Reaper.

Towards

.

It was insane, but he got why she was doing it, he just hated the fact he was on the sidelines instead of being by her side.

She was fearless as she started aiming the targeting gun at it while it began to turn towards her, it's red beam charging up to fire at her. She waited until the last second before she dived, and they all let out breaths as she regained her footing and targeted again. The ships above had a target and fired, and though it damaged the Reaper, it wasn't enough, so she started again. The scarier thing was that the Reaper was closing in on her too. It was nearly on top of her now, and she'd have less time to target, but she kept at it, dive, up, target. His nerves were in tatters until another air strike took it down, and it stayed that way.

"WWOOOO-HOOO!" James yelled, and this time he was joined by Tali, Alenko grinning. He sat back as his adrenaline leached away, trying to catch his breath, while Tali jumped out to join Shepard.

James stumbled to his feet behind Alenko and Legion and they met up with Shepard on a ledge overlooking the Reaper.

The damn thing was talking to her. The usual spiel about their fight being futile and how the Reapers were their salvation. Then it died away. Legion was busy doing something techy and James heard that bastard Admiral, calling for a strike against the weakened Geth. Legion was begging Shepard to help them, and he wondered what the hell the robot was expecting her to do.

Shepard looked stricken. She was being made to choose between the Geth and the Quarians.

James watched as she battled within herself. He looked over at Alenko, surely he'd help her out - support her somehow, because he was a Spectre too right? He could help with the big decisions like this, but it was clear from the man's face he was at a loss. James cursed to himself. She wouldn't survive this guilt, and he moved to give her his opinion, so she could share the burden.

When push came to shove, no matter how unfair the Geth had been treated, they weren't organic. Sure, they'd come far, much like Edi, reaching something akin to real life, but they were still machines. In theory they could be rebuilt.

Standing in front of her now, she looked up at him and he saw a determined look steel her face.

"No. Nobody else dies today. Legion, keep going." Her voice was strong.

"Shepard?" Tali questioned uncertainly.

James was sure she wouldn't doom Tali's people but he didn't understand what she was doing.

Shepard activated her comm.

"All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The Reaper is dead. Stand down."

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority," Tali added in back up.

"_And mine as well_," came Admiral Koris' voice.

Thankfully, Shepard had sent Garrus, Tali and Liara to rescue him when his ship went down, while she, James and Alenko had gone with Legion to bring down the Geth nodes - an uncomfortable few hours of standing in Alenko's company, making small talk, while they watched over Shepard's inert form inside the geth module, while wondering what the hell was happening inside her head - and now the peace-minded Koris was there to support Shepard.

"_Negative! We can win this war now! Keep firing_!" The bastard Admiral Gerrel was still causing trouble.

"Sixty percent," informed Legion as he continued his download that would give all Geth free will.

"The geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking they'll wipe you out," warned Shepard over the comm.

Would she really let that happen? He tried to understand her thinking, as she continued.

"Your entire history is you trying to kill the geth. You forced them to rebel. You forced them to ally with the Reapers."

Now James understood. She would always stand with those who were innocent, no matter who they were, and in this instance they were the geth, but she was sure as hell going to give the quarians a chance to do the right thing.

"Eighty percent," Legion stated.

"The geth don't want to fight you. If you can believe that for just one minute, this war will be over.

You have a choice. Please. Keelah se'lai."

James waited with bated breath, alongside Shepard and the others.

"_All units… hold fire_."

James' jaw fell open at those words coming from Gerrel. She'd done it! He looked at her now and she was the picture of relief, allowing a small smile to light her face, as she turned to Legion.

"Error. Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required."

James had no idea what the meant but he didn't like the sound of it, and he watched Shepard's face fall into a frown.

Legion turned to Shepard.

"Shepard-Comamander. I must go to them. I'm…I'm sorry. It's the only way."

Oh no. James watched the machine suddenly drop and Shepard gasped, her hand reaching out, as it thudded to the ground. She turned away and James wondered how much more this woman could take. Legion may have been a machine, but to Shepard it was more like a child trying to understand the world. Then he wondered why Alenko couldn't see her pain, wasn't offering her solace, or was he so stuck in maintaining an appropriate behaviour on the field that he could just ignore it? Seemed so. So James rested his hand on her shoulder in support, and she absent-mindedly reached up and placed her own on top of his.

"Shepard-Commander."

A geth prime approached and addressed her, and she stepped towards it, looking so hopeful as she spoke.

"Legion?" Then the hope vanished as it corrected her with an apology, and offered assistance to the quarian people.

James still couldn't believe what Shepard had achieved.

Tali was talking to her now,and they sat together looking out at the horizon. Tali thanked her and then removed her mask. James was itching to see, but he refused to intrude on the moment, so he contented himself with memorising Shepard's profile, against the background of the setting sun. Stunning.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James was sitting at the poker table, more happy than he should have been, given the hell that had descended.

The galaxy was finally coming together, Cortez was moving on and was currently enjoying himself up in Purgatory, and - he looked down at the cards in his hand - and he had an unbeatable hand.

Yep, enjoy the good times when you can.

Then he was distracted from the table in front of him by the sight of Shepard passing, her attention on her omni-tool, oblivious to his presence.

He tried to focus on his game but he found his eyes searching for her again, shifting in his seat slightly to get a better view. She was talking to someone in her earpiece as she stood at a terminal.

"Hey, Vega! Make your bet, already!" groused the guy opposite.

James returned his gaze to the table. He really needed to get a grip.

"How about I double it!?" James added his chits to the pile with a flourish. He was rewarded with some winces.

"I'm out," moaned the turian next to him.

"I'll meet ya. So, come on, Vega. Show us what you got," said the guy opposite, as he laid down his cards.

It was a decent hand but James had it in the bag. His smile was huge as went to lay down his winning cards. Then his eyes flitted back to Shepard for a moment, and his heart jumped into his throat.

A batarian had a gun against her head! He couldn't believe his eyes, his cards fell to the floor as he leapt out of his seat and across the table, over the railing.

"HEY!" he shouted angrily, pausing a short distance from the two.

The batarian hardly spared him a glance. Please don't let this be happening! Damn it! He had no gun.

"Stay back, human. This has nothing to do with you," the batarian sneered.

"It has everything to do with me, asshole. She's with me."

James' hands fisted, but he felt completely powerless. He was supposed to protect her, and he'd failed big time.

"It's okay, James," Shepard spoke up, her voice calm.

"Balak, we're the best hope for this galaxy. If you care about your people…" she left the rest to the batarian to work out. James could see the hesitation in his posture.

"….Aagh!" Balak expressed his anger as he reluctantly lowered his gun, hate radiating from him. He turned and walked away from her, passing James with a glare.

"Our ships are yours," he growled over his shoulder.

James felt shaky now the situation had ended. He could have lost her!

"Shit, Lola! You okay?"

Her face was a scowl as she watched Balak walk away. Before she could respond a C-Sec officer ran over.

"Shepard! Are you all right?" the woman asked, her own face pale.

"Fine. You won't have any more trouble with those codes."

So she'd been helping the officer out, James lamented. Did she never stop working?

"Is that…Do you want me to arrest him?"' the officer indicated to the retreating batarian.

Shepard fixed a murderous gaze on Balak's back.

"I want you to put a bullet in his head…but we're all making some sacrifices today. Let him go. Spectre authority."

"Understood, Commander. And thanks." The officer left.

Shepard finally looked at James.

"I'm fine, really, James. Thank you."

She rested her hand on his arm and moved off toward the elevators.

He sighed. Well, he'd just aged ten years.

He looked back to the poker table, the game had moved on in his absence, the other player having taken the winnings the minute James had dumped his cards. He gave another sigh. Looks like he'd also made a sacrifice today.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

He stared at the message for the hundredth time. He still couldn't believe it. He should have been overjoyed, and he _had _felt a touch of pride, but it was tempered by his uncertainty of his own worth. He didn't know if he could do this. He didn't know if he was good enough. He needed advice and there was only one person he wanted to go to for that, but he was loathe to intrude on her time, she was so busy with everything. Then he realised that it was going to drive him crazy if he didn't deal with it, and he quickly typed out his own message and sent it to Shepard before he could change his mind.

Within five minutes she surprised him by inviting him up to her cabin.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

James strolled into her cabin and suddenly felt self-conscious. The last time he'd been in here, she was about to be taken into custody. It felt like a life-time ago.

"Hey man, how's it going?" he then swore at himself in his head. Yeah, real smooth, Vega.

"Good James. You?"

"Good. Good."

He made a show of looking around the cabin so he didn't have to meet her eyes. Hm, deva ju.

"Wow. So this is what I can look forward to when I get my own command." He studied the tank, still full of colourful fish, the now extended ship display, and noticed that the desk, still covered in way too many data pads, was now missing the photo frame. So she hadn't replaced it.

"You want your own ship, James?"

"Yeah. Maybe one day, when I'm old and I can't fight worth shit anymore," he couldn't help jesting with her and he half-laughed as he said it.

She went with it.

"You just come up here to make fun of your Commander?"

Maybe she has his picture by her bed now, he wondered, uncomfortably.

"Sorry, Lola."

He approached her then, and tried to organise his thoughts.

"I guess… maybe I've got some things on my mind. I wanted to get your opinion on something."

"Shoot."

Given what could have happened to her earlier, he didn't find that amusing.

He went on to ask her about N7. Someone had sent a commendation to N7 and he was unsure about taking it. He still had reservations about his ability to command - born from his time on Fehl.

"What went wrong?" Shepard asked him, gently.

"What didn't go wrong." His hand went to his head.

He recounted the mission. His unit was betrayed by a Cerberus agent, within the colony they were protecting, who was working with the collectors. He'd killed the man and destroyed the collector ship, but it had gotten ugly and they lost most of the colonists and all but one of his squad.

She could see his guilt coming off him in waves. She knew what that felt like.

"You can't blame yourself for being put in a tough situation. And if you were promoted, then something must've gone right."

"Sure, but-"

"If you'd saved them all, would things have worked out better?"

"I…" James faltered then. "I don't know. I don't think so." She was right, he thought. If he'd saved the colonists he'd probably still be here with the N7 commendation in his hand, just without the guilt.

"The right choice is usually not the easy one," she said sadly.

"Yeah." They shared that mutual understanding again.

"Did you know that before you joined the N7?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.

"Yeah. That's why I was asked. And it's why they asked you. There's not a single N7 who hasn't sacrificed either themselves or their soldiers, at some point."

"Would you have done the same in my position?"

He didn't know why he'd asked a question he already knew the answer to. She'd do the opposite.

"No. I would have sacrificed the data to save the lives…but then, I've always been more emotionally tied to the situations I find myself in. It's probably what makes you a better soldier than me."

James' eyes widened at her statement, then confusion furrowed his brow.

"That batarian - on the Citadel? He was a terrorist I came across, trying to send an asteroid into Terra Nova."

'Holy shit." James shook his head in disgust.

"I let him walk so I could save the three hostages he had. There's no telling how many lives he's taken since then…. You focused on the bigger picture, the path that would have ultimately led to saving more lives - had things not worked out on the collector base, that data would have been instrumental…. I have more respect for you than you realise, James- being able to take those hard decisions. I've always taken the easier option - easier on my soul, anyway - until I was given no choice with the Alpha relay. I don't know how you did it, but it was the right decision, James."

James quietly contemplated her shocking confession.

"So you think I should accept?"

"Assuming we survive this, that's a no-brainer. You're a damn good soldier, James. Don't waste that opportunity."

"I'll think about it. Seriously. If you don't mind, maybe don't mention this to anyone else."

"Of course not."

"Gracias."

His brain was swimming, with a new-found pride in himself. Shepard had twisted those uncomfortable doubts and guilt, and formed it into something positive. He could believe in himself again - because she had shown him that his decision was born from strength of mind.

Once again conscious of where he was he quickly added, "Well, I think I better get back to the hangar." Then he couldn't resist.

"Things here are just a little too soft for me."

His eyes flicked to the bed and he faltered as he noted a frame beside her bed. She had replaced it.

Shepard grinned at his cheeky comment.

"The bed's a lot harder than it looks."

She couldn't believe she'd just said that. Brain before mouth, Shepard.

James almost lost it at her slip-up, and used it to his advantage, stepping closer to her.

"Are you flirting with me, Lola?"

She just crossed her arms in front of her and gave him a 'the look'.

"I'm going, I'm going," and he held his hands up in surrender. Inwardly, he really was surrendering. She was out of his reach.

"Thanks again, Shepard."

"Anytime."

Shepard watched him walk away and wished he'd seen through her façade.


	12. Chapter 12

This place gave him the creeps.

A monastery for psycho asari who can suck the life out of you? That was just messed up.

The shrieks that echoed round the place wasn't helping his nerves, either.

Interesting that Shepard was friendly with the Justicar though. He'd heard about how strict their code was, how they always worked alone, yet apparently Samara had willingly pledged herself to Shepard's service to help with the collectors. Turns out a couple of the psycho asari were actually Samara's daughters, just to make the whole situation even more surreal. He remembered Shepard telling him about helping Samara catch a third psycho daughter, by practically offering herself up as the asari's next victim. He sighed. Everyone was crazy, and he was probably heading the same way.

They entered the great hall where the last asari commando unit sent to investigate the place, had placed a bomb. Given the evidence that the asari residents were being turned into reaper abominations, it was decided that the bomb needed to go off. Having already found one of the Justicar's daughter's, Falere, they now saw the second, Rila, propped against the bomb. They approached carefully. The young asari didn't look good.

Falere raced to her. Kaidan and Garrus went to check out the bomb.

"Rila! Rila can you hear me?"

Rila stood, looking dazed, then focused on her sister, her face twisting with malice as she grabbed Falere's throat. Shepard and James brought up their guns but Falere shoved Rila away from her, and she fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Why did she do that?" Falere cried.

Her mother approached her.

"Because they have begun to turn her into one of the reapers creatures."

"I'm sorry," added Shepard sincerely, then she turned to Kaidan, who had finished his assessment. "Can we set off that bomb?"

"Not without a detonator."

"Commandos would have had one. We've got to find it."

A shriek from the other end of the hall signalled the arrival of a fully turned asari. A banshee. James really, really hated those things. Distorted, biotic monsters, with fingers like knives. Wonderful.

They assumed positions, as two more joined the first, along with the batarian cannibals, and human husks.

They ignored everything but the banshees, knocking back the husks as they neared. One banshee went down, but the cannibals were creating trouble and had to be dealt with as they pressed forward.

James was suddenly set upon by two husks, and he took one out with a hard punch, aware of the banshee to his right, closing in on him, as he knocked back the second. He tried to draw his weapon up to fire on the banshee but the second husk had leapt back at him and caught his arm. He head-butted the husk, freeing his weapon, but the banshee grabbed him in an impossibly strong biotic hold. It screeched into his face, drawing back it's clawed hand, aiming for his stomach. He was unable to move to defend himself, and he waited for the hit.

In that second, the banshee's head exploded, and James was released. Looking over to the direction of the shot he saw Shepard, gun still pointed at the now dead banshee, as if she expected it to rise again, her face fierce. Then her eyes met his, and he gathered himself and nodded at her in thanks. In his head he was kissing her for saving his ass.

The hall was now silent again.

Rila stood, and they brought up their weapons again, but this time there was only the woman she once was.

"Falere go! Take the elevator!" she beseeched her sister.

"Rila! Wh-what are you doing?"

"It's too late for me. There are hundreds coming. Just go!" She stepped back and produced the bomb's detonator.

They all understood. Rila was going to sacrifice herself in order to stop the abominations and save herself from a worse fate. James respected that. It's what he would do in her place, God forbid.

Falere wasn't about to leave her sister though, and she fought against Shepard who was dragging her back to the elevator. James took the girl off Shepard's hands, his bulk proving a harder weight for Falere to fight.

"NO! Rila!"

"I love you," smiled back Rila.

"Rila!"

It was hard to hear, though Samara seemed disconcertingly unaffected by it all. Shrieking filled the room again and they looked around to see more banshees, their focus on Rila, who appeared to struggle with herself. They were now inside the lift, and Shepard punched the button. James let Falere go as the doors closed, and she banged on them futilely.

The explosion rocked the elevator, and Falere sank her head against the doors. James expected her mother to comfort her, but it was Shepard who placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

The doors opened to reveal the fresh air of outside. They all hung back as Falere slowly exited, and this time Samara followed. They watched as the two talked, Falere angry, Samara frustratingly calm and stoic. Shepard moved forward slightly as they caught some of the exchange.

"Falere…The code demands an Ardat-yakshi cannot live outside a monastery that no longer exists." Samara withdrew her gun, and James stood frozen. She was really going to kill her own daughter because of a code? He noticed the concern on Shepard's face as she continued closer.

"What are you doing?" Shepard demanded.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. By the Justicars code, there is only one way to save Falere."

"Mother, no!" pleaded Falere.

James wasn't prepared for this turn of events. It didn't seem right. How was this saving her? Then he saw Samara raise the gun to her own head. Holy shit!

"My daughters, you were all so much stronger-" Shepard wasted no time in coming up behind Samara and wrenching her hand, and gun, down and away.

James tensed even more, his hand reaching behind him for his gun. Given the justicars reputation for taking out anyone who gets in the way of their code, that may have been a very bad move.

"Let go," warned Samara.

"_What _are you doing?" demanded Shepard again, maintaining her hold.

"Fulfilling the code," replied Samara.

"By throwing your life away?" Shepard asked angrily.

"I will not kill my last daughter," Samara explained fiercely.

"You won't have to," intervened Falere.

"Falere?"

Samara was willing to listen to her daughter, and Shepard released her, and backed away. Falere stated her desire to remain there, to rebuild her home, and Samara agreed that the code permitted it. Falere hugged her mother who awkwardly returned it.

Shepard radioed for a pick-up, and Samara came over to join them.

"It would have turned out very differently, if not for your intervention. Thank you. I want you to know that there is no-one else I'd rather see leading us in our last hours."

"We'll make the galaxy proud," replied Shepard, indicating to them all, and James squared his shoulders in response.

Samara grasped Shepard's hand as they shook.

"Your time is precious. Spend it wisely. And with those who care for you," Samara imparted.

Shepard's eyes flicked in James' direction, and his heart sped up, until he realised that Alenko was standing just behind him. Don't be a pendejo, James, he admonished himself.

"Good luck out there."

"And to you. May the Goddess go with you," finished Samara.

Cortez landed the shuttle, and James was only too happy to leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James sat in front of the batarian tattooist, trying not to think about Shepard and Alenko's 'date'. He wondered what she was wearing for him, then shook his head again, and focused on the needle piercing his skin.

As if his mind had conjured her up into reality, she was there.

She was walking through the holding bay, when she spotted James sitting in front of a batarian with his shirt off.

"James?"

"Commander. What brings you down here?"

He noticed she was in her usual casual wear. No dressing-up for her date? Interesting.

"I was about to ask _you _that…"

"Well, after our little chat- AH!- I made up my mind. I'm gonna join the N7 program."

"And you're celebrating by getting a tattoo?"

"Hah… sort of. See… there's no official channels to go through right now. So I guess this is my way of making it official. Technically I'm just an N7 recruit… but, you know, I figure with you as my training officer, how could I fail? Right?"

"I'm flattered, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm training you."

"Not officially, but what the hell is in this goddamn war? I'm just saying… whether you like it or not, you're my direct superior, and you're N7. So I take my lead from you. And, you know… I'll take whatever advice you've got."

"Really?" Shepard voiced her scepticism.

"Sure. The good advice," he jibed.

That's what she'd expected.

"Well, they wouldn't ask you if they didn't think you could handle it."

"Here's hoping."

"But the real work starts now," she warned.

"Uh huh. I know it seems like I don't take things seriously, but when I commit to something…I _fully _commit."

He seemed to convey a double meaning and Shepard swallowed.

"Clearly," she said, indicating his progressing tattoo.

"Hey. I won't let you down," he said it straight to her eyes.

She knew that.

"The only person you need to prove yourself to, is the one standing in the mirror every morning."

James realised what she was saying. She believed in him. She trusted him. And he already knew that, had for longer than he had realised.

"Good point."

"You know that's going to sting for a few days. You gonna be ready for duty?"

"Always. Hey, maybe we should get matching." That little bit of mischief inside him, surfaced with a grin.

"You want _me _to get an N7 tattoo?" Her eyebrow quirked up in surprise.

"N7...sure. Or you could get my name done…somewhere special." He couldn't help it, he just loved the smile he got when he amused her.

"You are such a tease, James."

She did that hand on hip thing again, and one corner of her mouth turned up. He loved that.

"Who me?" he said innocently.

"You ever gonna make good on all this flirting?" Shepard was going to enjoy the moment she put him on the spot, but she also harboured a small piece of hope that it might push him to acknowledge something more between them than just banter.

Suddenly his face went hot. James' mind went haywire. This was his chance. He wanted to say that he was ready to take things a whole lot further. He wanted to convey his true feelings were far deeper than mere flirtations…. but she had the Major, and he knew he couldn't.

"Uhh…. I was just…I didn't mean to…you know…I was just…"

Shepard laughed lightly as he stumbled.

"That's what I thought. Later, Lieutenant," and she strolled away.

"Later," he managed, watching her disappear.

"AH!" he frowned over his shoulder at the batarian at his back, who was shaking his head.

"I know, I know. But you have no idea how that woman can knock me off balance. I mean, what would _you _have said to that? Now I have time to think about it, I'm sure I can think of a ton of sharp, witty comebacks, but at the time I wasn't expecting her to call me out on it. Aaahghh," he moaned in frustration, "that's gonna keep me awake all night now. Dammnit!"

The batarian just chuckled behind him.

Shepard hit the button to return her to the docking bay, and tried not to acknowledge the heaviness she felt inside her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

"Vega! I need to talk to you." Joker came up behind him as he leant against the counter with a mug of coffee.

"Sure, man."

"Uh, in private."

James was somewhat bemused as to what Joker could need to talk to him about that he couldn't say in public, but he followed the pilot into the empty observation room. He waited for Joker to settle himself in the seat beside him. Did the atmosphere seem a little heavy all of a sudden?

"You like Shepard, right?"

James was completely thrown by that out of-the-blue question, that sounded a lot like something he'd heard in high school.

"Uh, yeah, of course, she's an amazing woman, and a helluva soldier-"

Joker waved his words away in impatience.

"I mean, _really _like Shepard. As in 'I want you to have my babies' kinda like, right?"

James choked on the sip of coffee he'd just taken.

"You don't need to tell me. I can see it plain as day every time you look at her," Joker continued.

James was tongue-tied, which seemed to be happening to him a lot lately.

"Uh…you can tell-?"

"Duh! Whenever you two are in close proximity to each other it's like the heat turns up, and the rest of us have to run for thermal blankets!...Too much?- Well, you get it."

James blinked, trying to get his brain to process this new information, in this very surreal moment.

"But…I mean…it doesn't matter how much I like her. Lo- Shepard's… got Alenko."

"You're kidding, right? Alenko's lost her. When they talk it's like, all business. Even when they're just chatting, there's this 'wall' there. She barely even smiles when she's around him."

"She has a lot on her plate, Joker. It's weighing heavy on her."

"Yeah, I know that, but what I'm saying is that she's not like that with _you_. She's _her _again. She doesn't just smile, she laughs! Laughs! Do you know how fantastic that is?! And it only happens with _you_!"

Joker was looking at him expectantly, and James just stared back, his mind battling his wish to accept everything Joker said as fact.

"She's way outta my league, Joker. How can you be so sure she feels the same way?"

"Figured you'd need proof, so here."

He brought up his Omni-tool, punched a few buttons and James heard Alenko and Shepard talking.

"Whoa!" James raised his hand to stop what he was hearing and Joker paused the recording.

"You can't record a private conversation like that, Joker, turn it off!"

"What!? No way! You need to hear this. Besides, it's hardly private if they're in a public place, is it?" Joker voiced his rather dubious opinion.

"Where were they?" James asked out of curiosity.

"Apollo's," Joker stated bluntly.

James eyebrows must have practically jumped onto his mohawk.

"Wait, you mean you recorded their date!? Joker, you're way out of line. How did you even do that without them noticing?"

"I just got myself a table close to theirs but on the lower veranda where they couldn't see me." Joker actually shrugged as if it was no big deal.

James just shook his head and went to leave.

"They talk about you!" Joker called out, in enticement.

James paused, then reluctantly admitted his curiosity was going to get the better of him, so he sat back down with a sigh, pointedly ignoring the smug look on Joker's face. Then Joker resumed his recording.

_"-The war isn't the only thing keeping me up at night. I wonder about us."_

_"Us?"_

_"I still love you Shepard. I always have. I want to understand what this is between us…and make it real. That's what I want. What do you want?"_

James held his breath as she paused.

_"Do you remember that time you told me about Rahna, that day you tried to protect her and accidentally killed Vyrrnus? You told me how Rahna had looked at you after that, like you were some kind of monster._

_That day on Horizon, you looked at me like I was some kind of abomination created by Cerberus. Then Mars, and on the Citadel with Udina… it took so long for you to see me as **me **and not some 'thing'. I need someone who trusts me without question, who believes in me, and I can't pretend that I can move beyond that 'look' any more._

_I'm sorry Kaidan, but we should just keep this professional."_

James finally breathed and his heart thumped hard in his chest. She'd turned him down.

_"Right….Hhm. Well, not the answer I was hoping for."_

His voice was solemn, and James actually felt a little sorry for the guy. Losing Shepard…

_"Times are…complicated."_

_"Oh, I understand. It's okay….You know, I'm so sorry that I made you feel the way Rahna did me… and I understand…. I'm sorry that I let you down when you needed me most. You deserve better…and you have someone like that… don't you? …Vega."_

James had to admit he was surprised, then winced as he waited for her to deny it_._

_"There's nothing going on. I don't even know if he thinks of me that way, but I enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel normal. All of this, the Reapers, Cerberus, it disappears for a few moments when he talks to me, and I really need that. He's like the eye of the storm - everything calms down when I'm with him…. Uh… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on like that."_

James was floored in a mess of euphoria and shock.

_"No, it's okay. I worry about you… and I'm glad you can find some peace in all this chaos… And there's no doubt that Vega's mad about you. He'd be a fool not to."_

_"I'm not so sure about that, but…thank you, Kaidan."_

James was still stunned. Joker clapped him on the back.

"Told you, man. And if there's something Shepard deserves, it's a bit of happiness, with someone she can rely on not to let her down, and who can help her through the rest of this shit-storm. And I'm hoping that _you're _that someone, Vega."

James looked back at Joker, who was deadly serious now.

"Thanks, Joker," James managed, his voice having difficulty forming around the lump in his throat.

"Yeah, whatever. Just… don't hurt her."

"Never," James promised him, and satisfied, Joker left him to ponder.

He must have sat there for a good twenty minutes.

He went over everything in his head. She had come to see him straight after that. Damn it! After their conversation, he'd pretty much given her the impression he wasn't interested in her. She'd given him a chance to show he wasn't just playing with her, and he'd backed off, like he was about to run a mile. He had to talk to her.

"Edi, has the Commander returned to the ship yet?"

"The Commander is currently entering the outer airlock, Lieutenant."

"Thanks Edi."

He burst from his seat and raced to the elevator. His heart was hammering, but he felt like he could fly he was so psyched. He headed towards the cockpit, knowing she'd only just be exiting decontamination. He heard the airlock hiss open and she swiftly entered the ship.

"Joker, is everyone aboard?"

"All accounted for," he confirmed.

"Good. Get this girl in the air. We're heading for Thessia."

"Aye aye."

"Edi, notify Liara."

"Understood, Commander."

She turned and nearly collided with James.

"James! We've got a lead on something that could help us with the missing piece of the crucible, I need you prepped and ready for a fight."

He followed her towards the elevator, cursing the timing.

"Got it, Commander. I'm guessing this is gonna be bad."

"Thessia's under Reaper attack."

He nodded gravely. The doors closed on them. He was itching to say something. The space between his shoulder blades seemed to flare up in response and he rolled his shoulders to alleviate the irritation caused by the tattoo.

"You good to go?" she inquired, spotting his discomfort.

"Absolutely. Hey, you wanna see?"

The doors slid open at the cargo bay, and she breezed past him.

"Later, Lieutenant."

He shook his head at himself as he headed for his armour. _Get your head in the game, pendejo._


	13. Chapter 13

They were standing in another war zone. Thessia was being hit hard, and it didn't look good.

Shepard had found the hidden prothean artifact in the temple, and James couldn't help feeling more than a little bitter that the asari government had kept it a secret all this time.

They were standing listening to the prothean holo, when Cerberus gate-crashed. That bastard Kai Leng stood there smugly as they were subjected to The Illusive man's waffle, his gaze travelling over Shepard.

James gritted his teeth, until TIM had finished his taunt, then the game was on.

Damn! That bastard was fast, and every time they got his shields down, he would signal his gunship to fire at them until he recharged. James was getting pissed off by it all, and he could tell Shepard was feeling it too, but they kept pressing their attack on Leng until finally it appeared he'd had enough too. Leng signalled once more to the gunship and it fired rockets at the support structures, decimating them, and James' heart leapt into his mouth as he realised that the floor was giving out.

Who in the hell would create a floor over a huge expanse!?

He saw Shepard beginning to fall, unable to catch a hold on anything that wasn't crumbling away, and he went to throw himself at her, to catch her, but he was suddenly stopped in his tracks by a large piece of rubble falling across his leg. He yelled in pain and frustration and fear.

"SHEPARD!" He watched her go over the edge.

"NO!" All he could hear was the loud thumping of his heart. No…..

He felt a numbness descend over him.

He became aware of Leng passing him to pick up the prothean holo they needed so desperately.

_Focus!_

He searched around for his gun. Damnnit! His rifle was too far away, and when he retrieved his shotgun he noticed it was too badly damaged to fire. He swung round to Liara but she was still trying to shake off the blow to her head.

Leng just smirked as he nonchalantly walked by him again and headed out of the temple.

He heard scrabbling and saw Shepard's hands appear at the edge of the collapsed floor and James' body jump-started as he worked desperately to free himself. He could see her hands beginning to lose their grip on the floor. He was frantic now, trying to heave the heavy slab off his leg. Then he was free, getting his good leg up under him enough to fling himself forward, sliding over rubble and grabbing her just as her fingers lost their hold, pulling her up. James collapsed in relief as the adrenaline drained from him. She glanced at him and seeing he wasn't in any danger she immediately ran to the temple entrance after Leng.

It was too late though and he could see her shoulders slump as she stared out at the Reapers.

Liara came over to help him up, and moved to join Shepard. She walked away from Liara's comforting hand on her shoulder though, making her way towards James. Shepard was pale as she quietly checked his leg and applied medi-gel to the gash. Nothing too serious.

"Lola-" he started gently, but she cut him off with a sharp shake of her head, so he didn't push her.

He watched as Shepard turned away, calling for a pick up, and he worried about her. So much had been riding on this, and now they'd lost the only thing that could tell them how to finish the Crucible. He felt awful. Liara was devastated beside him as she watched her own home world fall to the reapers, and Shepard….Shepard was blaming herself for all of it.

She was still silent as they made their way back to the ship.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Shepard was watching the tears stream down Liara's face as they removed their weapons and guns, her own face full of barely disguised guilt and distress. It was hard for James to see, hard for him not to pull her into his arms, but she wouldn't thank him for it right now. He needed to be there for her now, for when she crashed.

He was about to follow her into the elevator, when she spoke over her shoulder to him.

"Help Liara with her armour, then get that leg checked out, Lieutenant." Her voice was subdued.

He hesitated, looking back at Liara who was fumbling with the catches on her armour, her hands shaking. By the time he'd turned back, Shepard was pressing the button on the elevator and disappeared out of sight. Cortez looked at him with shared concern for Shepard.

"You go on, I'll help Liara." Cortez nodded over to the lift.

"Thanks, Esteban."

He waited for the elevator to return, and after checking with Edi on Shepard's location, he made his way up to the war room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Inside he could see her in the communications section, but as he moved closer he noted she wasn't engaged with anyone. Then he saw the flashing light of an incoming signal.

Shepard was propped against a support beam off to one side, her head resting against the cold metal, just staring at the flash, making no move to answer it. Then she suddenly pushed herself up and went over and activated it, bracing herself on the rail that separated her from the holo image of the asari councillor that appeared.

James saw how low Shepard hung her head, how hard her fingers gripped the rail, how tense her back and shoulders were.

Shepard broke the news and the asari was clearly knocked down by it.

"I'm….." Shepard began, but the asari broke the connection and disappeared.

"….sorry," she whispered.

James was about to speak, to offer her comfort, but then she stood tall again, squaring her shoulders.

"Edi, I want everyone in the war room. Now," her voice was like steel.

She twirled and faltered when she saw James there, then recovered.

"James, how's the leg?"

He decided it was probably best not to admit he hadn't followed her orders on getting checked out.

"Fine. I'm good to go." At least in his personal opinion.

She nodded in acceptance.

"Good," she said shortly.

"Lola-"

He was cut off by the entrance of the others as they piled into the war room.

Shepard moved around him and as she passed she placed her hand on his chest, as if she needed to feel he was real. He clamped his hand over hers to keep her there and she gave him a small but sad smile as she pulled away.

Shepard was pacing in barely contained ire, as she addressed them.

James watched her, thinking how beautiful she was in that moment. She'd channelled her distress and guilt into anger against Kai Leng, against The Illusive Man, and she was terrifying. She demanded information and Liara provided it. She and Edi had been able to trace Leng's course.

Sanctuary, on Horizon. Supposedly a safe haven for refugees, but if Cerberus were involved in any way, it didn't bode well.

Satisfied she dismissed them, but James hung back.

"Need something, James?"

"Not me. But you need a drink. Come on."

She hesitated, then gave in, and followed him out of the room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx

At the small ship bar, he expertly made up two cocktails, and she had to laugh at the ridiculously colourful drink as he handed it to her.

"And what is it?"

James shrugged.

"My own special concoction. Haven't named it yet."

She sipped it cautiously and he laughed.

"Well?"

"That's a lovely drink, James. Strong, but sweet, smooth. Hmm. Sounds like you," she teased with a grin.

James just laughed again.

"Actually, I was thinking of naming it after you, _Lola_."

They smiled at each other.

A small look of wonder flashed across her face.

"How do you do that?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"What?"

"Make me forget," she said simply. Her eyes were locked on his.

He shrugged lazily, a little smirk as he said, "Just a gift, I guess."

She rolled her eyes as she smiled.

For the first time since his talk with Joker, he had her to himself. He was going to tell her how he felt. His mouth suddenly went dry, his heart hammered.

"Lola… I want to make good on all my flirting."

It was lame, but it was all his brain could come up with, and he moved around the counter, never breaking eye contact. It conveyed what he needed to say, her eyebrows raising in surprise, her lips parting slightly. He stopped beside her and she swallowed. His fingertips caressed the side of her face, stopping under her chin to gently pull her face closer, and he lowered his head as she raised her own. Their lips were barely an inch apart-

"_Sorry to interrupt, Commander, but we'll be arriving at Horizon in one hour,_" Joker's voice broke into the moment. Was that glee in voice?

They jumped back and both cursed Joker, then laughed.

"Thank you, Joker," she replied, waiting for him to disconnect.

"I should go. I need to prepare for the mission."

She was moving to the door.

"Yeah. I should get back to work," he added reluctantly.

"And get the leg checked out or you're grounded for the next mission," she smirked over her shoulder at him.

He looked abashed at being caught out and gave her a lazy salute to show he'd follow the order.

Before the door opened he caught her hand and she turned, as he moved up close.

"This is 'to be continued', Lola," he promised, loving the way he could make this strong fearless woman on the battlefield, tremble.

"I'll hold you to that," she murmured, and she left. Okay, it was his turn to tremble.


	14. Chapter 14

Sanctuary was a living nightmare. James was horrified at the abuse of trust that Cerberus had lauded over those vulnerable people. It couldn't get lower that that. How could the Illusive Man justify that to himself? Thankfully they'd been in time to help Shepard's friend, Miranda and her sister, and in doing so Miranda was able to give Shepard a tracking device for Leng.

He would lead them right to the Illusive Man's base.

James had a sense that everything was coming to a head now.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

The atmosphere on board was wired, as they waited to reach The Illusive Man's base. Eight hours, which included a last re-fuel at the Citadel but no shore-leave, was going to feel like a life time.

James busied himself in the kitchen, and it didn't take long for Joker to head down to the mess to wait for his food.

Shepard emerged from Garrus' hidey hole and immediately noticed the delicious smell.

"Huevos rancheros?" she guessed, with a hopeful look, more than familiar with his cooking.

James grinned back at her.

"Got it in one, Lola," and she returned his smile, taking a seat opposite Joker.

He couldn't help but notice the slightly strained small talk between the two, remembering what Tali had told him and Garrus, about overhearing them argue over Joker's poorly timed joke after Thessia.

Good food would help.

The reporter, Allers, that Shepard had allowed on board to document their progress to keep up morale back home, appeared in the mess. She headed straight over to him, with this over-exaggerated hip-rolling walk, that she no doubt thought was sexy, but he thought was just plain weird.

"Mmmm. A man who's fit, handsome, strong _and _can cook? Where have you been all my life?"

He was actually horrified when she came around him, her hand running along his back as she went, then began to lean into him, pretending to be interested in the pot on the stove, her barely covered breasts pressing against his arm, as he tried to stir the food.

"Ha. All the wrong places, for sure."

He winced inwardly as he realised how flirty that could have sounded. He meant wrong places as in the dodgy dives he'd frequented in the past. He had absolutely no interest in Allers.

He stretched to the unit opposite the hob to grab some plates, and Allers took advantage of his open position, stepping into his space, her hand resting on his chest and stroking down.

"Well, how about we get you to the _right _place, for dessert?"

James froze. He decided he really didn't like this woman, and that dress wasn't doing her any favours. He cringed when he realised she was exactly the sort he would have tangled with - before he met Shepard, and his world flipped upside down. He didn't dare look over his shoulder at Shepard. Would she be mad?

"Allers! How about you quit making a fool of yourself and sit your ass down. Then maybe you can eat the food instead of my Lieutenant," smirked Shepard, much to Joker's amusement.

James fought the urge to dump the food, sweep Shepard off her feet and take her to bed, right then and there, as Allers moved away, pouting in slight embarrassment.

"I was just making the most of the time we have left before hitting Earth, Commander," Allers said lightly, trying to salvage some pride, as she took a seat on Joker's side of the table.

James dished up, and carried the plates over to the table, taking a seat next to Shepard.

"Sure. Unfortunately, the Lieutenant is taken," informed Shepard.

James really liked that statement. Yes, he _was _taken - and he wouldn't want it any other way.

Allers scoffed.

"Come on, Commander. Surely, you can't begrudge the man a little last minute stress relief, with his girl so far away."

James was enjoying this far too much to interrupt, as Shepard gave Allers a tight smile.

"Except his girl isn't so far away…. and she knows how to use a gun." Shepard delivered it with a light tone, but an intense stare.

James struggled to contain himself, and had to cover his mouth with his hand when he watched Allers eyes widen in alarm as she finally realised what Shepard meant. Joker, however, had no such decorum and burst out laughing, while Allers turned pale as she remembered how she'd laid her hands on him, right in front of Shepard. Then she became very interested in the plate in front of her.

"Mmmm. Delicious, James. As always," Shepard enthused as she savoured every bite. James could never get enough of watching her enjoy his food.

"Ditto that, Vega. Outstanding," agreed Joker, once he'd gotten himself under control. "Always tastes better when you know the cook hasn't had his hands down a toilet."

James paused, his fork in mid-air, mouth open, and completely mystified by that comment.

Shepard laughed. "Agreed!"

Then she explained it to James. "Mess Sergeant Gardner was our last cook, and also our handyman, which included plumbing…"

"Oh, nice," James grimaced, but he was more than happy that the air had thawed between her and Joker now, as they reminisced about the guy's dubious cooking.

Liara came out of her room and, spotting Joker, came over to him.

"Hey, Liara. Come join us!"

"No, thank you, Joker. I have things to get back to."

Shepard frowned at her.

"Liara you really should take a break every now and then."

"I appreciate your concern, Shepard, but I happen to know that I take more breaks than _you _do, and I don't have half as much resting on me."

Shepard looked contrite then, and James hid his grin with another mouthful.

"Joker, you asked for news on the human colony - Tiptree?"

"Oh, hey, Liara, you don't need to worry about that right now."

Joker was just as worried about the asari as Shepard was.

"Now's as good a time as any. I'm getting reports of refugee ships from Tiptree landing on salarian colonies. I don't have names, I'm sorry. It was… mostly children."

Joker suddenly straightened, a brightness flashed across his face.

"Well, Gunny…Uh, Hilary, my sister, Gunny's a nickname, she's had it since….She's only 15, so if it's children….then, maybe I only lost my dad. Kind of an asshole thing to hope for…." Joker stammered his thoughts out.

James became aware of Shepard suddenly freezing, her hand clenching her fork tightly, as she stared at Joker, her face paling.

"Jeff, right now…take any kind of hope you can get," Liara was saying as she turned to go back to her room.

"Thanks…you too," called out Joker over his shoulder.

Shepard looked ill, and James was getting seriously concerned.

"Lola?"

Despite his quiet, softly spoken word, Shepard flinched, but her eyes remained locked on Joker, who was now staring back at her. Realisation seemed to flood Joker.

"You know something, don't you, Shepard?" he murmured.

James looked back at Shepard, his stomach roiling at what might come next.

She seemed unable to find her voice as her mouth opened, and Joker got up and moved around the table to sit in the seat beside her.

"Tell me," he demanded in a low tone.

Shepard took a deep breath, and turned herself to Joker, her back to James.

"A few weeks back…. I was waiting to see Kaidan at the hospital. I was ….looking out of the window, while I was waiting to talk to the doctor, and I…. overheard an asari patient talking to her psychiatrist, behind me.

She had been deployed to Tiptree to help evacuate the colonists. She got to a farm, but had to stay there overnight when the shuttle was called away…. A banshee attacked them, and husks, but she didn't have her gun or radio on her at the time and she ran…. with the young girl that lived there, and they hid, waiting for the shuttle to return. They were there for two days. The asari realised she had to go back to radio for help, and the girl went with her….. The asari said that the girl even killed a few husks with a stick. ….When they reached the farm house they found the place swarming still, a few farmers held prisoner. The girl released the farmers, but they started screaming, indoctrinated, calling attention to the two of them, attacking them. They tried to run back again, but they were blocked, and the girl's leg was broken….. The asari managed to knock down a wall to slow them, and they hid…. The banshee was getting close to their position and ….the asari feared that the girl…. would give them away…. because she was crying from the pain…."

Everything went silent for a moment. Joker stared back at Shepard.

"What happened to the girl?" he asked bleakly.

"The asari survived because she was never found by the banshee." Shepard looked down.

James stayed silent as he watched Joker processing.

"You mean, the asari… killed her?"

Shepard nodded, facing him again.

Joker frowned, his mouth trembling.

"I'm guessing you're not just telling me this without a reason, right? Because, there are probably a lot of farm girls on Tiptree, Shepard!" his voice came louder, slightly manic.

"The asari said the girl's name was Hilary… she was 15.….and she wanted to be a pilot….like her brother," Shepard spoke softly, sadly.

"…I guess this is what I get for making that joke about the asari, huh?" he said bitter laugh.

Joker exhaled, rising to his feet, one hand reaching up to grab his cap, while the other raked though his hair roughly. Then he grasped his cap between both hands, crushing and wrenching it, as his eyes looked everywhere but at them. His mouth moved, but no sound emerged, and Shepard rose to place her hands on his. He jolted, looking down where she touched him, his hands stilling under the gentle pressure.

"I'm so sorry, Joker," Shepard whispered.

He met her eyes then, tears brimming but not falling, as he nodded and limped away. They watched him disappear, listened as he boarded the elevator.

Shepard sunk down onto her chair, her back still to James. He shifted closer and reached for her arm, pulling her back. Shepard just sank back against his chest, her head turning slightly to rest her cheek against his face. His arms came around her waist to hold her securely, and they sat like that for a while in silence.

Then the sound of an opening door seemed to break the reverie and Shepard pulled herself up and walked away. He sighed as he watched her go. She needed some time, so he didn't chase her. Instead he cleared away the plates, with the help of a very quiet Allers, and headed for his station, determined to lose himself in work, desperate not to think about what was happening to his uncle and grandmother…. and his father.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five hours to go.

James couldn't stand it anymore.

The Justicar's words echoed in his head. "_Your time is precious. Spend it wisely. With those who care about you._"

He suddenly pushed himself away from the weapons bench and strode to the elevator, ignoring the questioning look from Cortez as he hit the top button. It felt like the longest elevator ride, ever, as he struggled not to lose his nerve.

It was just that it seemed like they'd taken so long to get this far, to a place he'd been dreaming of for what seemed like an eternity, and now it was actually happening he didn't want to mess it up.

James jumped when the doors opened, and he stepped gingerly out into the lobby. The elevator doors slid shut behind him as if to cut off his escape, and he stood frozen to the spot. His hands were clenched in fists, and his muscles began to ache, he was so tense. But he knew he couldn't back down now. Wouldn't. She was too important to him, and with the impending battle, the fact was they may not have a later. He hated that, but there it was.

He took a long stride forward and hit the door lock. She released the lock without questioning who was on the other side and he saw her sitting at her desk, surrounded by the biggest pile of data pads he'd ever seen. Her brow was furrowed from concentrating and he knew she was going to burn out if she kept up this pace.

That thought emboldened him again, as he moved towards her.

She did a double-take over her shoulder as she saw it was him, then she must have caught the look in his face, because she suddenly looked a little frightened as she rose from her chair.

James didn't stop until his body was flush with hers. He reached for her hands which were fists at her sides, and it took him back to that day he had done the same thing after she'd lost her rank.

This time she didn't pull away. This time she met his eyes.

His heart was beating fast, with both anxiety and anticipation. He lowered his head slowly, and she raised hers. That was all he needed. They met halfway and their lips crushed together as their pent-up feelings erupted.

His arms hugged her to him as hers slid up his back. She tasted like heaven, but apparently even in heaven you had to breath, and he reluctantly pulled away so they could catch some air. Her cheeks were flushed, her pupils slightly dilated, and he knew his would mirror hers.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey, " she returned.

" I want to spend these last hours with you, Lola. I want all of you."

Wordlessly, her hands swept down to the hem of his t-shirt and grabbed a hold as she tugged it up.

"So I was right when I said you wanted me out of my tee, back on Earth." he jested, his voice low.

She returned a breathy laugh.

"You got me."

He removed it quickly as she began to shrug out of her uniform top.

"Yes, I do," he said intently.

Then they were pressed against each other again, passionate kisses and light caresses. She began to push him backwards but stayed with him and they were in the middle of the upper level. Then he lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He took her down the steps and towards her bed, lowering her gently. They climbed out of their trousers and paused to gaze at each other.

James thought she was stunning. Smooth skin, curvy, athletic body with only a black bra and panties to keep her modest. But it was her face that enraptured him. Looking at him with passion - love. Her blue eyes shimmered at him, inviting him. He leaned in and reached behind her head to release the binding, and watched as her shiny black hair spilled out in long wavy tresses that reached the middle of her back. He ran his fingers through the silky strands in awe. He'd never seen her with it down. It was beautiful. He cupped the back of her head to pull her in for another kiss.

Shepard ran her hands over his hard chest. He radiated heat as she slid her hand up to his neck, into his funny Mohawk. He was so gentle as he ran his hands over her, he had her arching in delight within seconds. It didn't take long for their underclothes to disappear and they were laying on the bed. Her agile hands were doing wicked things to his insides as she explored his skin, and he endeavoured to return the pleasure. They took their time to follow their hands with their mouths until finally they couldn't hold back any longer.

Shepard rolled on top of him and positioned him at her entrance, then he lowered her slowly down onto him with his hands around her backside. It was exquisitely mind-blowing, and Shepard took over the pace until she began to orgasm, then James rolled them so he was above her and took control. She was gripping him so tightly and he soon released, stars exploding behind their eyes at the intensity.

James brought her with him as he sunk to the side, their breathing laboured. She was more than he could ever have dreamed and he felt the emotion flood his body.

He hugged her to him, his eyes falling on the frame by her bed. The frame had activated with their presence, but instead of the picture of a man that wasn't him, it displayed the flower he had given her, frozen in stasis for all time. His heart hitched again, and he looked back at the woman in his arms.

That's when he noticed the tears on Shepard's face and was momentarily concerned as he placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face to him.

"You mean a lot to me, James. I love you," she smiled through the tears, and he had to blink to stop his own from falling.

"I love you too, Lola. I always have," and he kissed her deeply.

They lay together, sleep eventually claiming them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard woke with a start, her heart still beating hard in her chest, the nightmare still fresh in her mind. Then she became aware of warm arms around her, solid, safe, and she turned to look at James. She could hardly believe he was there, and she stroked his sleeping face. She noticed that her hand trembled and she felt the need to get up, to shake away the remnant of sleep. She carefully moved out of James' embrace.

The Reapers were such a huge force, and she wasn't sure she had enough within her to bring them down. She had always gone into her missions believing she would come out of the other side, but for the first time she had a twisting in her gut that told her that this was it for her. There would be no happy ending for her, and she felt real fear.

James roused from his sleep, his surroundings coming into view, reminding him of where he was. His heart fluttered with the memory, then he realised she wasn't in his arms anymore. Looking over he saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. For a moment he worried that she was regretting what had happened between them. He moved up behind her, gently placing his arm around her, his hand resting on her stomach. She was trembling but didn't move away from him, so he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"Lola, talk to me," he spoke gently.

He felt her take a deep shuddering breath, as she looked over her shoulder at him, her face full of uncertainty.

"Are we going to make it, James?" she murmured.

James' heart twisted at her question, and he pulled her tighter against him.

"Hey…Look what we've come up against so far, and they barely made us blink. These things - are just a little bigger is all. And we've got a giant gun that'll do the job on them. All we have to do is pull the trigger."

She huffed a laugh at his perspective.

James turned serious.

"You've accomplished the most amazing things, Lola. I've stood by you since I met you, proud to witness it all, never once failing to be stunned by you, loving you for it, every step of the way. And I'll continue to stand beside you, along with the rest of your crew, and the rest of the damn galaxy. You'll never be alone. WE can do this. Together."

She turned in his arms, one hand resting on his chest, the other stroking the side of his face, and he leaned into it.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

She kissed him, then pulled away.

James watched her as she gathered up her clothes, seeing through the façade, wishing he could hide her away and protect her from it all.

She moved into the bathroom, her thoughts now lingering on James. He gave her the strength to keep going, despite the impossible odds. Staring into the mirror, she saw someone who would give her last breath to save the man she loved, and knowing she would probably have to, she mourned the future they would never have.


	15. Chapter 15

They could hear Hackett's ships striking the base, feel the tremors beneath their feet.

Edi was busy hacking through a door and had indicated a terminal Shepard might be interested in. James stood behind her as she activated a recording.

They watched as a doctor was trying to convince the Illusive Man that Shepard was clinically dead and therefore unsalvageable.

"I didn't realise it was that bad," Shepard murmured, eyes fixed on the screen.

"That sounds like more than your basic coma," James spoke gently. Man, Cerberus really had performed a miracle. "Do you remember anything?"

She shook her head, deep in thought. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now.

"I'm still me. I doubt I'd have been able to turn against Cerberus otherwise. Maybe they really just fixed me. Or…maybe…I'm just a high-tech VI that thinks it's Commander Shepard, but I.. I don't know…"

James was appalled at her train of thought, and he stepped up close to her, his chest pressed against her back, his arms around her.

"Hey. Look at me."

She turned her head to him.

"There's nothing fake about you. You're human. You feel, you love… you're loved."

Shepard gripped the arms around her as he pressed his lips to her cheek.

She brought up the next entry.

This one involved the doctor expressing concerns over whether Shepard would agree to work for them. The Illusive Man had been unconcerned, pointing out that she'll want to help the colonists, and his resources will be the only thing available to her.

"Guess he was right," James commented.

"The Alliance wasn't listening, he made sure of that, and he knew that I would never just sit and wait for the Alliance to come around. Every instinct I had told me not to trust Cerberus, but I needed their help, so I played along."

"You did what you had to. You did the right thing. And you're here to kick his ass now, that's all that matters."

The last entry played.

The doctor confirmed that the project was a success, and the Illusive Man ordered them to find crew members for her she would find it easy to work with, ex-Alliance, Joker, Dr Chakwas - good people.

"Bastard set you up. Using your friends to keep you comfortable. He needs to die."

James was livid now. Shepard had been nothing but herself. A protector, and TIM just set out the pieces, put up walls and gave her no where else to go. To walk out on Cerberus meant walking out on those colonists, and walking out on her friends. Both of which she would never do.

"Edi, how's that door coming."

James noted how despondent she sounded, and he vowed to make that son of a bitch pay.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

Annoyingly, it seemed TIM had skipped out, but Leng showed.

The battle was challenging, but Leng finally went down, and while Shepard, and Edi started collecting data and discovered that the Catalyst was the Citadel itself, he stood a short distance from her, staring out at the void, contemplating this latest development.

He was drawn back to the room by the sound of leather. What the-? He spun to see a badly bleeding Leng with his sword raised, point down, above Shepard.

Everything went into slow motion.

"SHEPARD!" he roared, as he closed the gap between them.

The sword began to descend. He flung out his arm and his armour impacted against the metal forcing it away from her. The sword sheared in half at the impact, as Shepard spun round, activating her Omni-blade and sank it into Leng's side.

"That was for Thane you son of a bitch!" she growled at Leng, before she yanked out the blade and he sank to the ground, dead.

James grabbed her to him then, holding her tightly, his breathing still heavy from the fright, but managing to press a kiss to her forehead.

That was too close.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx

She stood before him, looking how he felt. His heart was breaking at the thought of losing her, of never being able to hold her again. If only he'd not wasted so much time wrestling against his feelings. They would have had more time together. What they'd had wasn't enough.

She was taking him with her for the push to the transport beam. He wouldn't have it any other way, and he would continue to protect her with every step.

He was aware the troops of soldiers were watching - watching Shepard, at least. She was the legend in their midst, giving them the strength to fight on. He just wished they could have privacy.

"Hey, Commander," he said, using proper protocol.

"What, no Lola?" she gave him a shaky smile.

He gave a small laugh. Shrugging his arms out to gesture to those watching.

"Yeah, sorry" He'd never felt so low.

"You okay?" Of course she picked up on it. She knew him.

"I don't know what I thought I'd feel coming back to Earth. I was ready to fight, ready to die if I had to, but seeing everything like this…" If everything was like this, there was a good chance he'd lost his family.

"I know it's hard to see, but this is only temporary. But first we need to win this thing. Stay focused. Don't let them take your will to fight." She knew it was a half-hearted speech, made for the benefit of those watching them.

"I know, I know. You're right. So, I guess this is it, no? One more push… one last fight."

"Not necessarily our last."

He noted the lack of surety in her voice, and it frightened him. Not for himself, but for her.

He saluted her.

"It's been an honour serving with you, Shepard."

"You're a good man, and a terrific soldier."

"Thanks."

"Whatever happens out there today, I know you'll do me proud."

"That means a lot to me, ma'am. Good luck out there…Lola."

He silently promised himself that if they made it through the other side, he'd make sure she would be in his future. His only fear was that she would fall, and he would not. He knew he wouldn't survive that pain. He wouldn't want to. His Lola had become his life.

As she began to walk away, he suddenly didn't care about the line of soldiers standing behind him. He pulled her tightly against him and kissed her with all the love he had, hoping it wouldn't be the last time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

His vision slowly came back to him, pain radiated all over his body. He remembered the red laser from Harbinger, raining down, a ground vehicle flying towards them. Shepard had been a little ahead of him and Garrus, and he watched her deftly slide under the tumbling hunk of metal, as it carried on its journey, but they hadn't been so lucky as it finally came slamming down right where they were. They jumped in different directions, but he was hit by flying metal as it exploded.

James grimaced in intense pain as he tried to move. His leg was a mess, but all he could think about was Shepard. He pictured her running for that beam without him watching her back and it horrified him. He'd failed her.

Then Shepard was there in front of him, grabbing him to her, pulling him into cover behind the remains of the vehicle, Garrus joining them, his hand against a nasty wound in his side.

"Lola! You came back?" he said in shock.

He was given a confused look, as though she couldn't understand what he had expected her to do. He felt stupid then. Of course she'd come back. They were her family. _He _was more than that. She'd never leave without knowing they were safe.

Shepard radioed the Normandy and James didn't think anything of it in his pained haze. Their ship landed, it's stealth drive preventing it becoming a target, and Garrus followed Shepard as she helped James onto the ship.

"Here, take him," she said calmly to Garrus, who immediately came to support James' other side, as she let go of him.

That's when James' heart plunged, a horrible sick feeling rising in his gut. She was going back.

"Lola!…" he said desperately, as she backed away.

"You gotta get out of here." She looked straight at him, her eyes pleading him.

"Bullshit!. Not without you!"

"Don't argue with me, James."

Garrus also didn't like it. "You've gotta be kidding me, Shepard."

"I can still fight. Unh…Just give me my gun." James gritted his teeth against the pain, determined to carry on. He wouldn't let her down. Wouldn't.

"We're in this till the end," agreed Garrus.

"I need to know someone's getting out of this alive." Shepard looked at them, entreating them to understand how she needed to know they was still there to save. She wouldn't be able to keep going without that.

Garrus gave a hesitant nod.

"Just make damn sure that involves you too."

"Don't leave me," James pleaded. She had made it sound like she had no hope of coming out alive, and he was having trouble holding back his emotion now.

She saw it in his face and moved back in front of him, her hand caressing his face, resting against his cheek.

"No matter what happens….know that I love you…more than I thought it possible to love. And I always will."

James didn't try to stop his quivering lips as he pressed his face against her hand, his hand over hers as if to keep her there. He knew she couldn't walk away from this, from her duty, and that he couldn't help her now. His injuries would only hinder her, put her in danger.

"I love you, too, and I'll be right here, waiting for you," his voice trembled.

He let his tears fall so they wouldn't blur his vision of her face. She stepped away then, her hand slipped through his fingers, and he felt the coldness hit his cheek from the loss. He stretched out his arm, reaching out for her, so close but so far. Their eyes never left each other.

"Good luck, Lola. Be careful…" he begged her, his voice hoarse.

The battle behind her called for her attention and when she looked back she shouted at them, "GO!" as she waved them away. This was it. She was going.

His face twisted in agony of leaving without her, as his outstretched hand dropped emptily by his side, and he watched her turn and run.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Garrus half-dragged him to the medbay but he was numb to any pain now, except for that brought on by his thoughts of Shepard. He asked Edi to give him an update on her progress. He had to know what was happening to her.

"Shepard is almost to the beam, Lieutenant Vega," Edi informed him.

He waited, impatiently, his heart thudding, as Dr Chakwas tended to his wounds.

Edi's voice came again, but this time she sounded subdued, and James felt that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach again.

"Shepard has been struck by the beam….. She isn't moving….. I'm sorry, James."

Chakwas gasped, then tried to concentrate on James, blinking back tears.

Garrus, sat on the adjacent bed, his head hung in sorrow.

James just closed his eyes, trying not to let himself feel. Nausea creeping up from his stomach anyway. He didn't want to feel the immense loss that was making it difficult to breath.

"Please, Doc, put me out," he whispered to her.

Chakwas nodded in understanding and readied a syringe. She was about to administer it when Edi interrupted.

"Shepard is getting up! She's badly injured but she's moving to the beam!"

James' eyes sprung open, his heart hammering again.

Edi was clearly excited, and they all sighed in relief.

"She has made it!"

"I'm heading up there now!" announced Joker.

No-one knew how to feel now. Shepard had got to the Citadel but who knew what she would face there, and now she was hurt.

James refused any sedative that would make him unconscious now, and knew that he just had to wait. His Lola would do it, and he pushed down his fears for her condition, because he didn't dare acknowledge it. She would make it. She had to.

He couldn't live without her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

James had stayed in the medbay long enough for the doc to dress his wounds, then he ignored her protests as he stumbled off the bed and limped heavily out, the pain meds doing little to fight back against the further abuse he was forcing on his leg. He needed to see.

He found Joker piloting around the Citadel, taking shots at the Reapers, dodging in and out. They could see the Crucible from a distance, beginning to open. Then came the call from Hackett that the Crucible was powering up, all ships were to retreat. Joker was refusing, and Kaidan was arguing with him.

"You heard the order, Joker, we have to retreat!"

"How can you say that?! After all your regrets for following orders and leaving her behind on the first Normandy, you're doing it again?!" Joker fumed.

Alenko paled and stepped back as though struck, his hands suddenly shaking as he look over at James.

"Well, I'm not letting her down again!" stated Joker, as he maintained the ship's orbit round the primed Citadel, as Edi searched for Shepard's signal.

James stood with Joker. There was no way he was going to leave that woman alone for a second longer than he was forced to.

Alenko was still staring at James.

"I told her she wouldn't be facing this alone. So I'll follow her wherever she goes, even if it's in a huge ball of fire," he clarified for Alenko.

"I'm with you," confirmed Garrus as he joined them, giving Joker support with a taloned hand on his chair.

Alenko was staring at his feet now.

The crucible erupted in a wave of light that spread outwards. The ship was rocked by the shockwave but remained intact, as the light washed over them all, impossible to look at. Opening his eyes, James looked back out of the cock pit window and watched as several Reapers nearby stopped. There was a pause, and you could have heard a pin drop it was so silent, then they suddenly began exploding, one by one.

"YEAH! WAY TO GO LOLA!" His voice joined Joker and Garrus' cheers of joy and relief. She'd done it! Then he immediately wondered where the hell he'd find her.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been two days and he was going out of his mind.

They had found Anderson's body but nothing of Shepard, besides a bloody trail. Edi had activated the platform where the trail ended, which had taken them to another level, and more blood, but there was no sign of her.

She'd have contacted them by now if she was able, and the thought of her injured somewhere, probably unconscious was killing him. He refused to consider the possibility she was dead. She was out there, he just had to find her - and he wouldn't let her down.

Help came in the form of Edi and Liara who had been going over footage taken from various sources. They had pinpointed another fluctuation of light similar to the one initiated by Shepard's jump into the transport beam, except it had gone in the opposite direction. Shepard had to be on Earth!

James cursed as they headed back at full speed, thinking of all the time they'd wasted scouring the Citadel tower, and he prayed they weren't too late.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

It felt like an eternity for them to land. James was racing ahead of the rest of the crew, despite the pain in his leg, aiming for the last place he'd seen her.

Debris covered the landscape, much of it belonging to Harbinger, and they painstakingly and carefully removed everything in the vicinity. Hours went slowly by, darkness descending.

Then Garrus found her. He was heaving a huge slab up and he had caught the glint of metal dog tags poking through the debris. He shouted loudly.

"MEDIC!"

James ran over, his breathe catching as he saw for himself.

Through sheer adrenaline he shoved Garrus' load aside and they began cautiously removing the debris. As he worked he saw her badly damaged armour, completely gone in places. He tried to ignore the large amount of blood pooled beneath her, telling himself it would look worse than it was. He gently turned her head, brushing back the hair which covered her face, and he began to weep at the sight of her half-open eyes staring back.

Garrus laid a hand on his shoulder but James was oblivious to anything other than the still woman in front of him.

James found her hand and grasped it tightly, bringing it to his lips, kissing her unmoving fingers as his tears fell over them. He'd never felt such despair.

Then came a sound that filled his ears. She'd gasped! Her fingers momentarily clenched around his and her eyes blinked.

"LOLA! Stay with me! MEDIC! Look at me, Lola! Fight! Just a little bit longer, mi amour - _please," _he begged her.

She was struggling to breathe, her chest heaving, the pain and trauma throughout her body was sending her into shock. Her fingers were gripping his unbelievably tightly, and his leg was screaming at him, but he didn't care. She needed him.

Garrus was truly at a loss, standing back, his taloned hands raking the top of his head, as he watched his best friend fighting for her life in front of him.

The medical team surrounded them, scrambling into action, but James refused to let go. They pumped her full of drugs and transferred her to a mobile bed.

Half-way to the ambulance one of the medics shouted, "She's crashed!" and they hustled out a resuscitator. James froze. His hand now empty so they could shock her system. Once, twice, the third time they got a response.

"Okay, pulse is back! Let's move!"

James' own heart restarted and he reclaimed her hand. Thankfully, he didn't have to let go again until they were at the hospital and she was rushed into theatre.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Twenty one hours. It was the longest wait of his life. Garrus, Liara, Kaidan, Edi, Tali, Joker, Cortez and other crew members were crammed into the waiting area with him. Dr Chakwas had headed straight in to take over her care. A few hours in and Miranda hurried in to help, whilst Jack, Samara and the rest of the motley crew Shepard had picked up along the way to the collector case joined the wait. Shepard couldn't be in better hands, but he desperately wanted her in _his_. He was vaguely aware of a doctor checking them all over, and a nurse had re-bandaged him up in various places, where he'd exacerbated his injuries, but everything around him was like a dream and the only thing that was clear and in focus was the door that led to Shepard.

Finally Dr Chakwas walked wearily from the room, and they all stood in anticipation.

"She's stable-"

The collective sigh of relief filled the air.

"-for now…but, the next few days will be critical. Her body's shut itself down in a coma-state, which may seem alarming but it's the best way for her body to heal."

James was already moving towards the door. He had to see her. Nurses were cleaning up the room when he entered, while Miranda stood beside the bed performing scans with her Omni-tool. He went straight over and picked up Shepard's hand gently, clasping hers between his two larger hands. She was mostly bandages and stitching, but she had never looked more beautiful to him, because she was alive. He bent to caress the back of her fingers against his cheek, then placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

Chakwas had followed him, a few of the others squeezing in behind her.

"She lost a lot of blood from a gunshot wound to her stomach, but transfusions have now replaced that and the bullet was removed, the wound no longer serious. She had some internal damage, to her lungs, and to some of the critical implants placed by Cerberus, which caused us a lot of problems. Miranda was indispensable when it came to getting them working properly again."

Miranda just nodded at Chakwas' acknowledgement.

"She has also suffered a lot of burns and lesions, but _they're _more easily fixable. We just need to wait for the new supply of medi-gel to reach us."

Cortez piped up. "_I'll _get on that," and he rushed out.

"The broken bones have been reset, but her body's been put under a lot of pressure. The shock to her system could be too much, though her coma-state, as I said before, is helpful."

"How long will she be out?" whispered James.

"Impossible to say. Days, weeks….or it could be long-term," warned Chakwas gently.

"The fact is, without the Cerberus implants she wouldn't have survived at all, and now they're functioning properly-" she checked with Miranda, who nodded.

"-now they're functioning properly, she has a better chance than most to make it through the next few days."

Everyone behind him was either murmuring her good wishes or shedding tears behind him.

"Now, it's time that _all _of you go and get some rest. I know _I _am," sighed Chakwas. The room emptied apart from James, and Chakwas placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I really think she'll pull through, James. That she survived her injuries at all is a miracle. I can't see her bailing on us now."

"I know. I just…..I need to be here," he said quietly.

Chakwas left and soon after, Alenko brought in a chair for James.

"You never doubted her…never let her down," murmured Alenko, as he gazed at Shepard.

"Doubted her? No. Never. But let her down?….She's here, like this, and I wasn't there by her side like I said I would be. I wasn't there to protect her, like I promised Anderson."

"You're just a man, Vega. You got hurt, and she'd kick your ass if she heard you blaming yourself like this."

James huffed.

"Yeah, she would…...How could you have walked away from her, before?" His tone wasn't accusing, it was just questioning.

"…...The first time… I followed orders, instead of following my heart…..the second time…..I was a fool. A stupid, close-minded fool, who couldn't accept a goddamn miracle when it was standing in front of me…..and I walked away from something no-one in this whole damn universe has ever had…..a second chance to be with the woman I thought was lost to me forever. The woman I love… But you were right, Vega. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who doesn't falter over whether to follow orders or follow their heart….. She deserves you."

James looked over his shoulder at Alenko then, unable to speak. Alenko just nodded sadly, and patted him on the back.

"Take care of her," Alenko murmured, before leaving the room.

James stared at the closed door in a daze, then turned back to Shepard. The rhythmic sound of the beeping machines lulling his mind to rest. He pulled the chair closer to her bed, slumping into it, and promptly fell asleep with his head on the bed, hands still gripping hers.


	17. Chapter 17

Six weeks later, Shepard remained in a coma.

James was in his usual spot, by her side, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn, he was used to the constant visits of those who cared for Shepard, and the way they would show him support.

"How are you, son?" came a deep voice so familiar but completely out of place. James frowned as his mind struggled out of the fog.

Tio!

He turned in surprise to see the huge hulk of a man who meant more to him than his own father. He managed to push himself to his feet and his uncle grabbed him up in a bear-hug.

That embrace broke something inside him and he began to weep uncontrollably. His uncle just kept hold of him, murmuring comforting words to his beloved nephew.

James suddenly realised that he'd given up any hope of finding his family alive since he'd arrived back on Earth, and he felt ashamed for that.

"I came as soon as I found out where you were. Abuela sends her love. I just about had to get the whole neighbourhood to restrain her from coming too. Stubborn old woman."

James gathered himself, and his uncle held him at arms length so he could look at him.

"Just as well too. If your abuela saw you looking like this she'd have a coronary." He indicated James' unshaven face, blood-shot eyes rimmed with dark circles, his skin pale.

"You gotta take care of yourself, or else you're gonna be in a whole lot of trouble when your girl wakes up," he warned.

James gave a small huff of a laugh.

"Hh. Yeah. You're probably right," he said with weariness, and he looked longingly over his shoulder at Shepard. She was still so damaged, but appeared so peaceful as she slept.

"How is she doing?" asked his uncle.

"Doctor Chakwas says she's out of danger, but she's still in a coma." He didn't take his eyes of her as he talked. "I need her, Tio," his voice rasped.

His uncle clapped his hands on his shoulders, and gave him a gentle shake.

"If what I hear about Commander Shepard is true, she'll be fighting her way back to you, Sobrino." Emilio looked at the woman who had captured his nephew's heart, still unable to believe who he was looking at. "You're one lucky man to have a woman like that, Jimmy."

"Yes, I am."

Emilio felt James straighten with pride as he said it.

"You can imagine the surprise I had when I found out from none other than Admiral Hackett, that you were fine and keeping vigil by Commander Shepard's side. I had to get special clearance just to get past all the krogan guarding the place. Talk about protective!"

"Huh. Well, she's an honorary krogan to them, as declared by Urdnot Wrex himself," James replied lightly, a small smile ghosting his face as he thought back.

"Come on. Let's go get you presentable before she gets a shock."

James gave a shaky laugh, but hesitated.

Then Garrus walked in with Tali, and he relaxed.

"Will you stay with her until I get back? I don't want her to be alone."

"Of course, James. Go get some rest. We'll look after her," assured Garrus.

"Thanks, Scars," but again he lingered.

"If anything happens, you'll be the first to know," Tali promised.

"Thanks, Sparks."

This time he let his uncle propel out of the door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

He slept like the dead, waking up feeling more like himself. His uncle came in with a huge plate of hot food, and for the first time in weeks he was hungry.

Emilio watched James devour the meal with relief. There was the boy he knew and loved. His face was clean-shaven, his hair cut in it's usual style, his skin much more healthy.

"How long did I sleep?" James asked as he finished his meal.

"About..eighteen hours," his uncle replied.

James leapt up in horror.

"What!?" He began to scramble for his shoes.

"She's fine, James. There's been no change," Emilio called out to him.

"But what if she's aware I'm not there?! She could be thinking I've abandoned her! AAGHHH! I've let her down again!"

"JAMES!" shouted Emilio. James faltered, saw the stern look on his uncle's face and suddenly lost his adrenaline-fueled frenzy, feeling rather foolish of his irrational tirade.

"That's better. Now let's get you back to your girl."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Entering her room he was relieved to find her exactly as he left her. Then he felt terrible for being relieved. He wanted her awake, smiling at him, but he also wanted to be right there when she opened her eyes. He prayed it would be soon.

An old woman had her back to him and was fussing over Shepard, gently wiping her face with a cloth. She was singing something he recognised, and as he walked further into the room, it came to him at the same time he heard his uncle swear.

"EMILIO!" admonished his grandmother.

"Abuela!? What are you doing here!?" stammered James, as he was embraced by his grandmother. He immediately folded his arms around her, his abuela's familiar perfume stirring up fond memories.

"What am I doing here…." she repeated back to him, as if he was a fool.

"I came for my nieto." She patted his cheeks, then pulled him down to kiss his forehead. "Pendejo," she mumbled as she turned back to the bed.

James just laughed in response. Thank God, there were some things that never changed, even when faced with Reapers.

"Oh, she's beautiful, James. You are a lucky boy."

He watched his abuela stroke Shepard's face as though she was one of her own children, and tears came to his eyes.

"I know she must be very special to have won my nieto's heart." She peered over her shoulder as she waited for him to tell her all about Shepard.

"You have no idea, abuela. She cured the genophage to get the krogan and turians working together, killed a Reaper on foot, or technically two if you count the one on Tuchanka, and united the geth and quarians. Not to mention bringing down the Reapers and saving the galaxy," James gushed.

His abuela just waved his words away with impatience. He chuckled. Only his abuela could be so blasé with all that.

"Yes, yes. I know all that. That turian with the scarred face told me all that." Then she waited.

James moved so he could look directly at Shepard, and gently held her hand up to his cheek as he had done so often over the past weeks.

"She's so strong and tough on the outside, abuela, but inside she's unbelievably soft. She'll go out of her way to help anyone in need, no matter who or what they are, but she'll take no nonsense from those who just want to destroy life. She only ever takes the shot if there's no other option, always offers them a way out of their choice first, to atone, if she has the chance to.

She knows where I've been, abuela. That dark, guilty place. She gets it, she's lived there, and she pushed her way through hers, to make herself a better person. She helped me see that I could do it too. I'm gonna go for N7. Because she believes in me. Because she makes _me _believe in me. I have a future, abuela."

When he looked back at his abuela he saw tears running down her face. She took his face again and spoke directly to his eyes.

"I'm so glad, James. I was worried that the last time I saw you would be the last I would _ever _see of you. You were so low, James. Haunted. I look at you now as you speak of her, and I see the life in you again. She is truly a wonderful woman, James, to have brought you back to me. I would be proud to call her my family."

"Well said, madre." His uncle smiled at James, as he was pulled into another of his grandmother's hugs.

Emilio had also been concerned about his nephew, and he hoped like hell the woman who had given him a reason to live, would return to James soon.

"Now how about we leave James alone for a bit, while you explain to me why you risked a long flight at your age."

Emilio crossed his arms and frowned at his mother.

"My age? I'm as young as I feel, you cheeky boy. Need I remind you that I have a mind of my own. I don't' need anyone telling me what to do, young man-" James laughed as he listened to his abuela's ranting as they left the room.

He turned back to the bed, ready to start his vigil again, but this time something was very different, and he couldn't wrap his head around it at first. Then his brain kick-started. Shepard's heart monitor was beeping faster and faster. Shepard was stirring. He flung himself towards her, placing his hand over hers, and she responded by flexing her fingers which he interlaced with his own, noting the monitor's beeping was slowing.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, searching, then those gorgeous pale blue orbs found his face.

"James," she whispered.


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm here, Lola, I'm right here."

He began pressing light kisses to her lips, tears running down as he felt her responding. He was shaking with emotion.

The door opened behind him, but he didn't take his eyes off her.

"Commander Shepard!?" came the surprised grating voice of Admiral Hackett. "I had no idea you were awake!"

"Sir!" James stood to attention.

"At ease, Lieutenant."

"She only just woke up, Sir," he explained, vibrantly, as he turned his attention back to Shepard. Hackett strode over.

"How are you, Shepard?"

"I'm okay. How long was I out?" she spoke quietly, her voice hoarse from disuse, barely taking her eyes from James' handsome face.

"Six weeks," he rasped, still in a surreal disbelief that she was actually awake and with him again.

"The Reapers?" she asked, her forehead creasing. "Did we stop them? Did it work?" She suddenly looked frantic.

"You did it , Lola. They just shut-down and exploded."

"It was the most satisfying thing I've ever seen, Commander. Well done, and thank you," Hackett intoned, sincerely.

Shepard sighed with relief, tears brimming under closed lids.

James lifted her hand to lay a kiss on the back, and continued.

"We found you within the wreckage of Harbinger, but not until the second day. As soon as the Reapers went down, we searched the Citadel, only we couldn't find you. Edi and Liara worked it out - that you had travelled back down, into the Reaper."

"Can you tell us what happened, Commander?" Hackett asked gently, clearly expecting nothing right now.

Shepard was nodding as she remembered. "Once I hit the beam it took me somewhere in the Citadel I'd never seen before…there were bodies everywhere. Anderson was there too….and so was the Illusive Man. He was able to assert some kind of control over us. He shot Anderson and I managed to take him down…After I used the console and activated it, I thought that was it. That we'd done it. There was such a wonderful view from there….Anderson said he was proud of me…. then he died sitting right next to me, seeing Earth from above."

She paused, the emotion in her voice, choking her for a moment, but she gathered herself.

"I was fading too. It was your voice, Admiral, that stopped me just going to sleep. Telling me that it wasn't working. I couldn't believe it….. I didn't think I had anything left, I was beginning to black out but I pulled myself back to that console -only there wasn't anything else…and then I must have passed out."

James found it difficult to listen to, the images it conjured sitting heavy in his gut. He was supposed to have been there with her.

"The area in front of the console must have been a platform because I woke up and found myself on a higher level. I think it tried to indoctrinate me. It produced a holo of that boy we saw killed just before we left Earth. The same one in my dreams. It spoke to me, told me _it _was the Catalyst and that I had to make a choice."

She winced as her voice croaked, and James reached over to the side table to grab the water, and brought it to her lips. She took some sips, enjoying the cool liquid on her throat, then nodded slightly when she was sated.

"I could control the Reapers, but that would require me to be absorbed into a Reapers mind. I didn't trust that I wouldn't be 'controlled' instead, that I was just giving them what they've wanted since the collector attack - my body, my dna.

Another option was to blend organics and machines together, and again would require me to sacrifice my body as the blueprint. In doing so it would render the Reapers without purpose, but to make that choice would be to force it on all life in the galaxy.

The last solution it offered was to destroy all machines and all Reaper technology, including the relays, but that also meant sacrificing the geth and even Edi, and because my own implants were based on that tech, I would also die.

…..I was so close to choosing that option, Sir….but then I got angry. That couldn't be the only way. It wasn't right that the Geth, EDI, would have to die, after everything that's been accomplished. So I turned away from it, and I saw something it didn't want me to see. I saw a fourth option.

It tried to persuade me that I was dooming everyone by not acting quickly, and I nearly turned back. It was reaching into my head. …But I thought of you, James. It kept me focused."

James felt incredibly humbled as he listened to her, stroking her hand, not caring that Hackett stood beside him.

"I kept going. It was another beam like the one that had taken me to the Citadel, and that holo thing told me it was only a way back down to Earth, that I wouldn't get another chance to come back here. I hesitated then, James. I was so scared that I was going to waste the only chance we had.

Then I realised that the pressure in my head had only increased when I'd turned away from the other options. It wanted me to choose, and that didn't make sense, because indoctrination came from the Reapers and they should have _wanted _me to fail. So I jumped into the transport beam.

When I landed I recognised the inside of the Reaper from previous encounters during our collector mission. I was in what we would call the central control area. There were hundreds of screens lining the walls, and a huge control panel, and in front of that was some kind of distorted, abomination of a creature, with Reaper tech running in and out of it.

That's when I realised…The Reapers weren't individual minds, they were controlled by one prime machine."

"Harbinger," Hackett supplied.

James was stunned.

"But what was the 'thing' that you found? Some kind of keeper?"

Shepard shook her head.

"I spoke with it. It was mad, James. It brought up a holo version of it's original self that told me it was the one responsible for creating the Reapers. It's name was Creed.

Creed's people, who were the true creators of the relays and the Citadel, had been decimated by another races' A.I. creations and he had created Harbinger to deal with it. The other Reapers he made were essentially just shells, given basic functions, that he could control from the prime machine.

Except Creed hadn't stopped at destroying the machines. He chose to destroy those who'd created them too, then he'd feared others would travel the same path and destroyed other advanced races.

Creed had created a way for Harbinger to absorb the essence of organic life, the d.n.a, in order to retain the blueprints, to be seeded again. That d.n.a also gave them extra abilities, such as mind control, to give them a greater advantage.

Afterwards Creed had made sure that Harbinger was programmed to continue it's course by waiting in dark space, allowing enough time for new races to develop, but never to get to the level where free-thinking machines could take over.

But he made a mistake.

He had integrated himself with Harbinger, in order to maintain control over it, only Harbinger had already attained it's own intelligence. Creed realised too late that he had created the very thing he was trying to prevent.

Harbinger wouldn't allow him to destroy it and Creed knew he couldn't let Harbinger kill him or all organics would be doomed. He rigged it so that when his life ceased it would trigger a virus that would shut down Harbinger and would use the relays to send that virus to all Reaper shells to self-destruct so Harbinger couldn't transfer itself, and he made sure that the program couldn't be touched, through re-writing and such, without setting it off.

Creed had assumed that his life would end after another hundred years at most, long before another race could rise up, but Harbinger worked to keep him alive.

Creed was able to implement one last program before Harbinger took complete control of his mind. That program included details of the Crucible, and would enable others to have a way to defeat Harbinger, but Harbinger was able to steer Creed's mind to add the other options, before Creed sent out the data.

All these hundreds of thousands of years he's lived, trapped inside Harbinger, its indoctrination turning him mad. He resents organics now. He enjoys the chaos and fear. It's _his _mind that helped create the use of warping the dna of organics into abominations to use against their own kind. Harbinger itself is essentially still trapped within Creed's original programming."

"Damn, Commander," was all Hackett could say as she finished.

"Whoa…" murmured James. "That's…..I don't even know how to process all that. It's unfathomable. Do you pity Creed, or hate him…? He's a victim of his own creation, though his original intention was kinda noble. He was trying to help future races, but destroying them in the process…? …That's messed up."

"Yeah. Maybe he was already descending into his own madness before Harbinger got into his head. He would have lost a lot of people dear to him beforehand. To be driven to do something so extreme….." She shook her head in sadness.

"But how did you stop it all?" queried Hackett.

"I shot the thing that used to be Creed."

There it was. As simple as that.

"Unbelievable that that was all it took. A single bullet to his brain. The last one left in my gun. Then everything on the panel in front of it flashed red, and something, that must have been the virus, travelled back up the beam to the Crucible."

She shrugged then, knowing nothing more.

Hackett supplied her with the rest.

"The Crucible activated and sent a burst of white energy out across the whole system, that shut down the Reapers. Then the mass relay activated and another beam of energy went through it. Reports from other systems reported the same burst of energy washing over everything and activating other relays. The whole galaxy was purged in a matter of minutes."

"Back on Earth, I saw machine after machine in pieces, and a whole lot of celebrating!" added James with a smile.

"Hmm. Not so fun being on the inside at the time though. I dived under the control panel when everything started to explode, then it all went black."

James kissed her.

"But you're back now. You're safe, the whole galaxy's safe, and though there's a whole lot of clearing up and rebuilding to do, at least we have a future."

Shepard smiled up at him and gave a huge sigh of relief.

"That sounds really good. A future. Without Reapers. And Cerberus. And Reaper-worshipping Geth. Ah, happy days."

James laughed, then something crossed his mind and he swallowed nervously.

"Well," Hackett interrupted his thoughts, "I should let you rest, and somehow start writing up everything you've just told me. It's going to make quite a report, that's for sure. I'll be back soon, get you to sign it if you think you'll be up to it, and to discuss what comes next for Commander Shepard…and Lieutenant Vega."

"Sir," they both said in unison.

As soon as Hackett had closed the door, he clumsily blurted out, "How about spending that future with me?"

Shepard quirked her eyebrow at him, a small tug of a smile at one corner of her mouth.

"Can you be more specific?" she teased.

James shook his head in exasperation. She was going to be the death of him.

"Marry me?" his voice came low and gentle.

Her limbs felt heavy and weak but she forced them to do as she willed, albeit slowly, and she held his face in her hands, and kissed him.

"Nothing could stop me," she promised.

James was beginning to think he was turning into a right cry-baby these days, as tears welled up. He gathered her up gently, careful not to hurt her, but determined to have her in his arms, as they kissed again.

"-don't you madre me, Emilio, you're not too old to be spanked-"

James' abuela was still giving his uncle a hard time as they came back in the room, and he and Shepard had both burst into laughter at her words, causing her to pause.

"Oh! You're awake, my darling girl!"

She charged over to them and hugged a bewildered Shepard close, as though she had known her for years. James kept laughing.

"Easy, abuela. She's still healing."

"Yes, madre, move away, let the woman breath," added his uncle, a huge grin covering his face as he looked at a very ecstatic James, with Shepard in his arms. He moved closer once his mother had backed away slightly.

"It's an honour to meet you, Commander. I'm Jimmy's uncle, Emilio Vega."

"It's lovely to meet you, Mr Vega. James told me all about you. That you were the reason he made a life for himself in the military."

Emilio waved it away, embarrassed and proud all at the same time.

"He did that for himself, I just gave him a suggestion. And it's Emilio to you." He had to admit he was slightly star-struck.

"Never belittle the importance of what you did that day you got him to enrol. Without you, James would only have had his father, and we all know how that could have ended."

Emilio stood there in astonishment at the woman who had suddenly made him feel like he'd done something truly wonderful. He had always known he was the better father figure in James' life, but he'd often thought he'd failed. Surely giving the odd word of encouragement wouldn't have made that much impact on the boy, but now he realised it had been fundamental.

"And this is my abuela-"

"Oh, she's not stupid James. She knows exactly who I am. Oh, my dear, those lovely blue eyes. Oh! I must cook you a good meal! Get some meat on those bones, eh?"

"She's only just woken up, and you're already harassing her, madre?" tutted Emilio.

He got slapped around the head. "OW!"

"That's for disrespecting your madre!" Abuela said smugly.

Shepard couldn't contain her laughter and James sighed with happiness.

"Well, that's my family," he said sardonically, his mind momentarily wondering about his father. Shepard pushed back against his chest, laying her head back to look at him.

"They're wonderful, James. You're very lucky to have them," she said wistfully.

He remembered she had lost her own family.

"You're right, they are pretty great. And they're yours now too, Lola."

Shepard looked at him in confusion. His abuela helped her out.

"OH! You asked her? She said yes!?"

James laughed, as he nodded and both his abuela and his uncle swamped Shepard in hugs and kisses.

Shepard was a few shades pinker now, and tears rimmed her eyes at the thought of being part of a family again.

"Thank you," she whispered.


	19. Chapter 19

The following months had been a gruelling time of rehabilitation and rebuilding.

James' uncle and grandmother had reluctantly gone back home, while James and Shepard had relocated to the newly-built Alliance headquarters in Vancouver. There had still been no word of James' father.

Then came the seemingly endless ceremonies to award her and her team (though mostly her) more medals, ceremonies to honour the dead, and an offer of promotion to Admiral she had yet to accept.

James had accepted his promotion, and was now the proud Commander of the Normandy, whilst Shepard was out of commission, though she stayed by his side, enjoying the familiarity of their quarters. Joker was, as always, at the helm, with EDI by his side as an officially recognised crew member, and Chakwas waited for the next injured to limp through the med bay doors.

James took his new position extremely serious, along with his official N7 training, which he was practically strolling through, though he never lost his mischief.

Eventually Shepard started remaining behind on Earth for the shorter journeys. James had been concerned at first, then she explained how she'd noticed his crew glancing at her whenever he gave orders, as though checking for her approval first. The thought that she may be diminishing his role as Commander didn't sit well with her, and so she needed to give him time to assert his authority over his crew, to show them he was capable without her looking over his shoulder. James understood that, though he hadn't cared as long as she was with him, and he'd reluctantly agreed. They had both found their time apart torturous, but James couldn't deny her insight had been right, noticing his crew's increased respect towards him. Not to mention coming home to Shepard was wonderful, and extremely satisfying…..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Citadel had been returned to it's rightful place, Kolyat having taken the retiring Bailey's position after a recommendation was placed to the council by Bailey himself. One which they happily accepted in lieu of Kolyat's father's sacrifice. Shepard kept in touch with him, feeling a need to make sure he was alright, but she needn't of worried - Kolyat had matured into an amazing young man.

The citadel council itself was under proposed expansion to encompass a quarian and even krogan councillor

Garrus, Liara, Tali, Wrex and Grunt had all gone back to their home worlds to do their part.

Feron, was now the temporary Shadow Broker, while Liara was on Thessia.

Kaidan and Jack were focused on getting Grissom Academy up and running again, after Kahlee Sanders decided to take a back seat, still in mourning over losing David Anderson.

Miranda and Oriana were working with a multi-species medical group, redesigning the upgrades used in Shepard to find a cheaper way to replicate them for general use in hospitals.

Jacob and Bryn were enjoying their daughter in Rio, and would be offering their services to the Alliance once their lives had settled down a bit.

Zaeed…was just Zaeed - belligerent as always, and off doing his own thing, much like Kasumi, who had also vanished into thin air.

Hackett was just as busy as ever, though there were whispers he was likely to retire soon, as well as rumours he would be taking up the human councillor seat on the Citadel.

Aria T'Loak had her own hands full trying to find an outlet for all the mercs under her control, so as not to invite the wrath of a very sensitive Alliance and their zero tolerance policy currently in effect - thankfully there were Omega streets for the various groups to fight over.

Samara had briefly checked on her daughter's progress before carrying on her duty seeking out injustices, which weren't hard to find.

The rachni had retreated once again, preferring the peace of their own system.

Shepard was relieved to see that alliances were maintained. The geth were being instrumental in the quarians return to Rannoch, providing brilliant solutions to the quarian's immunity issues. It seemed that their suits would be defunct in just a couple of years now, instead of the originally estimated ten. For their part, the quarians gave an official apology to the geth race, and formed a conclave that involved a geth representative.

The krogan were staying on Tuchanka, though they were pushing for more space. The females had effectively kept the males in check, their society becoming almost matriarchal - proving to be a successful thing, much to the surprise of the salarians, who had immediately set up defenses against krogan attack once the reaper threat was removed.

The salarians were currently under pressure to issue apologies to the krogan people, though they were resisting - many said because of injured pride.

The turians, however, had stepped up and acknowledged the importance of the krogan in keeping Palaven from falling under reaper control, and also issued their own apology for their part in the genophage.

All in all, the universe was doing okay, considering. Better than many had expected.

And everyone knew that was due mostly to the influence of Commander Shepard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten months ago they had married on a quiet beach island in the Mediterranean, their closest friends and James' family attending. Shepard had imagined Thane looking over them from across the ocean, Mordin appreciating the shells from above, and wondered what Legion would make of it all. Then she had wondered what poem Ashley would have chosen for the occasion. They were all still with her in some form that day.

Now she was looking out of the full glass doors, at their own private beach in San Diego, from a beautiful house that James had insisted on building himself, on the prime piece of land happily given to them by the San Diego state, when they discovered that Commander Shepard was interested in living there.

Shepard had refused the Admiral position. She was tired. Shepard had given the military everything she had and then some, and she was more than happy to relinquish the responsibility. She remained a part of the Alliance however, but only as an advisor, though she retained her Commander title, despite it being only honourary. The fact was, her name would always be connected to the title.

She was currently on extended shore leave, and James was between missions, now he was officially N7.

There was also talk about making him a spectre in a year or so. She wasn't surprised, and she was incredibly proud. He'd come so far.

So she waited for him. Knowing he would be docking soon, and then he'd be a shuttle ride away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James was itching to get home. He loved his job, but he loved his wife more. Three weeks had felt like three months. From the viewing window he could see Vancouver getting closer.

"_Commander, Dr T'Soni is requesting to speak to you urgently,_" informed EDI.

James frowned in concern. Liara, who was now back under her Broker guise, must be seriously worried about something.

"Thanks, EDI."

He raced to the lift, emerging at his quarters for privacy, hitting the console to bring her up on the large screen. James had no idea that an asari could look pale.

"Liara?"

"James! You have to get to Shepard! I've just discovered that a woman who worked under The Illusive Man is going after her!" Liara rushed out.

James heart leapt into his mouth, and he immediately activated the comm.

"Joker!-'"

"_On route, Commander!_" Joker responded at once.

James couldn't care less that Joker had listened in. He tried to connect to Shepard at their home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard's first indication that something wasn't as it should be, was when she caught the flicker of a reflection in the glass, just at the corner of her eye. She froze. She knew she was alone, and James always announced himself exuberantly. They also had a top of the line security system, so she knew whoever this was, they were professional.

She remained in place, to appear unaware of their presence as four men closed in on her. She had an over-whelming anger racing through her - they were in her home, her sanctuary - and they were going to pay. She could feel her muscles tense, the moment to act was upon her. Her beeping Omni-tool signalled her into action.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

"There's no answer. How do we know whether she's actually there?" James was on the edge of sounding frantic, and he forced himself to breath deeply, to keep calm.

"_Commander, we are close enough for me to pick up her Omni-tool signal. I can confirm that Shepard is there,_" supplied EDI.

"Thanks, EDI. E.t.a?"

"_Estimated time of arrival - five minutes, Commander."_

"I've notified the nearest law enforcement agency." Liara was typing madly on her console.

"Good. I need to go, Liara-" James went to switch off the screen.

"James, wait! Goddess!" She was reading something on her screen. "Shepard picked up a message eight minutes ago. From a doctor…confirming her next appointment… James, she's pregnant!"

James was stunned in an odd mixture of elation and horror. They had been trying, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise, but to actually hear the words… and to know that now he could lose his wife _and _child…

He slammed off the screen without a word, and ran out of the room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shepard had taken out all four of her attackers within seconds. Thane's tutelage proven very effective, as she looked down at the men at her feet. No obvious indication of who they were.

She wasn't prepared for the glass behind her to shatter, shards showering her, but she quickly reacted, diving for the couch as cover, a bullet narrowly missing her. Except it wasn't a bullet. She stared at the dart sticking out of the wall. They wanted her alive, and that worried her.

She laid her hand low down on her stomach. Was it coincidence, that they should pick now to attack her? James didn't even know yet, she'd only found out five days ago, and had decided to wait, to tell him in person. He'd be so happy….

She wanted a gun, but she kept her weapons in the specially designed closet in the bedroom.

She listened intently. They'd made a mistake. The crunching glass gave away their position. Two, going either side of the couch, trying to box her in. But she wasn't waiting. She flew up and to the right, grabbing and breaking the arm holding the tranquilizer gun, taking it off the screaming man, twisting and firing it at the other before he had adjusted to her new position. The dart hit him square in the chest, and he stared down at it in shock before he sank to the ground. She swung her elbow back hard at the still screaming man behind her, connecting with his nose and knocking him out.

Then she felt something hit the back of her neck. No! She reached back, pulled the dart out, twirling round to see a woman emerge from within her home, a nasty smile on her face.

"You were supposed to die on Earth when I sent my people after you, Shepard," the woman sneered.

Shepard's mind raced. She looked vaguely familiar, but her thoughts didn't linger. Shepard tried to fire back but the gun was empty. She needed to get away, could already feel her limbs going tingly. Her implants would give her some time. She burst into a run, through the glassless doors, out onto the beach. She just had to get to the street. She could hear sirens… and a ship? She looked up, and her heart soared. The Normandy.

Then her legs gave out, and she fell to her knees, just managing to brace herself with her hands to stop herself falling flat on her face. Whatever was flowing through her system was strong. Everything was going numb. She was beginning to fall forward, her arms no longer functioning. She glanced behind her, the woman right behind her now, grabbing her hair, yanking her head back.

"Looks like I'll have to change my plans, Shepard," she sneered, as she saw James jumping out of the ship onto the beach further up, heard the sirens on the street. She threw down her dart gun and removed a pistol, pressing it up against Shepard's head, crouching down behind her to use her as a shield.

"I was going to take you to a lab, remove the child, let you watch it grow in a tube, while I tortured you, and told you all the things I was going to do to improve your child, to make it the perfect tool."

Shepard seethed.

"But now it seems I'll just have to content myself with blowing your brains out in front of your beloved husband," the woman spat in contempt, the gun jamming harder against Shepard's temple.

"Why are you doing this?" Shepard demanded, her eyes fixed on James racing towards her, seeing the fear on his handsome face.

"Why?! You killed Jack! He belonged to me! And you took him away from me!" the woman was yelling fiercely.

Shepard was confused.

"Jack?"

Her question just angered the woman, who smacked the gun on her head, dazing her.

"The Illusive Man, Shepard! The most amazing man I've ever met, and you with your limited vision, destroyed him!"

Shepard's mind raced. She _had _seen the woman before. On one of the other vids they had come across in the Cerberus base. She was the woman talking to TIM about her reservations over him subjecting himself to Reaper upgrades. The upgrade which he used to try to control her with, she was sure. He'd called her Jan, expressed his trust in her.

Shepard's breath came out in a shudder. She wasn't going to survive this.

James was frantic. He couldn't shoot without hitting Shepard. He was running flat out, but he could see the woman's finger tensing on the trigger. Everything went into slow motion. There was nothing he could do! The officers, now on the beach, were also at the wrong angle. He was going to lose her - lose his family!

"LOLA!" he yelled desperately. The woman now looked at him with a manic grin on her face as she pulled the trigger.

At the same time, a biotic flare caught Shepard's attacker, pulling her back towards whomever had initiated it, the gun shot merely grazing Shepard's cheek.

Now James was there. Grabbing Shepard up, before she fell to the ground. He held her tightly to him, pressing kisses against her head.

"James…" her voice shaking, breathless. Her body was tingling again, she was getting feeling back, and she strained to raise her arms to hold him back.

"I'm here, Lola. I'm here," his own voice raspy from his residual fear.

Dr Chakwas was joining them, her med kit in hand, scanning Shepard mutely, her own face pale at what she thought was going to happen right in front of them.

"What happened?" asked Shepard, in confusion.

James hesitated, finally remembering the woman who had nearly taken everything from him.

They both twisted, to see who had saved her.


	20. Chapter 20

James wouldn't have been surprised to see Alenko standing on their veranda.

Never in a million years would he have expected to see his wheel-chair bound father, the woman laying dead at his feet, her neck broken.

His jaw fell open at the sight.

"Dad!?" he managed to voice.

Shepard turned back to him with a face that mirrored his own, then started to try to get to her feet.

James felt her muscles quiver with the strain, and scooped her up into his arms, slowly moving towards the man he hadn't seen in years.

The officers were hovering, unsure what to do in the presence of Commander Shepard, so James took charge.

"Get rid of the body."

"There's more inside," informed Shepard, her voice steadier now. James spotted the other bodies through the doorway. Six. He hugged her tighter.

They were in front of his father now.

"I'm okay now, James."

He gently placed her on her feet, his arm remaining around her waist to hold her against him, needing to feel her there, then focused on his father.

"Dad…how…I didn't even think you were alive," James stammered.

He looked him over. Unshaven, dirty clothes. His father clearly wasn't looking after himself.

The man just shrugged.

"Figured it didn't really matter," he answered, his voice full of sadness.

"I just kept an eye on you, is all. Both of you." His eyes fell on Shepard, softening. "The least I could do, after everything I did to you…son."

His head hung in shame, avoiding James gaze.

James realised he didn't hate his father any more, he'd moved past that a long time ago. Back in a bar on the Citadel after his Commander had given him a new viewpoint. He caressed her arm before moving closer to his father, his hand coming to rest on the man's shoulder.

His father jerked his head up in surprise, only to be met with a small smile from his son.

"Thank you, dad. For saving my wife, _and _my child."

"Child…" whispered his father, tears beginning to fall from his eyes, as he looked at Shepard.

Shepard felt her own tears well up. She was extremely proud of the man she'd married. She stepped up beside him, bent down to her new-found father-in-law, and kissed his cheek.

"Adrastia, or Adra, or even Lola, take your pick," she shrugged with a smile. Then James' words hit her.

"Wait a minute, how did you know…?" she sighed. "Liara."

"Don't be angry with her. She was the one who found out about the attack on you. She was checking your last movements and found your opened mail from the doctor. It was important information."

"Yeah," Shepard agreed, her hand caressing her stomach. James covered her hand with his own, pulling her in close to kiss her.

"Hm-hmm," coughed his father awkwardly.

They pulled apart.

"I'll get out of your way."

He started to wheel himself round, but James stopped him with a hand on the wheel-chair.

"Look…I think that…well, you look like you could do with a good meal, and a shower - definitely a shower."

His father huffed at James' way of telling him he stank.

"And, well, you know, if you were willing to…to get clean…" they both knew he wasn't talking about showers any more - "then, I… I want you to be a part of my family again. You know, if… if you wanted to be," James stammered, only able to keep going because of Shepard's hand gripping his in support.

His father stared back at him, astonished.

"_If?… _Huh… You've no idea how long I've wished for that, Jimmy. You're all I have, and I nearly destroyed you." His lip trembled as he spoke. "I'm so sorry, Jimmy."

James absorbed his father's apology..

"You're forgiven, dad. Time to move on, no?"

His father nodded back at him, a shaky smile forming.

"And I'm not the only family you have any more."

Shepard smiled back at his father, who reached out a hand to her.

"Pleased to meet you, Commander. James Sanders."

She took his hand.

"Call me Adra - or Lola. James calls me Lola," she rolled her eyes. "I'm really happy to meet you too, and I want you to know that we'll give you whatever support you need," she assured him.

"But you got to lay your issues with Emilio to rest. My tio and abuela are an important part of my family too. Understood?" James laid out his expectations.

His father nodded.

"You don't have to worry, Jimmy. I see the good he did. He was the father you deserved to have, and he has my respect for that. I'm not gonna do anything to mess up this second chance."

James was satisfied.

She looked slyly at her husband. "Does that mean we should call you Junior, now?"

James momentarily froze, then looked at her with a mock glare.

"That's a no then?" the sound of Shepard's laughter making him grin. Then he got serious as he studied her. Blood still trickled from her temple and cheek, an he raised a hand to caress her face.

"I'm fine, James. _We're_ fine." It was like she read his mind.

He gave her a kiss, then turned his attention back to his father.

"Then let's get that food on the go." He wheeled his father over the glass, and into the kitchen. "And that shower…definitely that shower!"

Shepard watched them go, turning to Chakwas, who was patiently waiting to tend to Shepard's injuries.

"Care to join us?"

Shepard's Omni-tool beeped. She laughed when she saw who the caller was, before activating the call.

"Yes, Joker, and you."

"_Plus one?_"

"Goes without saying."

"_Cool. I'll just go…park the ship_."

Shepard signed off, with Chakwas's laughing, and sighed.

Some things never changed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James embraced Shepard from behind, his hands falling on her round belly, as he kissed her neck. It was hard to believe that it was nearly four years ago that they were fighting for their very existence.

They watched their two year old son laughing with glee as his grandfather tickled him on his lap, the wheels of his chair sinking lower into the water-logged sand.

His uncle and abuela were tussling over the tongs for the barbeque on the veranda.

"Give me those, Emilio," warned his abuela. "We want edible food, not charcoal."

Emilio spluttered in offense.

"No! Barbeques are a man's domain!" he burst out, proudly standing up for himself.

"Ooohhh!" James winced, as Shepard covered her mouth. His uncle was in trouble now.

"WHAT!?" his abuela stood stock still and glared at her son, who swallowed despite trying to look indomitable.

"Adra!" she called out.

Shepard and James both laughed, as his abuela called her to fight beside her.

"Did you hear what he just said?!"

"I did, abuela. Seems like a challenge to me." Shepard said with mock seriousness, even cracking her knuckles.

Faced with two fierce women, Emilio looked for support from James, who just held up his hands.

"Sorry, Tio, but there's no way we can win _that _fight."

Emilio sighed in defeat, and handed over the tongs to his very smug mother. Grumbling to himself about being emasculated.

Shepard moved away from his abuela, who was now busy at the barbeque happily singing, and kissed his uncle on the cheek. Emilio's face transformed instantly, and he placed a protective arm around his niece, as they laughed at James' father when he finally admitted that he was stuck.

James stood back to survey the scene and decided he was in heaven. He had a woman he loved more than life, and who loved him back equally, and very soon they would have the daughter they had made together, in their arms, to join their family.

Shepard looked over her shoulder at him, her long hair blowing around her beautiful face, her smile dazzling and full of love for him.

Yep, his friends were right, he was the luckiest man alive, but not because he had won the hand of 'Commander Shepard'. No. He had been bestowed the honour of being allowed into the heart of his 'Lola'.

THE END

**Authur's Note - I would just like to thank you for reading, following and/or favouriting(?) this story. In particular CyanB - This is my first fiction and I was very tentative about putting it up, but your review after my first chapter gave me the confidence to carry on, and your subsequent reviews kept me going. So a really, really big thank you to you.**


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